I think I've been depressed for a couple of years...
By jhustinian
@jhustinian (612)
Philippines
December 17, 2012 3:01am CST
I have noticed this changes after my freshman years in high school, something during my first year had made me changed my outlook in life. I didn't enjoy being surrounded by people as much as before, I believe that my self-esteem had gone low even though I try to fight back all my negative thoughts. Just a few months ago, the Psychology department in my school posted trivias in their bulletin board, and me, with nothing better to do had read everything in it. I've read the signs of depression, and I think I may have passed in the majority of the symptoms. The most obvious one was the need to be secluded and alone, and the trouble in sleeping. Constant thoughts of death was also included in the list, but I'm not sure if thoughts of death of another person or characters in a story counts (I've always been a fan of angsty and tragic stories after all). I've also started losing interest in things I've been so fond of before.
When I read those signs, I felt like I have to consult a doctor or something. But I don't want anyone from my family know of it, and also the fee for consultancy hinders this, I don't have a job and I'm still a student. I'm still supported by my family, although it's not very uncommon in my country. People in my age would just usually leave the confines of their home when they marry after all.
I always wonder what to do to improve myself. I wanted to have inner peace but I don't know where to start.
2 people like this
15 responses
@GilMegans (241)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
Hi jhustinian, it's been very sad to note that you've been establish such kind of thinking to yourself. One thing for sure, you're only putting a wrong impression and assessment to what you've felt and act during a couple of years and till to date. I am not a psychologist but if i maybe authorize to speak about such crucial issue in behalf of your situation i will do it. Every situation, events and circumstances happen in our life has its corresponding solutions. Thinking about bad things that in line with stress, exhausted, anxiety, immorality and depression will not be a healthy practice. Everything can be eventually surpass if you still hold your faith to God. Let him make a move to heal your depression but of course it will require your full cooperation within yourself. I can feel the phantom of your fear and solitude as regard to your case but the world has a great places to go which makes you explore and discover things that can nurtured back your happiness and interests in life. Be strong to your faith and have confidence to defeat all bad events transpired in your life..
It is only a test which measured your capacity to answers all fill in the blanks of life. Continue your life and sour high for the real happiness...
1 person likes this
@cessybear (223)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
I think you need to tell it to your family, or if you don't really want them to know, I am sure you have some of your friends who are willing to help you. Because at times like that, what you need is a Support Group. They will guide you to overcome that depression. But prayers are the best medicine, you can always talk to God about your problems. God bless you!
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
I'm not really sure if I could open this up with my family...we're really close but we really don't usually share this kind of thoughts and deep emotions, and talk over it. I dunno...and I don't really know if I have the courage to do so.
@cessybear (223)
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
Okay, I won't force you to do it. Another way is to open up to someone, because there's a healing power in expressing your emotions. You can do it to your closest friends, or maybe someone you used to talk to. I've read an article that it could be a stranger you just met in some social networks, what's important is that you know that someone is listening to you, that you expressed your thoughts to them.
@dandan07 (1906)
• China
18 Dec 12
Maybe the school atmosphere is not suitable for you. But there are still many things you can do change your mode. The useful way is to make some new friends and spend your time with them, so that you can forget unhappy things. If the way is not suitable for you, you can focus one of your interests which can help you do not have time to feel depress.
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
I'm really sorry for the very late response to your kind comment, I just didn't had the heart to reply then. Thank you so much for your concern, I feel a bit happy now..although the claws of depression still awaits around the corner. I'm really bad at making connections with other people, hence, I'm not really good with making friends. The best that I can do is to be online and shed my heart here, and talk to my online friends from different countries. I feel at ease talking to them, and to the people like you..because you don't see me...and I know we're all far apart that you or them, won't judge me too easily, but my words only. I think both my school and home give off the same atmosphere, but I'm more comfortable at home compared to the other. I really can't stick to one thing too, sometimes I would read novels and such nonstop, sometimes I would go back to my art materials and draw till the day ends, or sometimes I would just play the guitar or watch tv. But knowing that those are my hobby, and had always been in my life, even though I enjoy them a lot, I still can't escape from the clutches of depression. I'm so sorry if I sound so gloomy and hopeless.
@jpso138 (7851)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
For as start you have shared it here in mylot. I think one of the best ways to solve your problem is to share it and from there find some advise on how to overcome it. Perhaps find something to do other than just staying in your room. Maybe you could join a club or organization that help other people or do some good deeds. This way, you will have an outlet and from there you can move on. Sometimes a lot of crazy things comes in our mind when we are alone and we have nothing to do.
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
I'm so sorry for the very late reply...I just didn't had the heart to do so back then. I thank you for sparing your time to read and respond to my post, thank you so much.
