What would you have done?
By CosmoOwl12
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
United States
November 25, 2012 3:56pm CST
I have a friend named Amanda and she has a 3 year old son named Jason. Jason's birthday is in April so my daughter Lilly and I went to his birthday party. Jason's father Bill has a daughter named Andrea with another girl and she is also 3 years old, just a few weeks older than Jason. Yes, Bill was seeing both girls at the same time.
Anyway, Bill and Andrea were also at the birthday party with Bill's mom and dad. Amanda tries to stay on good terms with Bill's parents because they have been babysitting Jason for free since he was born. Bill and Amanda are no longer together. Well Bill is very nice to Jason but he's mean to Andrea. He told Andrea to sit on his lap because she wanted to help Jason open his presents. Andrea reluctantly sat on her father's lap but then she tried to get back on the floor. Bill smacked her on the side of the face pretty hard and she started crying. Then he slammed her down on the floor and kicked her towards her grandma. What completely surprised me (other than him abusing his child in front of a house full of people) is that absolutely no one said or did anything!
I seriously wanted to say something but I didn't want to ruin Jason's birthday party. Amanda's family doesn't really know me all that well. So after all this happened and the party was over, Amanda had to take me home because she was my only ride. We get in the car and we're going down the road and I say "I can't believe how Bill abused Andrea in front of everyone and no one said a word". So Amanda says to me "Well I can understand why he did it. Andrea is a brat and she has an attitude". I said "Well she wasn't doing anything wrong at that time and he just hauled off and smacked her across the face". Amanda says "Well maybe Andrea said something mouthy to him that you didn't hear".
Umm okay, I'm sorry, but there is no reason on this Earth for someone to beat a child! And I know for a fact that the little girl didn't say anything to him because I was sitting right next to them. I've been thinking about this ever since it happened and I feel so bad because I didn't do anything.
2 people like this
10 responses
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
26 Nov 12
I don't think there was anything you could have done to be honest with you. Anything you did would have created more of a problem most likely... That is awful that he did that! No one else did anything probably because they are used to seeing it from this guy. It was most likely no shock to them at all. I think that was really harsh of him. And it really doesn't sound like the girl did anything wrong to me... If she was being a brat and he tapped her butt or something that would be different. But to slap her in the face and kick her? No. That is abuse, not discipline. I am a firm believer in spare the rod spoil the child BUT this sounds like straight abuse! I hope that little girl does not go through that all the time, poor thing. =(
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
26 Nov 12
I agree with you LMB. What I'm having a hard time understanding is that no one did anything at all. Right you are by saying they are probably used to it, but....that is what bothers me? It's crazy.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
27 Nov 12
I'm sure they all were used to it. At least some of them. I've been told a few different times about how he beats this little girl. He even beat Jason's mom while she was pregnant and she still stayed with him. She finally dumped him after Jason was born but she says it was for a completely different reason. Now she tries to be all nice to him whenever she sees him. I always want to ask her why, but I never do because I know she'll just give a stupid answer.
I feel so bad for this little girl Andrea because I know her mother ignores her. She is with her grandma almost 24/7 and then when her dad is around, he is so mean to her. I was told that he moved to another state to start his "rap career" but I'm not sure if he is still living there or not. If he is, that's probably for the best because then the little girl doesn't have to deal with him. I know he doesn't visit her very often. Or if he does it's just long enough to beat her and then he leaves.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
5 Dec 12
That just makes me sick and the adults who did nothing are as guilty as the one who abused her. I would of probably gotten up and walked out and then I would have called the police and reported the incident. Maybe the others are afraid of him too or of making the situation worse? I can't imagine them all just sitting there and doing nothing to help that little girl out. There is never a reason to hit a child in the face or kick them and it doesn't matter what State you live in...it is child abuse. I'd probably still report it to Child services. There is not much they can do about it now but it will be on file and if they get more reports, well they add up.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Dec 12
My ex was very openly abusive to me and it was very very humiliating and hurtful. I will say that most people turned the other way and I can only think that the just did not know what would make the sitution worse or better. The same people would tell me to get the hel away from him but the way the law worked if anyone was called was that he would get told to leave and stay awaybut he always found his way back and often angrier than before someone called. I'd still probably report it anonymously and then if they get any more reports down the line, they'll have this incident on file.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
9 Dec 12
I have never been in an abusive relationship but my mom has been and I saw it first hand so I know what you had to deal with. I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that.
