Please help me BAN this word!

Hello, my dear, dear RitterSport! Make room for two of us..on the Soapbox! I am NOT easily "riled"...but I find that word is a put-down..sorta "like how could you be sooooo stupid????" You SHOULD have done it this way...NO, "I could have done it that way!" and when presented in that manner there is lot's of food for thought! When some-one says to me..You "should" have, I just immediately slam the door on further conversation...I am already aware of my foibles..but I don't need a superior attitude, a "know-it-all" to further my errs! Hope the beginning of the holiday season...is filled with joy! BIG,BIG HUGZ!

y'all SHOULD come to Tennessee & let me tell y'all in person what you SHOULD do, lol.

I know dear Antiquelady, showering you with HUGS....... thats what we should do right now.

Lighthearted truth. I do agree that it depends on the context, but so often the context seems pushy and judgmental. We could do so much better if we would not try to require others to meet our expectations.

Could you have responded? I should have if you could have.....

Yes...I could have, and should have..and now I have! Check your PM's and you will find what you might be looking for...or could you have already done that! Now that the coulds, shoulds and woulds are out of the way! Time for you to get on with your festive baking! Forgot that I didn't list all of the ingredients in metric...I can & gladly will convert them if you wish...Just let me know! Smells good!

hi pikey and pergammano mincemeat pie oh I can smell it across the pon' yum yhum oh heck just remembered I am a diabetic wah wah

@acoustic67scouser...interesting, as it was my dearly departed Father (gone nearly 40 years now) that pointed out the toxicity of this word, and how it can change the tone of a conversation! Welcome to myLot...hope you learn to enjoy this site and it's particpants as much as I do!

I must agree to what you've just tried to explain on the word "SHOULD". And I think the way of saying it really makes a difference. Also the word "SHOULD" is so commonly used from the times of our forefathers, that it "became" a "part" of our daily lives.

OH MY, Little Bro...so, so happy to hear from you...truly, worrying last nite (just before nodding off to sleep) how you are enjoying life "down under"...as you are now in the heat of summer! Honestly....the dang word just offends me! I already know when things go awry..that I "should" have progressed in another manner! From you, as I bare my errors, I need your understanding...not the superiority (my take) of the word "should!" Analogy; I've already stuck the knife in myself..don't need you to twist it. Just watch the change in demeanor of your friends, loved ones, when you change "should" to could! I...WE, truly do MISS you here!! BIG, BIG HOLIDAY HUGZ from Big Sis!

For me, it was my dearly departed Father! Course, he was also such a convivial spirit...at least on the outside! Yes...honestly, I bristle when I'm "should upon!" It seems to turn the direction of a conversation for me! Sorry, I haven't been to active here lately...Storms, Earthquakes..hacked computer, turns one's attention elsewhere...but NOW, I guess it's time to get on with the Holiday Season! Take care, GG, and don't work too hard!

Thanks a lot Dear... Lack of manners is right reason... Partially though! Such a blunt use of words comes through Mother Tounge Influence.. Many of the people in Customer Care tend to translate from their mother tounge to English and then speak. It happens subconsciously and as quickly as possible... And thats why they fail to realize their own blunders... LOL... There are training sessions carried, but it does not work for everyone... :-)

Good morning...so nice to hear from you, my friend! Yes..I think, as a customer the word "should" not be used! For some odd reason, there seems to be a lack of manners in that area of the world today..and it is such an important position, it's the doorway to that corporation! "Could you have" seems such a non-confrontational way to communicate to me! I pray for you, daily, in hopes of sincere peace in your domain!

I "should have known" you would get feisty..Ms. Tennessee! Has this got anything to do with YOUR Birthday, girl???? Could you please read, Ms. Hatley's response (on RitterSports)reply..there are wishes there for you..too!! LUV & HUGZ for a Happy, Happy Day!

I feel, just the word "should" depicts a superior attitude, as when we admit the error of our ways...WE KNOW we "should have" done something another way! I'm already admitting defeat...and respect you so much more, if you just say; "could you have?"

Dear friend..got your last PM, and will get right on to responding! I guess, possibly, I am too sensitive to words and intonations...BUT I always feel much better after conversing with some-one, that I leave them totally intact, including ego...and feeling good about themselves! So often, Iknow I have "screwed-up" and it takes something out of me, to admit my foibles, and if you respond with; "could you have" I feel so much more intact! And I am in a happier world!!

There are those who will perpetually advise others what they should be doing and should not be doing which is often not called for. Unless one specifically asks for advice that kind of advice puts one off. You are justified in feeling the way you do considering that you have always left a pleasant taste after a conversation.

On second thoughts you SHOULD have told that person off!

I think when I broached this topic...I suggested to replace the word "should" with the words; "could you have?" which also includes your good sense in the response!

yes that leaves a person not feeling like theother person just called you and idiot as you could have is not mean sounding nor superior sounding either.I am always telling p eople here to read the gu idelines but I do not thinkI have ever used should and I just s aid it helps or something like that. In school as a klid I heard that should a lot whew.

Altho you are not a newbie..I would personally like to "Welcome" you to myLot! It's to me, amazing, the power of that little word, to change a situation! I think your sister reacted, in the same manner I would have! She already knew that she should have placed those documents elsewhere..but hearing it from some-one else seems confrontational! Hopefully, I am just trying to make the world a little more peace-ful...and you can see by Ms. Hatley's response...that word does go against one's grain!

i think she wanted a little sympathy first, before the analysis, which went over my head because i automatically went into detective mode.

