Misunderstood again
By shylade
@shylade (3132)
Philippines
November 18, 2012 7:55pm CST
I am not emotionally okay. I have already post about my brother who has a huge debt. My mother already paid for that and even gave him money to start with. That money came from her retirement fee. Yes, that money is from her hard earned money of more than 40 years. Because I don't want to create any conflict, my sisters and I just give in. My brother never heard anything from us because like our mother we want him to start his life anew and in good way. After my mother gave my siblings part, she send her remaining money to me and still in our bank account. She will live with us and we will take her for her long overdue medications. She will open her own account when she get her. Last Friday, my brother send me a message if he can get additional 50000 and hey, my mother's money is less than 100000 only. My mother gave her 75000 already and why only after two weeks he will get that huge money again. I said no he can't get money because that's for our mother. She deserves a good life for the remaining years of her life. Then when he don't get from my mother's money he harassed our two siblings to lend him money. My two sisters told me that and that makes me feel really bad. I told him not to do that then he said bad words and even swear not to a k fro any help from us. He is always like that. If we just say something, he will misunderstood us. I am tired and sick of his attitude. In the end, he will just eat his words because he will be the first one to ask for help from me. And me as usual, I will eat my ego and forget everything bad he had told us, and help him. I just feel bad he is always acting that way. I wonder what he wants for his life. My mother has given her more than enough but seems he is never contented. I really feel sad and tired of explaining to him that what we want for him is only the best. Now, I will just pray for him that he may realize that his family is his family, no matter what.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@allknowing (137781)
• India
19 Nov 12
When money is lent, the lender has every right to know what the borrower has done with the money. I feel your mother should question your brother and ask for the account. That way he will be careful not to borrow again. Just a thought.
@allknowing (137781)
• India
19 Nov 12
He is taking advantage of the fact that you do not like it when he gets angry. I think you must once show him that his anger no longer disturbs you all. There has to be an end to this kind of exploitation.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
You know, when we try to question him he will get angry on us and he will say we are no help to him. Imagine how rude he is even with our mother. My mother is really kind and I can't understand why she have fears for my brother. The only way to get rid with him is to get my mother from there. She will just finish all the other requirements for her benefits then my husband will fetch her on Sunday. I want her to enjoy her life after all the hard works. She deserves that.
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
19 Nov 12
Wow. such selfish and inconsiderate. Have you asked him why he needed that much? Yes, and not fair to you mother, she deserves good life she has worked hard for so long and she deserves to get at least a little of what she had worked for. Hmmm... What is his problem. I am so pissed (affected) but you are a good sister. and be consistent of not giving him so much anymore. that's tolerating a wrong act. He's not been good to himself as well by not saving and earning for himself, and all the more making so dependent. No is a NO. yes keep the money for your mother's happiness.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
He told me that that's the only way he can stand again, but 70000 is so much to start with. He said, he already compromise with a poultry business but why he do that when he know he only have 70000 on hand. And last Saturday he is harassing my sisters to lend him at least 15000 which I don't understand until he lowered it to 2000. We really can't get what on his mind. He even told me that our mother promise to give her 150000 and not 70000 but my mother just agreed with just to stop him but because she paid for all his huge debts, he should not given any money already. But my sisters don't talk when our still give him. I already talked with my mother and told her she's not helping our brother because she's just tolerating his act. His old enough and a degree holder so why not work for what he needs. My sisters and I are working hard just to earn a living and don't depend with our money but my brother who is a man is just acting like a happy-go-lucky boy. 
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
People like that will learn their lesson the hard way. My brother is the same but he would only ask for small amount every now and then and would tell me it's the last. So it is a never ending last. But after he got married, I tried to limit myself in helping. I only give him money if it is really necessary. But if it is to pay for something he owe, I would just ignore him so he would learn that he should not be borrowing money because he is not capable of paying them. With the case of your brother, I think it is about time to give him a real lesson he will remember. I mean your mom has already helped him big time and you can't just give him all the money because it is for your mom's medication. If he does not understand your motives, then it is his problem and not yours. It is hard to help someone who doesn't want to help himself.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
It is really hard and I am torn. It's only money but he is acting that way. I just hope he will realize that above everything else his family is more important. All his friends will turn their back on him but never will his family. Thank you for sharing. I have still hope for him.
