How is your relationship with your in-laws?

My relationship with my in-laws is one of the things that bothers me for months. I've tried so hard to forget everything they've said and done, but it is really hard. Whenever I tell myself that it's alright, I will just forget what you've said and done to me, then another thing will happen that will again make me feel bad. I have principles in life that I follow. I am very generous to people even if I just knew them but if they would take advantage of me, I just can't keep my eyes close to that. My mother in law borrowed money from me last year and promised to return the money 2-3 months after but after more than a year of waiting, not even a cent was returned to me. Then she told me they don't have enough money for our wedding which they wanted to happen last year even though we aren't ready and asked me if I could shoulder everything and they are just going to pay me 2-3 months after. After all the stress, sarcasm, insult and harrassment I've got before and during the wedding, it seems that she already forgot that those are my hard earned money and she promised to return half of it but so far, it seems that noone seems to remember that promised except me. My husband resigned from his regular job last January which made us experience financial difficulties for the whole year. And what really annoys me, my in-laws are the ones who talk so much, the ones who have many things to say, they comment and complaint on how I treat my husband, but they don't see how I suffered after I married their son. I had to skip meals and save all my money for my transportation expenses because they do not want their son to drive me even though he has nothing to do at home for the past couple of months. We should have saved half of the money if he would only drive for me. How I handled my situation? I decided to limit my communication with them. I no longer care if they don't have money to buy milk and diaper for their little boy in there which I used to include in my grocery list. They say I've changed and talked about it to other people making me the bad guy. But I always tell myself I should not be bothered by those thoughts. That isn't my responsibility after all. Talking about taking sides, my husband usually take his family's side and that is another story.

As of now i have a very good relationship with my mother in law and the other members as well, my mother in law is the one who take care of our son since me and my hubby are always at work.My in laws have a good attitude towards me though i am not really making a bonding between us but we don't have any misunderstandings.

Well, it is hard to have a really smooth sailing relationship with in laws, coz we have different views about a lot of things. We get along quite well, although there are times that I get irritated by the way they speak. Sometimes, it is as if you're hearing people who never had an education. Yup, you read it right! It can be really frustrating most especially if we have been brought up differently. Sometimes, I could not control myself and I really say what I feel. I no longer want them to see me as someone who will just nod on whatever they want to do, say or happen. There was an incident that my mother in law was sort of blaming my son for having more money than her other grandson (which she took care since the parents were never married). His "favorite" grandson apparently "stole" all her coins and blamed my son for having more money. My mother in law was insinuating that I was giving my son more than what he needs. But in reality, I do not coz I know that my mother in law gives him allowance for a week. I felt bad about it and told my mother in law that if her "Favorite" grandson was envious of my son, it is his problem and not my son's. She did not talk to me for more than a month, and so as my sister in law. I understood that my mother in law called my sister in law about me talking back. The only time I talked to her again was when she called me up crying and saying that my father in law was nagging her and was looking for all the payment that the tenants gave to my mother. They were arguing about money, at their OLD AGE!!!! I presented all the receipts I had from school. Apparently, the money which was supposedly with my mother in law was short by more than 500k pesos. She is earning about 1.3M pesos from apartment rentals. I do not know where my mother in law used it , coz she only gave me about less than 200k for the kids tuition fee.

Thanks a ton for sharing this discussion. Well that is very much disappointing to hear about the relationship with your in laws and i know u must be feeling suffocated due to this kind of strained relationship. I think being an elder, it is your mother in law's responsibility to take the initiative and sort all all the misunderstandings in your family. If this continues then, the relationship with others will also turn sour. I think its high time that u all sit together and find out a solution to it. What say?

Mine are great till now. Never had misunderstandings or things like that with them. I admit that they are smart in-laws. Mean that they know till where can push and where to stop regarding our relationship. That's true that it depends on how much they care about their own children. So that would never do them any harm. In the end all parents want their child's happiness. As for you try to be neutral in these situations. When meeting with them, be polite and kind. Never criticize them or argue with. Could come with opinions, advices, help... Be on your husband side too, support him, help him and convince him that would be fantastic if he made peace with his family. Discuss the problem and try to see who is right and who is wrong. Anyway to let it go and be the first to break the barrier. Life is short. It's not feeling good arguing with your own dear parents.

Feel sorry to your situation. Suggest discussions together and explain to her. Seek a way out to solve the misunderstanding.

it must be very awful, right? of course i ever had an experience like yours. the worst is i live with my parents in law house. it doesnt mean that i and my husband dont be able to buy or rent a house of our own but my parents in law dont wanna be left by us. FYI, mosylt of parents in my society act like my parests', they want to be accompanied by their children in their old times, at least one of their children live with them to take care of them and accompany them in daily life. it us very common in my society. back to the topic. i have been living wuth my parents in laws for almost seven years. you may imagine how hard i should adapted with the atmosphere of my husband family. some are verg different with my family. but thank God i can adapt very well. conflict sometimes happens but we can overcome very well. i try to be as nice as i can to my parents in law. i never complain to everything they treat me. if there's something i really hate from them i share everything to my hubby. it's relieving. i sometimes buy delicious food for them on the way home from work. i bought some clothes for my mother in law. it strengthens our relationship. so try to be patient to face your mother in law. talk to your hubby no matter how angry he is to his mom, she is still his mom actually. ask your hubby to first make conversation with his mom. give fancy thing for your mom as your good intention. as i know about parents, they dont like if their children blame them about anything. parents ares always right. yeah it is so suck sometimes but that is the way parents are. we as their children only resoect them cos we love them cos they are our parents.

Like your husband my husband also does not have that nice relationship with her mother. We does not stay together, but for all function we go home i.e. my In Laws place. To tell you without me my mother law does not allow any of her other daughter in law to do any religious work and cook the food also when I am their. She likes the food cooked by me and many time I prepared her favorite fish and chicken dish at my flat and deliver her.

The "in laws" is one of the many problems in married life. Since You are already a member of your husbands family, you may like it or not, you have to accept it, right? I can relate to this kind of situation. What I did was, I constantly talked to my mother in law things that are not related to their mis understandings. I cooked food for her until eventually when they met as if nothing happened. I think as wives, we have to make a move that will initiate the reconciliation of both parties involved. How about trying what I did, but please don't forget to pray. If God answered my prayers, He will answer yours too!