When I called about my boyfriend's ex, they asked me her full name, home address, phone number, the full names of everyone who lives with her, whether or not they have weapons or pets in the home. I was able to answer most of those questions but I wouldn't be able to answer too many of them about this little girl's family. I don't even know her mother's name. I think the only thing I can do is call, see what they tell me, and then I'll know that I did the right thing. So I will definitely do that.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
7 Dec 12
I think it did have something to do with them all being afraid of him. Or maybe they felt like they shouldn't get in someone else's business. I really don't know. I can't even explain why I didn't do anything but looking back I seriously wish I would have.
Not to mention, right before he arrived to the party his dad had to bail him out of jail and pick him up from the hospital for beating up some guy. I guess he was in a bar the night before and got into a bar fight. He had to get stitches in his hand after he was bailed out of jail but he wouldn't stay in the hospital long enough to get the stitches. As long as I've known the guy he's always been controlling and he has a horrible temper. He tried threatening me on a few occasions and I let him know real quick that I wasn't going to put up with that!
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
26 Nov 12
This IS child abuse and no one does anything about it because they're used to seeing it??? It's like seeing someone being robbed and beaten on the street and people just walking by like it's not happening. I'm on the edge of my seat right now wanting to tear into this guy. AND SHAME on ALL those people!
You know as well as I know this is happening all the time at home, it's horrible. Plus, even if she is a brat and gets fiesty, she's ONLY 3! Yes, a good smack on the butt is one thing, but what he did is totally uncalled for, completely abusive, and I would have, unfortunately, ruined the party and reamed this guy a new A$$hole. THEN I would left and called the police since he still would have been at the party, and then called child services and reported him.
Sad part is, if this was a dog or cat, and this guy smacked the dog in the face and then kicked it, we would have all kinds of pet advocates coming down on him, AS WELL SHOULD BE. But a child, and no one does anything? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Sorry, I'm fuming right now.
Everyone will be sorry when this little 3 year old girl has broken bones, bruises, teeth knocked out.....or maybe even worse. He needs to be stopped NOW.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
7 Dec 12
I tried to comment back to you a few times before it would never post my reply.
Anyway, I agree with you 100%. What I saw was definitely child abuse. I know for a fact that this sort of thing goes on at the grandma's house as well. Granted, he's not there very often anymore but happening even once is enough. You know what they say "If he'll hit you once, he'll hit you again". He was also abusive to Jason's mother even while she was pregnant! He forbid her to speak to her friends (including me) so I didn't find out about the abuse towards her until well after the fact. I asked her why she didn't try to get away from him back then and she said it was because she had no place to go and she was pregnant. I don't see how she had no place to go when before she moved in with him and his parents she was living with her dad. Surely her dad would have taken her back in? I really don't know. She also said that Jason needed his father. Well I don't think he needs an abusive father and even now his dad doesn't do anything for him. He's not paying child support and she complains about it all the time yet she won't do anything about it. So I guess you can't help someone who won't help themselves.
I do think that I should report this even though it was back in August. I just know that they will ignore the report though. His parents aren't going to turn him in and neither is his ex or his daughter's mom for that matter since she's not around much. I made reports about my boyfriend's ex seven different times and they did absolutely nothing. I even had proof of what was going on. But like you said, if it were someone's pet they would have been all over that situation.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
25 Nov 12
First of all, you didn't do anything wrong. When the devil knocks on your neighbor's door, and your neighbor lets him in; breaking in to 'save' your friend is a) unnecessary if she KNOWS it's the devil and b) no use if she DOESN'T know (i.e. you're not gonna be able to help her if she already let the devil in).
Secondly, people's parental instincts see conflicts as more than they actually are: what you saw as 'slapping' was probably more like 'sliding the daughter away from where she was going'; what you saw as a 'kick' was probably more of a 'nudge.'
