Do you ever feel like you don't want to give to someone?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
December 3, 2012 11:12pm CST
At our counseling session the other day the counselor encouraged me to give more to my husband, to be a Compliment as a wife, etc,etc. The thing is though that I give all the time to my husband and yet he doesn't do anything for me. So I feel like I don't want to give any extra than what I'm already doing because my husband should be the one making an effort to give to me in some way.
I mean I have been doing this during all of these hard times that we have had. I buy him stuff whenever I can. Over the summer I even planned a surprise weekend getaway trip to see his favorite concert, we spend all of our time doing recreation that enjoys. He is the one who is not showing his love for me.
For example I asked him if he would want to go to some type of sports event with me. Like a basketball game,football game, or something similar. He's not much into sports so he says he doesn't want to go. That just isn't right. I went to a concert to see a band that I didn't even really know. And I paid a lot of money for the tickets, hotel room,and for tickets to another attraction that he liked. But he can't go see a reasonably local game with me?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@TLilly12 (1229)
• United States
14 Feb 13
This is hard i couldn't live with a man, who wouldn't do anything for me, and he want me to do everything for him, there would be some giving or there would be some leaving, and I would be the one to leave, because I would not put up with crap like this, if he has to live by him self, i would see how things would get done then, he might have to hire a maid to clean up after him.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
14 Feb 13
yes I understand exactly what you mean. There has to be giving by both individuals or otherwise it will create a lot of problems. Not only that but the individual doing all the giving will more than likely want to leave. That is what I'm thinking if my husband lives on his own then he will need to do all the cleaning, then he would better appreciate all that I do. My thing is why go through all that when all he has to do is help me out every now and then. I'm not saying I expect him to do everything but at least offer to help in some way. He doesn't even do that.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
4 Dec 12
I think there needs to be some giving coming from both sides. It's hard to keep giving when you aren't getting any reciprocation, and it would be nice if your husband showed that he, too, was trying to be a considerate spouse.
Unfortunately, you can only control what you do, not what he does, which is why there isn't much you can do about him.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
Yes that is indeed the truth. That is why I'm getting so frustrated. It is very hard to have the right attitude about giving when you are constantly around someone who shows no consideration for you but expects you to show consideration for them. It really does bother me. But like you said I can't control what he does so hopefully sometime very soon he will start appreciating all that I do.
@barood4money (376)
• India
4 Dec 12
It is very hard to tell any solution to your problems. But i will only tell that try to talk with your husband regarding this matter. If he doesn't understand then simply leave him.. You will get a better life without him.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
13 Dec 12
Unfortunately my husband doesn't understand a lot of things.If things are still bad when our lease is up we will be going our separate ways. So he has until then to make adjustments. We will see what happens.
@today2 (88)
• United States
4 Dec 12
Dominique, this is a hard one because any answer I give is wrong to some degree without seeing his side. He might want a freak and you might be complacent. He might want fantastic diners every so often and you stink at cooking. I don't know...
That being said, I would do me. I would learn to have fun doing the things I like to do and if the love is there he could catch up. Life is too short for you to be miserable, enjoy you. Love you. Let the world catch up with Dominique! Don't get mad, no time for that, he knows by now what he needs to do by now so live.
If you're deeply happy with yourself then it will rub on or off. I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going...you're not a baby sitter, you're a treasure and if he or the counselor does see that you aren't being fulfilled then you will be and it sounds like soon.
Just my 2 cents.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
14 Dec 12
Basically I take care of my husband and I strive to make him happy. Now it is time that I start focusing on myself. That is what I need to do. I'm tired of focusing on him. Time will tell what he will do.
