Being A Friend Means Comforting
By YoghurtGal
@flapiz (23148)
United Kingdom
December 5, 2012 4:23am CST
My college friend's mom died of cancer just recently. She's been really down and sentimental as any normal feeling child would be. I feel really sorry for her. I want to comfort her and all that but I am not so good in comforting. So what I did was I told her my condolences and I told her that I am here for her no matter what. I think it helped her a bit and she said thank you. And it really felt good to be of help. Even just as a listener for her.
How about you guys how do you comfort a friend? Do you have similar experiences?
7 responses
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
5 Dec 12
Yes, and sometimes friends just need someone to listen to them, or hug them or touch them. NO words needed for if we are friends, I know what you need and how to comfort you. If we are true friends, you know what I need and you know to comfort me. It is just like that... listening is the key to understanding. at the moment she doesn't need any medical advice or psychological advice. she just needs a shoulder to cry on. Ears to listen to her sobs. and touch to ease her pains. You just did it right. Just perfectly right flapiz. You are such a good friend... and comforting one. for this I will give you 3 winks. 
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 12
Thank you. I am glad you told me I did it right. I am really kinda clueless when it comes to grief management and comforting. I guess my intentions brought out my instincts.
You are absolutely right. A good friend knows how to listen.
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
5 Dec 12
am glad you liked it. just be there for her you don't need manual or training for grief management and comfort. You have it in your heart. 
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 12
Yes I have it in me. And I'm very glad to know that I do. I always thought of myself as an apathetic person. But well I guess I am fortunately wrong about it.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
21 Dec 12
Sometimes just by being there, supporting her, is enough! Knowing that you care for her, and are there for her may be all she needs right now. It's very difficult knowing what to say, apart from the usual cliches. You may not think you are helping her, but you are
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
21 Dec 12
Hi! I agree with you. Sometimes the presence says it all. I saw my friend yesterday at the hospital because she was supposed to have her IV training but she decided to back out because according to her she could see her mom every time she see's a cannula. I don't know what to say so I just gave her a big hug.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
I think the best thing we can do is just listen when a person is grieving.. Or even just sit with them, since talking will not do much and we might say wrong things.. I think you did right. 
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
21 Dec 12
Hi Stanley! Yeah, I tend to say the wrong things at times as I haven't experienced what she had experienced first hand. So I guess I will just sit and listen.
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
6 Dec 12
i have not any similar experience, i am not so good at comforting too but if a friend is down or anything i just try my best to be there no matter what, tell them encouraging words and everything. just listen and understand them because they really need it in those times and moments and as a friend it would be hard to just ignore it and leave them with it.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 12
Yes you are right. We shouldn't ignore and stay away even if we are not too good in comforting. As I realize that even the mere presence is already a comfort to a friend in need. Just having someone by your side makes you a little less lonely.
@MisterAdy (4)
•
6 Dec 12
Yes, I had similar experience with some friends and they only need to be comforted and listened. Sometimes, some of my friends need to be alone , others need to listen music or to watch a movie or they need to eat so I make them my special food, lasagna, who makes them very happy and calm. That's how I comfort a friend who needs it.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 12
Yes listening is the best thing we can do. Although some people indeed prefer to be alone when in grief, most I've met wants a companion. I think eating is a good way to relieve stress.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 12
Yes Indeed. Helping each other specially in times of need.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
5 Dec 12
Yes, that is what we can do for them - to be around and friendly and good with them as much possible. The presence of dear and near ones make them a little bit of comfort and soothing.
We all are similar in the matter when someone really miss for ever. I think situations like this always not be treated through an exercise, but it comes from our heart.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 12
Hi! Yes very well said. It should come from the heart. I have tried practicing the art of comforting someone for a long time now but it never really works unless there is a situation wherein you are too moved to even think of what to do and it comes out naturally and sincerely. :)