Either way, don't worry about it; maybe don't be urged to invite it in YOUR house, but don't worry about it anywhere else.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
27 Nov 12
It was definitely not "sliding the daughter away" or simply a "nudge". He forcefully smacked her to the point she almost fell off his lap and he kicked her so hard she hit her face on the floor. I'm sorry, but there is no reason to abuse a child in any way and what I witnessed was definitely child abuse. I know for a fact that he has beat this child several times in the past. I was not there to see it, but I was told by his ex and his own mother. He also beat his ex while she was pregnant. People like him make me sick.
@robspeakman (1700)
•
26 Nov 12
I don't understand the reason behind this post - you saw an act of cruelty and did nothing - What is the point of this post?
Are you trying to justify that you did nothing and hope that somebody else agrees that you did the right thing?
A room full of people and nobody tried to protect the child or beat the abuser to a pulp?
When you say you are surprised that nobody did anything - Are you also surprised that you didn't do anything? Or are you ashamed?
It is all very well saying what you should of done. You did nothing.
The role of an adult around children is to protect them from harm, whether or not you are the Parent
@ally12 (1202)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
And I think Rob its not yet late to do something now.?This discussion is 4 months old I just cant think of what else is happening now with that poor girl..If I only know who to report on this matter and have substantial proof then I would be glad to do a long distance call just to report this case. I just doubt it coz i read some cases of abuse that were dropped coz its considered unsubstantiated. Even the child was already black and blue.
@Kennedy559 (12)
•
19 Jan 20
Ya it is common in a large family for there to be a scapegoat child and a golden child. The scapegoat child is always deemed worse or the one with a smart mouth also the one who gets blamed for everything. When that happens unawaringly the child of course is going to developed a worse attitude and probably a smarter mouth. Personally and I'm speaking of myself only I would have slapped the lady upside the head and asked her if she liked that at all.then when i got home i would have contacted child welfare services. Did you know it is a felony offense if you do not report abuse and or neglect IF u are a mandated reporter such as teachers teachers aide employees or any school or institution ranging from daycare to elementary school to university.
@ally12 (1202)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I may have posted late on this discussion but maybe its not yet too late for that poor girl to be saved...............??
Maybe inform police, call CPS? there are many ways to help. Just a call to proper authorities to help save an abused child can save precious life.
Maybe inform police, call CPS? there are many ways to help. Just a call to proper authorities to help save an abused child can save precious life.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
26 Nov 12
That's pretty awful. Child abuse in front of other people is tremendously appaling. This Bill should learn a thing or two about embarrassment. Most people were embarrassed as a kid, this action, for sure, tells that he hasn't learned from that at all.
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
26 Nov 12
It really depends on the state laws. The only thing you could have done is report the alleged abuse (it's alleged not knowing what the laws are) Some states allow a paddling on the behind with an open hand. When you report abuse, it doesn't imply that abuse happened, it just says "hey, i think you might want to check this out" and the proper authorities will investigate the situation if they think there is a need. There are so many false accusations being called in that naturally the dhs isn't going to respond to all of them. Sometimes it takes several phone calls reporting the same parents, over and over before dhs will finally make a visit to the parents' home. So...there probably wasn't much you could have done other than making the phone call. If it happens again, make the call, report what happened and let the authorities do their job. unfortunately, it's situations like this that allow domestic abuse and child endangerment to continue for years without any intervention.
@Elenakat13 (425)
• United States
26 Nov 12
Wow I am so glad that I wasn't there!!
That is an three year old kid
I can't understand bill at all but that Amanda allows that and even agree with bill is to high for me!
I know I would not be able to do much but I I would tell bill to stop it immediately
This is not the way to handle situations like that
As a good parent he had to talk to her that it is Jason's birthday but soon she has birthday an gets her own presents.
For Amanda I can't find words she puts all her anger jealousy in that girl and calls it a brat.
Oh and don't feel guilty because you didn't do anything we are sometimes pushed in a situation that we never experienced before and are confused and don't know how to react !
It happends
Later on we ask our self why didn't I do anything about it
I hope you never come in such a situation again
