Finding out I have Aspergers at age 30

Tweet

I feel like I've been hit by a train. All those years with so much confusion and being alone, trying to mimic social behavior...I keep having nightmares now about the past. I was always bullied. I didn't know why, I just accepted what they said I was since 30 students all saying I'm a "loser" so it must be correct. Just so much would have changed if I got this Dx 15-20 years ago. I was beat up from 1st grade up until the 11th (still got picked on). Now look at me. 30 years old with nothing. No money, no friends. The only people I still have are my parents thank God or I wouldn't be typing this. The depression, anger, sadness; it gets so bad sometimes my thoughts start to turn to poetry. That deep and dark poetry (note to self: read more poetry). I can't complain really. I mean I get SSI/Medicaid until I can find a way to work again. See I had a bi-lateral neuropathy in January this year and both my arms wouldn't work for about 5-6 months (nerve pain is horrible and hard to relieve) to be able to use them for things like typing. So the doctor there noticed it within 2 minutes. He was a stranger so I make sure not to look at him, plus the lights were way too bright, etc. So he figured out the 1 thing that has ruined my 30 years of youth. I can't ever do manual labor, I think 10lb's a few times is my limit until I die (it's some genetic mutation, hnpp I think). So I can't do anything but type, alone, here with you, thanks for reading and any responses. I hope to connect to some people here so I won't be so alone. Anyone else have Aspergers as an adult? I just found out a few months ago, so I'm still VERY confused as the world just flipped upside down on me!