My son is suicidal and in the hospital right now.

My daughter is living with me with her little son and they still consider the father's income and she does not qualify for medicaid or anything. They told her that the only way she would qualify would be if she were collecting child support from the father and was on full welfare in which case, the state would keep the support $ to help reimburse for their costs. Other than that, they count both incomes whether they are livin together or not.

That's true, unfortunately. You have to lie or at the very least, fudge the truth. I can't believe that she is now blaming him because she has to have the paperwork turned in to Social Services by the 15th or she'll be denied Medicaid. I just learned today that she had applied to Social Services. Naturally, they needed proof of income, or lack thereof, from every adult in the family. She's angry at my son because he exists. She actually yelled at me because Social Services has grouped him and her together. She thinks that, because they're not married, they should be treated as separate individuals. I tried to explain to her that living together as they are is no different than being married in the eyes of the law and, because she told them she lives with him, of course they're going to need proof of his income. He took the form needed to his former employer (the one he didn't get paid from) who said they need to send it to corporate headquarters before it was filled out. My son did all he could and it's now up to them yet she is fuming mad because "he's causing me to be denied Medicaid!!!" It hasn't even happened yet but she's so angry she's yelling at ME! Well, I understand that she's bi-polar and is not on her medication. I wish she would give my son the same benefit. He has been more than patient with her, especially while she was pregnant and unable to take her meds. But, it seems as though she wants everyone to cater to her while she has no regard whatsoever for anyone. She told me that she plans to go stay with her mother for awhile after my son gets released from the hospital. How's that for "love"? I will not allow him to be alone, especially right after he gets out of the hospital so I'm going to see if he'll stay here for awhile. If he doesn't want to, my other son said he'd go stay with him. Oh, she doesn't have any skills to make enough money to support herself, let alone a family. She was depending on him entirely to support her. She was spending all the money she made on herself. (I know, I've seen the new car, clothes, shoes, purses, etc.) She's partly angry right now because her income has to go towards REAL things like food, clothing and medication for her children, etc. My son would do anything to make money. He's even gotten so desperate that he went to see about joining the military. He tried the Air Force and the Navy. They turned him down because of his health issues. That, of course, depressed him even more. I just hope he's put on a really good medication that will help his depression without any major side-effects. I'm going to go see him at the hospital tonight. Visiting hours are 7 to 8:30 p.m. only in the psyche dept. and I told his fiance to stay home tonight. She argued with him last night (in the hospital!) and had him crying so I told her I don't want her going tonight or until she can be loving and patient. If she's incapable of it, I doubt I'll see her there. What a mess.

Don't know how you're going to get that girl on her meds, but it really sounds like she needs to be. What a complicated mess!

Thank you, edvc77. That means lot to me right now. My son is still in the hospital but is doing better and is now on medication. Hopefully, this is the start of better things for him.

Hi freedom! Always nice to see you! I hope things are going well for you and yours. My youngest son had a very hard time finding a job and I took him to Social Services to see if they could help him while he continued to look for work. He was able to get food stamps but they said they had no money to help him out with nor could they give him Medical Assistance because there were so many people on it. While we were there, I lost count of how many Mexicans came in to either apply for services or because of an issue with their existing claims. Most of them could not even speak English! Yet, they have a baby in this country and that qualifies them for all the assistance this country can give because they are that baby's (a legal citizen) legal caregiver. I've heard them talking about their housing vouchers, not getting enough food stamps, needing a new Medical Assistance card because they lost theirs, etc. It makes me so very angry! I see all these Mexicans working jobs that used to belong to American citizens. I understand why they are here because they want a better life but so many are here illegally and never deported. I've witnessed that, too. An illegal Mexican was in court the day I had to go (traffic court). He was caught driving (speeding) without a driver's license and without any form of identification. In court, he still had no identification. He needed a translator to understand the judge. He gave no reason for driving without a license. It was so very clear that he was not a legal immigrant but the judge let him go with a warning to never drive without a license again. Unbelievable! I guess I just don't understand why our government issues so many of these work visas when so many American citizens are unemployed. But, because they do, there is not enough money for our government to help my son, an American-born citizen, get the help that he has worked for half his life. You know the funniest thing? At least one of the companies I used to sub-contract with (as proofreader and typesetter) is now shipping their extra work to Mexico. That's when I lost that work and was forced to work in an office instead of from my home with my kids. It all boils down to greed. Maybe I should move to Mexico. lol (Sorry about the rant. I'm just so very frustrated.)

Thanks, dragon. You definitely understand what's going on here. They're not starving yet. He has money in the bank but it is dwindling FAST. My son went to Social Services and applied for Medical Assistance but was denied. I think that may have been close to the last straw. His partner does not have health insurance. I have no doubt that my son will accept SSI if he's able to get on it. We had tried that once before years ago but he was denied. In order to qualify for a medical disability they wanted proof but he couldn't afford to give them proof without help from them. I despise the way the government has set this up. It wasn't until he found a job with health insurance that he was able to get treated for his depression and his high blood pressure. Of course, he can't afford health insurance on his own. When my kids were little and I was self-employed, it cost me over $500 a month to have family health insurance. That was close to 30 years ago so you know it's a LOT more than $500 a month now. I'm going to look into that Angel Food Ministries for them, then talk to them to see if it's something they'd accept. I'm pretty sure my son would have no problem with it because he's looking at the bottom line... those kids need food and shelter. His partner has an issue with spending money like she's rich and I'm not sure she'd go for accepting "charity". Her pride may get in the way. She's always had someone to take care of her and can't seem to understand the strain that can put on those who do it. She actually said to me last night, "I don't think I can deal with this." All I can say is, SHE'D BETTER! He took care of her when she had a breakdown because she was on the wrong medication for her bi-polar issue. She owes him, if not for love then definitely out of obligation. She doesn't want her mother-in-law's wrath coming down on her right now. But, if she hurts my son, she's going to find out all about it. I sincerely hope that the doctors at the hospital will help him get the help he needs, not just psychiatric help. I wish I could tell you what is going on right now but I haven't heard a peep out of anyone yet today.

