Not excited to spend Christmas at the In-laws...at all!
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
December 14, 2012 11:20am CST
My husband suggested that we go home to his parents' house for Christmas and bring the kids. His folks are old and he wanted us to visit them as often as we can. I totally understand his sentiments and I appreciate how he loves and respects his parents.
However, I was never comfortable around my in-laws, and in their house. My M-I-L is very aloof, and my husband said that she's always like that, even with his brothers' wives. Apparently, its an all-boys family, so perhaps, there's a thing about being a mother to all 5 boys, who are now all married and living separately.
Anyway, I am not very excited to spend Christmas, with them at their house. I hope plans will change, not by my actions, but by unexpected situations. But, if he really wants to push thru with the plans, then I would support him and just suck it all up.
Afterall, it's Christmas, and it's not for me, but for him and the kids.
5 people like this
12 responses
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
It's too bad you don't find spending time with your in-laws for Christmas something to look forward to even on Christmas day. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion and that would really be something else if you don't celebrate it that way. I just hope that everything will turn out better for you.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
I've wanted to have a second mother in her. I think because she's old and her ways are different from that of someone who grew up in the city, then, there's a big gap between us. I'm not that close to my mother or grandmother, either. Maybe, the problem is with me.
Anyway, I still wish my Christmas will be merry.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
Growing up with my father under a broken family, I am also a person who is scared or really not fond of mothers. I think unconsciously I have developed an attitude towards mothers. I can't say it's a general rule for me tough because there were times when I like being with some people's mothers. I have the attitude of getting involve with adult in conversations and so at times I find myself in some so it's not weird when there are mothers in the group. Anyway, I do understand how you feel though. Maybe in time you will learn to adjust and so thus your mother-in-law, although I should say that it would be harder for older people to be doing the adjusting.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
I am also not used to conversing with people who are older. That's what Im used to since I was a kid. So, until now, I always feel awkward around older people and also around superiors.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
Please try to be patient to your husband's wish since you know his sentiments about his parents who are already old. It's Christmas so it's a time to share whatever you can share to those in need of it.
And the way i see it, you husband just wants to share his family's time with them, because he knows that time is already running short for his parents.
Anyway, you can suggest that next time, you just want it spent with your own family.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
Yeah, it's Christmas, so you should just bear being with your in-laws. 
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
I perfectly understand and willing to do so. I am just saying that I'm not that excited to be with them. But, since this means a lot to my husband, and is also important for my kids to be able to spend time with the grannies, then I can't be selfish. Not on christmas!
@JDaw2006 (428)
• United States
14 Dec 12
I am in the same boat as you are. But for many many different reasons. My fiancee is not looking forward to going to his dads either so not sure how that will work out. They keep asking if they can come over and see the kids but i just dont now i told them yes to begin with but now i am wishing i had told them no. But then again i wouldnt want to be rud about it or anything. So i now what you are going through. Best wishes to you and good luck and merry christmas.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
It's not that I don't want to see them, but I'm just not excited about the plan. I would be happier if we'd go to the beach with the kids. But, oh well, we have obligations to our in-laws, too.
1 person likes this
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
15 Dec 12
Just have fun when Christmas eve comes and never mind your in laws. I think I would spend Christmas happily because I'll go home and my parents allowed me to spend Christmas Eve in my boyfriend's house. His mom is very heart warming. He said his mom would appreciate him a lot if I'll gonna spend Christmas with them. I am treating his mom as my second mother because she was so nice with me since we have met. She do everything just to make me feel comfortable when I am in their house or if I visited my boyfriend.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
I'll do my best to be nice to them. I'm afraid Im not a very good liar and pretender, though. So I need to really feel the slightest fun and enjoyment, otherwise, I'd be obvious about not being comfortable around them.
You are lucky to have her as your mom-in-law.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
We lie on Christmas season for our kids. We talk to her about Santa and that he is coming to leave goodies in her Christmas socks if she is being a good girl today. And, my husband even dress as Santa on Christmas eve to meet her. It's so fun to see her feeling scared at first, then she'd enjoy being carried by Santa.
We talk to her about Santa and that he is coming to leave goodies in her Christmas socks if she is being a good girl today. And, my husband even dress as Santa on Christmas eve to meet her. It's so fun to see her feeling scared at first, then she'd enjoy being carried by Santa.