Tina...I do keep you in my prayers..and just know in my heart, your suffering wounds will be soon healed! I so concur with you...sometimes I feel the world has lost it's manners, and being from the old school, I am sensitive to words, and their deliveries! And do find myself, less engaged in conversations, the moment I hear dissention set in by the use of inappropriate words! Sending you GOOD Health and Cheer for the festive season!

I'm so sorry that you didn't understand. I do see a typo or two I made, so that's my bad. Should and could are somewhat interchangeable. I think the biggest difference is how the topic is approached; some people feel that it is their job in life to tell others how to live their lives, and typically will use the word should in an accusatory way. I think using the word could is a much less confrontational way. I think that in discussions like this, we lose the tonal inflections present in live conversation, and that leads to misunderstandings.

We seem to be at extreme opposite ends dear one. "Basking in late Spring"...not! We have been having very high temps. One day in "late Spring" was 44 degrees Celsius! Can you believe it? We've had no substantial rain since July, just a 5 minute storm or the occasional scud of a shower here and there. The garden is looking dismal, even the weeds are dying and we're told it will get even hotter. There is no rain in sight but it will come and when it does we will be in flood. The ground is so dry pergy, it's a crying shame. Your camping trip sounds delightful but I'm afraid I would not survive. The cold would seep into my joints and leave me sleepless. Back when I was camping it would be 3 pair of track pants and the temps were nowhere near minus anything. It was better when we started towing a camper trailer, 5 star camping that was but those days are gone. I don't really do Christmas, especially this year as it's the first without Dad. I will be alone so it will be just another day...no matter, there's always plenty to do to take my mind off things.

You are TOOOOOO funny...my dear friend! So long since I've heard that word "hades"...probably the nearest I ever got to hearing my Father curse! Wet noodle...you betcha, especially when I take it out of the compost bucket...Yuck! You betcha...aren't we ALL blessed with "perfect hindsight!" WE know what we shoulda done, when things have fallen off the rail, so I don't need to be reminded of my ineptitude, if I care to share my failings (or even if I haven't and you found out about it) I DON'T need it rubbed in my face, I'm already feeling the onset of "idiocy" setting in! Whenever we are in touch...I find it so interesting that we are at the opposite ends of the weather spectrum, winter here, and I guess you are basking in late Spring and getting your Garden up and running, and I have just put mine ALL to bed and got the Garlic planted..late this year! My son took me on a wonderful hunting/camping trip into the mountains, right about planting time (weighed the options..and camping was more important!) Probably something you never experienced...MINUS 18 at night! We were in the middle of nowhere, nearest highway some 100 Kms away, every nite a great BIG campfire...Hot Chocolate laced with Drambuie...just the two of us..but lots of laughter! To me, almost the trip of a lifetime! I am so far behind getting Christmas together, as this year my son is coming home, so must bake and cook all his favs. Keeps me hopping! Don't have any shopping done...at all! That's a BAH HUMBUG! Know you are thought of...and always bring a ray of sunshine into my world, and this drab winter!

Dearest Ambie...so nice to hear from you, and we just had two big Curling tournaments here in Canada...and everytime curling is on, my thoughts go to you and wondering if you and your dear Father are enjoying too? As you are aware, there were a lot of issues in my life, that has kept me away for a while...but when I did take time, or have time, to get back to myLot, one of your discussions was part and parcel of triggering this, as well as me being a lot more alert to the day to day discourses in my life! So often, I see and hear "you should have" and I find it demeaning! I can see my foibles, after the fact, as we all can! I just feel there is a more appropriate way of relating. I truly hope this finds you and "dear family" enjoying the spirit of the season!

I really miss seeing you around. I hope your Christmas is wonderful!

Thanks for kind words of appreciation about me, this makes me smile. Yes, probably those people render 'unsolicited' advice who just want to brag and hear themselves.

I am so thrilled to see you here...and have missed your very sage words! Sometimes I feel that the "unsolicited" advice" after the fact, oft comes from those that just like to hear themselves talking, and superiorally feel that they have the best input! As you said, it's over and done with, I have re-evaluated and KNOW, already, what I "should" have done! You are so level-headed and kind!

It is funny, although it annoys me to have people telling me that I should have done this or I should do that, I often find mysef saying it to myself in my head. Telling myself that I should have done this instead of doing that. Another option for people is to say "you could try it this way" instead of "you should do it this way" as it is offering a suggestion as an equal instead of being an authority over the person. It is good to chat with you too, I have not had much time to be here of late as too many other things have a higher priority at the moment. I feel honoured to enter your thoughts when you are harvesting garlic. It seems odd to me that you would, but it is strange how the mind works and I am glad that you think of me! With wheat flour, I think that if you were to grow your own wheat and then grind it yourself, then it would be fine to eat. But as for the stuff in the stores that most people in the western world are using, I would not touch it. As you say, it has been grown with large amounts of pesticides and is most likely GMO as well. You never know what you are eating when you buy mainstream mass produced products like that. It is really scary stuff that most people do not even give a second thought about until they end up with cancer and wonder why. Have a safe and happy holidays yourself and I hope you are not too cold up there while we are enjoying the summer fun down here! As for my daughter, she has been up to all sorts of great things recently,....I might even have to brag about it in a discussion! Take care.. Bill :-)