Angel Food Ministries is NOT charity, tell her that. They get great prices on food because they are all over the country and can buy in bulk in their particular areas. They pass on that savings to the people who buy their food packages. A typical package might have a big bag of chicken, a couple of steaks, fresh and canned vegetables and fruit, potatoes either fresh or boxed, a dessert and a few other things. I went to the store and priced a package once and I would have saved nearly $50 had I bought it from them. I keep meaning to do this but can never get organized to do it, as you have to place your order at a certain time. Then you pay for it when you pick it up, usually at a church or other distribution center. It's a break-even service meant for people who do not want charity but who would not otherwise be able to afford healthy food. So you can reassure her it's not charity. As to her spending problem, it's pretty common because we're brainwashed from childhood to connect spending with our self image--the more we spend, the more important we are. It's something we have to overcome individually. When she sees her babies going to bed hungry maybe she'll change. You can't make her stay with your son but you can find a way to remind her how he stuck by her without throwing it in her face. Maybe say, wow, this is about as bad as it was when you had your breakdown--that was awful, I'm so glad you had each other to pull through it together. Or some such thing if you see an opening. Hundreds of thousands of people are in your son's shoes but not all have the advantage of a loving mother that lives close enough to help them out.

I have to run out for awhile but I just got a call from his partner, almost yelling at me because, as she said, if she does not have all the paperwork for her application for Medicaid in by the 15th, she's screwed and it's all my son's fault. I couldn't believe I heard those words come out of her mouth! She's pissed because they've attached him to her and can't understand why. I explained that it is because they are living together as a family so, naturally, they are going to take everyone's income into account. The problem is that he has to have a form filled out by the employer he had briefly (that paid him nothing) and they have to send it to the payroll department but Michele (his partner) is convinced that he won't be out of the hospital in time so "SHE'S" screwed. Never mind my son or her kids. She's blaming him now for having a nervous breakdown! She told me that she should not have gone to the hospital last night because she yelled at him and made him cry. "I probably just made things worse" like there was a question about it! I told her to stay away from the hospital today because I'm going there tonight (visiting hours are only 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. in the psyche department) and try to find out how bad he is and what they are doing for him. I know I have to get all this information from him since they cannot legally tell me anything so it'll be better if she is not there upsetting him more. She also said she is going to be staying with her mother for awhile after he is released from the hospital. I can't believe how selfish she is! She doesn't seem to have a clue about how badly that will affect him. In his mind (and I can see this clearly), he'll see it as losing his family after losing everything else. I'm going to try to convince him to come here for awhile to get his head on straight once he's out of the hospital if she really does go to stay with her mother. Well, I've gotta run but I'll be back here as soon as I can. Thanks so much for all the advice and help.

Thank you, telmesh. Things are a little better for my son at the moment. He's still in the hospital but is now on medication for his depression and has had some therapy. I went to see him last night and he seemed much better. Hopefully, with his clinical depression weight off his shoulders, he'll be better able to tackle the frustrating job of looking for a job. As far as his home life goes, I'm still afraid that things will not end well. His partner is bi-polar and has been near hysterical since she had him hospitalized. She's unable (or unwilling) to care for her children, she's yelling at everyone, blaming everyone (but herself, of course), lying to get sympathy, you name it. She was screaming that my son had abandoned her with the kids, the house, everything when it was she who had him hospitalized. I had to decide to ignore that part of this issue after her mother called me, screaming, and accusing me of destroying her daughter. I was flabbergasted! This came out of left field. I had no idea what she was talking about but she would not stop screaming so I had to scream back that her daughter is making up lies and trying now to blame me for her problems because it was just a few hours ago that she was blaming my son for everything. At least her mother calmed down and realized that I have only been trying to help them both. Part of my son's depression is trying to deal with a bi-polar partner who is not on her medication and blaming him for that. She decided to have the baby and go off her medication on her own. If her problem is that severe, she should not have had one child, let alone two. So, I will continue to do whatever I can for my son but I have to try to avoid his partner as much as possible. I have my own issues, including high blood pressure which is normally under control with medication. This girl's attitude and lies upset me so much that my blood pressure climbed through the roof last night. I did not sleep well at all so today I am hurting very badly (fibromyalgia) and am extremely dizzy (I have serious vertigo, BPPV). I don't need or want that drama in my life. So, I'll support my son but she's on her own. I don't have the strength or health to take on someone so ill and I refuse to answer my phone now whenever she or her mother calls me. This really has ruined what little Christmas spirit I was able to drum up. No one I know right now has much to spend on Christmas so I was trying to simply have a lot of people here to enjoy the company and the food. I'm afraid I'm not much into the cooking, cleaning or decorating now. I'll try to get it together but there are no guarantees at this point. At least my son is feeling better. If he does not get help from the government soon (or find a job), I'll skrimp and save to be able to pay for his medication for him.