@Ashokraghute (158)
•
15 Dec 12
Christmas and all festivals are kids specially. In Christmas Santa Clause is special attraction to kids. Because they are told in school that Santa Clause bring so many toys and sweets for kids and put in socks. If it is seen seriously every festival spreads love, forgiveness, brotherhood in every human being. Hence every one should respect festival of any religion, and accept it with due honor. In facts the nature has created only two castes and only religion, i.e., male & female are two castes and humanity the only religion.
@pomwango (1353)
• Kenya
15 Dec 12
hi Jureathome,i feel what you are saying.i believe Christmas time is so special you should spend it where you are happy and at ease,to spend such a beautiful day with a fake smile and dying to go back to your own home is sad but i guess its the sacrifice we must do at times to be a good wife, mother and daughter in law.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
Sacrifice is the right term. I just hope MIL will be nice to me the whole time, and I'll be even nicer.
@ctryhnny (3460)
• United States
14 Dec 12
WE have to realize that our parents aren't going to be around forever and your hubby wants to spend as much time as he can with them while they are here. You just have to suck it up and make the best of it. I'm sure it's going to make him and your kids very happy. Try to have a nice day...it won't last forever it's just Christmas!
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
I know, and I really don't have a choice. I can't be selfish on Christmas. I don't want to Grinch about it!
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
14 Dec 12
Awww, that's too bad. Can I ask you, does the whole family go there? I mean all the other brothers and wives, kids, etc. If there is more than just your family, then I would just sit around and shoot the bull with them and be polite to your MIL, but I wouldn't go out of my way. Have fun with the other people.
You didn't say nothing about the FIL...talk to him. There are ways to get around this and seeing your hubby wants to really go with the kids, I would try to be in a better mood, so you don't spoil the fun for others.
Like you said, afterall, it is Christmas. Cheer up, and smile. It's only one day and the next day you can write in your journal about all the fun you had. 
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
No, it's only us who could go visit. His other brothers' family are living too far away and can't be there for Christmas. We're the closest to them in location, so it's a shame not being able to visit them on the holidays.
Oh, good you ask about the father. His dad has his own world, and one that I can bear with, because he doesn't really mind much about emotions. Although, he can be a bit annoying for my husband, because he demands things like he's the only one we care about.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
14 Dec 12
Aloof is better than meddling. So, while your MIL may not be terribly warm and friendly, at least she isn't going to try to hijack your life either.
Perhaps, though, it would be better if things were on your turf? Would it be possible for his parents to come visit you?
At any rate, as long as you aren't spending every holiday with your in-laws, it isn't too bad. You, your husband and children need to have time to yourselves as a family, and you also need a chance to build some of your own holiday traditions. As long as you are having a chance to do that (not in terms of one particular holiday but in general), spending the odd holiday with the in-laws is reasonable.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
His mother is aloof and is not very warm to me and only talks to my husband. But, his father, oh my... he treats them as if they're just boys. He demands them to do this and that, whenever he wants.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
15 Dec 12
I think if we are celebrating any festival with all family members means feeling happy but if in laws are danger means quarrel with you then it is hard for you but in my opinion you should go there for the wish of your hubby and kids.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
14 Dec 12
I never like spending holidays with my end laws when I was married... I liked to stay home. I understand how ou feel there. Hope it all works out well. And you have a merry xmas.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Dec 12
Did you have a bad relationship with your in-laws? Why didn't you like to be around them?
@Ashokraghute (158)
•
15 Dec 12
This is common approach of almost maximum married girls. According to me this approach is very absurd approach. When married girls get excited to go to their maternal house then why they should not have that much excitement to go to in-law's in vacation or in holidays. This happens only because of social illiteracy. Every girl should know that she gets born on three time in a life. 1st birth in maternal home, 2nd on marriage, after marriage her matrimonial house becomes her own house and then her in-laws become her parents. In laws should also accept their daughter in law as their own daughter. But alas! after marriage every mother thinks that her son has been encroached by daughter in law. This practice should be stopped. Otherwise marriage system will fully collapse
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
Yeah, I hope all mothers in law will just be happy that someone will take care of their son. I hope she sees how much I love her son and her grandkids. And, how happy and content my husband is with me and our family.
