"Mommy Uncle is touching me......."

Not all think the way you do Kash... It is possible that even if the child does not report the parents must be turning a blind eye to this for fear of the consequences that would follow. It is this indifference on the part of the parents that these things happen with gay abandon. The only alternative here would be for a third party to take law in their hands and proceed, and proceed they must!.

You are applying the rule "Prevention is better than cure" Your getting the vibes about certain relatives in your family is a good thing as you know relatives cannot be trusted. Have you also told your kids about this?

As parents they should avoid occasions where children are left alone with male friends or relatives specially involving them with any kind of activities. It is an occasion for those with weak minds for exploitation. All this time such acts were kept under wraps but people are now slowly coming out with facts and one can say con that these things are more rules than exceptions.

Definitely prevention is better, especially in a case like this. As some have shared already, the physical and psychological effects can shadow the victim the rest of their lives! If there's even a hint of it, you must do something to protect the child! You also have to listen to the kids and ensure that they know they can trust you to take care of them and that they can tell you something embarrassing like this. A lot of them are told that it's just "their secret" or that "mommy won't believe" them and it takes a lot of courage for them to be able to say something. They have to be able to trust that someone will protect them from this situation. Good for you LMB!

oh i would hope not. one of my girls was molested years ago and while i was not aware of what was going on with her i did know something was not right in her behavior. i got help right off to get to the bottom of it.

Would you mind sharing how you tackled this rather delicate matter!?

Many a time, the fear of the entire family getting stigmatised discourages the victims from making it public. Nothing as serious as this has happened to the children I know. But could it be that it skipped my attention and may be even yours? Just a thought!

Sometimes the situation is such that reporting an "Uncle" on whom the family depends for their survival could stop them from reporting. May be the parents could resort to a round about way in that a third party could be discretely involved. Just a thought?

The consequences of reporting such incidents need to be weighed atleast in some situations where the "Uncle" could be enjoying a position of status be it in the family or elsewhere. In that scenario what would be your approach? No doubt such incidents need to be handled but how?

It is only now that such things have come to light atleast here in India. The long winded procedure when a situation such as this is reported to authorities could discourage the persons involved from doing so. Could it then be handled within the four walls of a family set up? When a family member is involved the repercussions of having to make public such incidents could mar the family as a whole. What would be your approach? Has anything like this happened in and around you? And if so, how was it handled? Or could it be that you never thought such a thing is possible?

Protecting the child is possible only if the child reports, perga... All these years this subject was taboo. But now thanks to some deep thinkers - I call them deep thinkers, efforts are being made to educate the child about what can be called affection and what is not. And even then all cases would not be exposed yet, for several reasons. The child itself may not mind the experience, hopefully not though. Also, the culprit would perhaps shower the child with gifts after extracting a promise that the child should not talk about it. The good news however is that a child normally has great faith in its teachers and something worthwhile may after all emerge! @Hatley - It is sad that you could not tell the authorities that it was not a car accident!

I actually didnt even know about this until my daughter was a few years old and my brother in laws ex girlfriend told me. He had never told anyone before that not even his parents. I know other people told their parents what he did but they just brushed it off and acted like it wasent true. Its all kept hushed hushed though and that bothers me because if the ex girlfriend hadent told me I may have allowed my children to play at his house with his kids. Even if he doesnt do this anymore it still worries me because of his past.

What I can gather from this is this man is sick and needs professional care. All this while every one took it for granted that close friends and family could be trusted. With awareness programmes in place parents will keep a vigilant eye and this will take care of mishaps atleast to some extent.

You are fortunate that you were able to keep that person who was known for molesting children in your family away from your kids. How did you do it? Were your children informed about the possible danger? Or did you cut off relations with him, after letting him know why you did it?

Sounds to me like you need a little societal mind set change over there (and we do here, too!). Don't get me wrong, I am not a danged feminist or anything--far from it. But when the males are "worshiped" they should also be firmly taught to act properly, to earn that worship--and pay serious consequences when they abuse it. And it shouldn't be given to those undeserving. It's not all that great over here, of course--lots of single parent households, fathers who don't provide for their families, abuse, etc. But that doesn't make it acceptable or right. It's just one of the many things that people have to decide to work on, and one of the areas where law enforcement and the government shouldn't get away with being negligent. Things used to be somewhat better over here when I was a kid--because males were pressured to act properly--now, not so much.

NGOs here are fighting tooth and nail to address this issue but it is so deeply rooted that it will take as much time as it took to get there! I must narrate to you an incident where this woman was all excited that her husband visited her and that she was pregnant. The fact was he had another woman and he had left this poor lady. But the fact that she got pregnant made her feel that her husband still loved her Ugh... So much for ignorance!

