It Is So Hard...

Unless she has some pressing health issue that has been clearly diagnosed, don't assume that she is not long for this world. What may be happening, though, is that she is undergoing mental changes associated with some form of dementia or may be suffering changes due to some other health issue. Has a neurologist evaluated her? She may have suffered a mild stroke at some point that did damage that has caused her to undergo this change.

Unfortunately everything changes. we are older and so are all our family members. And nothing is as it was then. I know the feeling. My aunt and I were very close and now that she is older she is not that friendly. I see what you mean. But she still looks younger then her age. Maybe we all have to go through that stage. I hope not.

You are right, when people get older they get cranky and sometimes they forget who some people are. I would try and think of all the good times that you had with your grandma and all the special things she has done for you in the past. You are right, don't take it personally, I am sure your Grandma loves you very much.

As long as people let others hurt them others will continue to do so. I think old folks start hurting physically and they take it out on their loved ones. They feel the curtain starting to close and push their loved ones away rather than have them see what transpired from this time on. It has to do with ego, personality and love. I would just love her even more and ignore her crankiness.

LMB, I understand. This is very hard for you. But many elderly people begin to get this way. Something you can do is get her to talk about "the old days". When she was your age, how things were, etc. Elderly people usually like to talk about the past. This might help a little. I use to say things to my grandmother like "Hey, Gram, what was it like when you first got married? Where was your house? Did you have a lot of new furniture?" Her face would change and she'd just start going on about things from the past. Also remember, pain can play a big part in her disposition. And she may be realizing some of her shortcomings - memory, neck pain, maybe not getting around like she use to. She also may be forgetting a lot more than family members know. They tend to hide it at first. But she knows she's forgetting and it's frustrating for her. If she drove a car and can't anymore, this is a major cause for some seniors to rebel. Loss of independence is difficult to deal with. Heck, I just turned 65 and I'm having a hard time dealing with that! And I drive a 2006 Dodge Charger with a V6 3.5 high output engine - not your typical old lady's car. But I found three sites that might help a little, at least you can see that others are dealing with the same problem and some helpful (I hope) tips on how to deal with it. www.agingcare.com/Answers/deal-with-mean-hateful-unreasonable-elderly-mother-137855.htm http://tenderlovingeldercare.com/tips-for-when-aging-parents-say-mean-things and http://ezinearticles.com/?Behaviors-With-Types-Of-Dementia---What-To-Watch&id=239843 These sights talk about aging parents but it was easier to find than grandparents. And I have helpful information on degenerative disc disease. I know when someone is under a doctors' care they're stuck with that. But natural remedies are very good. I have a site you may like to read a little of (or not). I just know that your grandmother's pain can probably be alleviated or at least lessened. But of course natural remedies are a personal choice. http://earthclinic.com/CURES/degenerative-disc-disease.html I hope you can find something helpful somewhere in all this information. And try to deal the best you can. I know you are. It's all part of the process of living and growing old. I watched my mother go from a sharp dresser to semi-blind to senile, tiny, frail and weak. She didn't even look like my mother anymore. She passed away in 2005 and I miss her every day. I need her to help me now more than ever and I really miss her. So make the most of the time with your grandmother and try to realize she doesn't really mean those things. She loves you more than ever, I'm sure.

my grandma is acted like what your grandma also.. she was really shouting as if she has an enemy and even banging on the doors and chairs.. but it`s not everyday that she is like that.. there are times where she just sit and watched a television.. what is important is we should not be impatient and learn to accept things..

How old is she sweety? My Dad just became quiet and seemed to be vague only because he was unable to talk because of the medication he was on. He was having pain and wearing morphine patches which baffles me to this day. She might be just tired, or fed up or afraid or all three. Just reassure her of your love and try to give her what she wants but not to be left alone. Tell her you want to remain close like always. Smile at her and don't let her know if you are hurting. Some elderly people behave like cranky children and you need to placate them as best you can, as you would a naughty but beloved child. Just realise that deep down, she doesn't mean to hurt you.

hi LovingMyBabies thats so sad but could you talk lovingly to her and tell her what she said hurt your feelings"After all I am sure she loves you and maybe does not realize she is being really hurtful..She may be elderly but surely thats no reason to be mean to people. Ask her what is bothering her that shes gets mean to you. I know I can get cranky but I c n jolly myself out of it.

My Granny was like that after she was diagnoised with Alzheimers. It is a hard pill to swallow. I hope that you will be able to be understanding and realize that she is not in her right mind. It is difficult to accept but as our loved ones get older it is a fact of life.

You have to continue to love your grandmother and realize that when she says things that are mean and hateful to you, it isn't because of you. Instead, the reason that she tends to get mean and hateful is because of the fact that she isn't able to do in the same ways that she was able to do when she was a younger woman. It is her frustration at the fact that everything about her is starting to slow down and she doesn't like being in that kind of a situation.

Hi, LovingMyBabies~ People hurt the ones closest to them. And it perfectly describes your situation. I don't have much expertise here. One of my grandpas passed away before I was even born. One who I loved deeply passed away when I was in sixth grade in primary school. He adored me most of all his grandchildren before he got cancer. Yet, when he was at the edge of dying, he couldn't even recognize me. Both of my grandmas are still here. Apart from some minor health issues, they are generally in good shape.And I hope it will last for a long time. They have never been mean to me. I don't know if your grandmother is suffering from dementia. It might be her age or pain that is causing her to let her frustration out and being mean to you. But I think she still loves you. Just talk to her, it might be helpful. If not, just give her your care as you have always done. At least you did what you ought to do. Love is about sacrifice,right?

I found this working as a PSW, they want to push people away thinking they wont hurt or be upset as much when they die. Maybe, you should talk to her, or be supper nice to her. Itès hard especially when they think this way, my Grandmother always gets depressed then carries on how she will die and noone will notice she is gone.

Oh,I'm sorry to hear that, I don't exactly know how you feel cause I never experience that thing but I do understand your feeling right now. It's not easy to be in your position knowing that your grandma and you were very close before but this time she's getting mean. I think you can't have the grandma that you wanted but you can be the granddaughter that your grandma wanted. Just hold your horses and continue the love that you showed to your grandma.

yes don't be, it is part of getting older. but had she done some executive check up there must be something wrong with her, I mean pain that she just can't explain. Some older people are like that, when they have pains. and keep on loving her, she had been good to you after all right? Crankiness is just normal to older people, just to be friends with her.

Just tolerate your grandma's sudden change if behaviour. Maybe that is a sign that the end is near for her.

Maybe it's God's way of helping us let them go.....that is easier to remember them the way they were.....not the way things ended. Both my parents were kinda like this...not crabby but with pain and suffereing....

I understand how you feel this is one of the hardest things in your life that you will experience..and it is. This takes you to another level. Everything you learn in life that is hard, makes it easier for the next thing..if you know what I mean. All I can say is, try not to take this to heart. Sometimes they have no idea of what they are saying..and sometimes they do it so you don't miss them so much. Just try to remember her the way she was, so keep that in mind, because she will come to visit you to make amends.

I hope she still stays around longer. Just try very hard to understand her situation. She must not be feeling very well. Give her all your love in spite of her crankiness. It's part of aging.

We must practice extreme patience when dealing with older people because they really become irritable. Not only because they feel pain in their body every now and then but also they would not let go of the thought that they are now old and weak and they do not want to be entirely independent on others.

Well for sure she has her own reason of behaving that way... and yes you are correct about the factor of ageing but otherwise just try to keep your faith and think of the beautiful memories you had with her and just cherish the days left of you with her