@BethelSophia (538)
• Philippines
20 Nov 12
I'm sorry to hear about your story. I knew that it's not easy to be in your situation. I think your brother is very dependent towards you and his taking advantage of the goodness that you've shown to him. He's not actually growing, I'm sorry to use this harsh word that he's not growing. I think the reason why he never grows because he always think about you and your mother as well as your other siblings as a solution to all his problem. I think you need to make some move. Try not to help him to let him grow.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
It is really hard but I know God has a purpose for this. Yes, he is really dependent with us. The problem is my mother just keep on giving him money. But at some point I understand her because like her I am a mother. I know she brought us well and I am wondering why our only brother is acting differently. Oh well, I know every family has a black sheep. Thank you for the response.
@dragondon (11)
• India
19 Nov 12
hey do something about the issue and always don't be passive,because being passive makes the matter worse. so fight back when the need arises. good luck..:-)
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
It is just easy to say but really hard to do. I love him even if it's acting that way. I know inside my heart there's still this hope for him. He is my brother and that wouldn't change. I feel a lot better now after hibernating for almost 4 days. God is really good and I know there's a reason for everything. This too shall pass.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
Oh sis i understand what you are going through.. i hope your brother will also straighten out as well.. i mean we have those in the family too.. and that feeling that you want to help him but you know helping him again will make it worse because that will be like tolerating him.
When your mom gave him money that was like tolerating him and now he lost it again and wants more.. he really should learn how to stand up and earn money by himself.
and that feeling that you want to help him but you know helping him again will make it worse because that will be like tolerating him.
When your mom gave him money that was like tolerating him and now he lost it again and wants more.. he really should learn how to stand up and earn money by himself. @shylade (3132)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
It is really hard sis. I really don't know where to stand. Of course, I love him but he is not learning his lessons. I don't why he is acting that way because my mother treated us equally as far as I know. With his case, he gets the larger part of my our mother's retirement fee yet he is not contented with it. I told my mother he is the only person in the family who is acting that way. Imagine how hard headed he is thinking he is only the right person. I pity my mom who can't do something but cry. I told her, she's done with my brother. He is already 30 and way too old to act so childish.
@nicanorr (1789)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
Your brother is nothing but a parasite. He exists and thrives on the blood and toil of others. He lives and get everything for his sustenance from your mother's money. If not given, he may use force again and again to ask money for food and vices he may be indulging in. The best thing for you to do is to give him a lesson. Teach him to earn money for all his needs. Teach him not to rely on other resources. This is easily done by not giving or extending him any help from you or from your mother. Repeat cut the supply or sustenance and if he violates or uses force, bring the matter to the police.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
It is sad to admit but he is a parasite. I really don't why he is doing this. I just hope he will really use the money for good. If not for my mother I will not really give him any money. But my mother beg and swear this will be the last time. I will get my mother on Sunday.
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
19 Nov 12
it happens always when we stay in a relationship,we need to make sure things turn out in our favor normally
@Evan1987 (22)
• China
19 Nov 12
when we try to help our family .we must try our best to do .but we must know what we will do and what we will not do sometimes .maybe if we help someone again and again .he will not do verything with himself.and he will ask for your help every time. we should tell us we must no help him sometime.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
It is really hard to deal with him. He never understand that. he will even told us that we are no help to him. I don't why I need to have a brother like him. Very inconsiderate. I don't know what to think now and pity my mother but she's been tolerating him even now that he is harassing him.
@venkaiahreddy (10)
• India
19 Nov 12
what a brother he is ............he lost all the money and again asking for more......you should not encourage him
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
21 Nov 12
I don't know why he is acting that way. From what I know, we are raised in a good way. My sisters are all good, we are all easy to deal with. We love each other as we love him. But he don't even sees that. All he care for is the money. He said he put that money in a business and he needs additional to operate but if he knew already that his money on hand is not enough then he must adjust. He must work for the additional money he needs. But unfortunately he don't understand that.