Not all situations are that simple that these culprits be treated as rabid animals chrys.... - atleast not here. The father figure stays that way even if he were to be a nuisance around. Apart from this crime these fathers are known to be drunkards, womanisers, et al but they are worshiped. The least a child could do is not to tell the parents but their teachers who could discretely handle the situation. I say discretely as, should the father come to know how the teacher got wind of the situation hell will break loose!

And to think that from now on we have to keep a keen eye on relatives is truly frightening. But as Lovingmyabies said in Box No.4, one gets the vibes about certain relatives the way they go about and this perhaps is the best way to pick those who would be the culprits and keep a vigil. The fact remains relatives or as you said every male member known could be culprits.

What is frightening is the belief that those friends of family and close family members will never indulge in such crimes. This thinking needs to change. A vigilant eye is what is called for and as you said small children should never be alone. The thought that no one can be trusted can go a long way in reducing such crimes. Also it is easy to isolate those who have such tendencies the way they look at their probable victims. Children sometimes do make up stories and that can be easily verified and once that is done the process as you have suggested can begin.

Sad but true Children think that the culprit is showing affection until elders let the child know specially in schools what an affectionate touch is and what is not.

sometimes best friends and familys are not whom they seem.. we all have had problems and things happen we are not aware of till later on but just hear and watch closely what a child may say for they say it for a reason right or wrong true or false it is a reason ..better to know and not to know.. some bad apples fall even if they are kin ..some good , some bad in all familys...

Most here say the same thing -report. But is it that easy. Someone who the family admires, loves and depends on and the next moment he is in hand cuffs? Very difficult.There has to be some other way and I truly do not know how best such a thing can be handled. What comes to my mind is to discretely involve a third party who can handle it without giving it publicity.

I wouldn't allow another day to pass without seeing him in handcuffs or behind bars. NO matter what other might have perceived him as the "goody goody", still justice should be given to the child. A child would never lie to a parent with a thing like that. I mean, where and how can I child think of saying something like that?

Allknowing, yu just made me laugh so hard! But you could be true, you know.

Sending someone to jail is a long drawn out process SIMPLYD. In an attempt to do it sometimes the innocent are booked. No doubt any mother would want that the culprit is booked but the ordeal one has to face sometimes discourages victims from resorting to this mode. Here in India victims get worn out with the inordinate delays to get justice.

That is the only solution.

Yes, that is the same here in the Philippines, allknowing. That's why sometimes some people put the justice into their hands.

One never knows what kind of aftermath one would face with this approach. I therefore feel such matters need careful handling and counselor perhaps could do that so that nothing disastrous happens as a result.

The first thing that comes to mind is to punish the culprit and for this the victim also gets punished in the process, considering the procedures that one needs to go through. If one can handle it in such a way that the culprit gets punished without having to involve the authorities I feel that could be a better alternative and here again the third party that is involved should see that what follows will not harm the victim in any way in the future.

Uncle should be locked up so he can't abuse another child. Then yes, the child will likely need counseling. No adult has any business roughing a child that way. It's a crime.

That would obviously be any one's first reaction. But one needs to weigh the pros and cons of any situation. May be that person could be warned and also told that he is being watched. Just a thought. By and large the less a child is kept alone the better it would be.

If it was that easy things would not have been the way they are today. Here in India it is just about happening - educating the child, that is. This issue was never discussed before even where bigger children were involved. This indeed is a step in the right direction. It will take time for parents to handle the situation in the manner it should. After all they have to deal with someone who is loved and has a position of status in the family.

Here in India reporting to authorities would mean making it public - a permanent stigma on the child who would have to face society as though she is the culprit. We have a long way to go to believing that close contacts are capable of such crimes. A beginning is made and at this point in time parents are expected to handle this rather delicate issue.

It is not as easy as you think as it depends on the relationship the family has with the person concerned.What if the "Uncle" turns out to be the father? People hesitate to do it. A round about way whatever it is perhaps could work? And what is that round about way? Any idea?

Many here have suggested that it should be reported. But will it be done, knowing what the consequences would be? Depending on individual cases this could drag on for years as is the case with anything that is reported. It may not pan out the way the victims would expect it to. Is there any other way and if so what is that way?

I have expressed in comments above how difficult it is to handle this delicate matter as punishing relatives who are considered to be guardians rather than culprits is something that is difficult to digest and needs an approach that will not expose the family. Exposing one member would mean exposing the whole family, something that is not acceptable.