I thought of that as well, but my schedule in college is pretty messed up so I really won't have time to spend to join the activities of charities or organizations out there. And another thing is I'm...well...I'm not really proud of this, but I'm a procrastinator...I'm too lazy for my own good. I do sometimes think that my laziness causes me depression...if that's possible that is.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
Hello, jhustinian! I hope all the members that reposnds to your post could somehow provide you some solutions to your problem.
Why do you think you started to feel this way? What triggered you to have a different outlook in life? Has there been any changes in your household? have you experienced any tragic experiences? I think that with the questions I stated, you may be able to go back in time and analyze what truly was the cause for your seclusion from the outside world.
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
They have tried their best, just like you did, and I thoroughly appreciate everyone's concern and responses. However, I believe that the answer in order to end this depression lies on my own hands, it's just a matter of changing your perspectives in life after all (but I've been trying so hard, and I guess I'm still failing miserably).
I do know what caused this and I believe I'm the one that have been so hard on myself that's why I'm still suffering. I just hope that I would learn to get over all those pain and move on with my life. I dunno...but I do feel, that isolating myself will still make me feel much better, that's where I find solace, and I'm not letting go of it any sooner. But in time, I'll probably learn to grasp the outside world again. Thank you so much for responding anyway. I really appreciate it.
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 12
I have stressed for years too,, after completing my degeree I felt that everyone in my family pushing me to get a job according to their thought. I did not feel any peace at home cos my family always talk about apply here and there. Then I decided to move to another city and start my ownlife and do what I want to do.
I thin it's your environment that causing your stress, may be you need new atmosphere like me.
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
I understand what you went through...and the truth is, I think my family was one of the major causes of what I had been going through as well...that's why I can't open this stuff with them. I actually thought of trying to be independent for once, and maybe study and live in a boarding house away from them, but that would require a good amount of money and I know we cannot afford that at the moment. I agree that changing your environment would probably be a good thing. I'm happy that you seem to have passed that phase? I hope you're now happy with your current surrounding, away from the place that gave you stress.
@luntian_grace (1373)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
try to see councilor or a psychologist i had see one when i had depression. these people can really help you in-terms of finding the root of your depression and how to combat them. i had a year and six months session before i was totally fine and capable of standing on my own again.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
You need to open up with your family.
Depression is easy to deal if you only allow people to interfere in your life.
You cannot handle it alone, and no one can help you but your family and your loved ones.
You need attention and you need people around to understand your situation.
@iva75cpb (729)
• Bulgaria
18 Dec 12
Sorry to read you feel this way. Each one of us has had their moments of depression in certain periods of their life. First of all, you have any suspiciouns of having symptoms of depression, as you state, you can't, and shouldn't avoid seeing a doctor. Only a qualified expert can tell you for sure whether you are depressed for real or just having a difficult time. While the latter can be overcome by yourself, the real depression can't, and requires serious work with a therapist, otherwise it may grow into something much more serious and even lead to psychotic episodes and physical discomfort. The origin of the bad thoughts must be found and once it's done, you will need the full support of your family and friends. You can't do this alone and you shouldn't delay seeing a doctor much longer. It won't hurt, it can only help you. Be well!
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
18 Dec 12
jhustinian
Sorry you feel this way. If you belong to a church, you could go see a religious leader. They would probably speak to you with no charge.
Keep an open mind about any advice you get from anyone because when we are emotionally involved we are also more suseptible to suggestions. Talk to close friends or relatives if you don't want to tell your family. I wish you the best..
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
17 Dec 12
First to tell is God. Got to your church sit in a place where you will not be disturbed then pray with all of your heart. Not the prayer like rosary prayers and all sort, praying with your heart is like talking to God sincerely of what and how you are feeling with your own honest words. Let all your emotions out and tears out even if you feel like there's nothing to cry about. Then in your last prayer, ask for forgiveness and guidance. After praying, then tell your family and I'm sure they will help you.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
19 Dec 12
I would suggest talking to a minister or priest. Even though you may not be very religious, they must keep things confidential. Also, they may be able to recommend counselling that doesn't cost a lot. Perhaps your school offers counselling. My suggestion is to stay away from tragic stories. Find stories filled with inspiration and joy. And do some volunteer work - it often lifts a person's spirit when they can help someone less fortunate than themselves. Help around the house and be more supportive of your family. When people are needed, it is often enough for people to be inspired. If you want inner peace, then you must seek the source of that inner peace. Search for inner peace and go where it leads you.
@greenthumb018 (595)
• Philippines
17 Dec 12
It would be better if you tell your family about it. The one who will care so much about you would be them. It is sad to hear that you are in that situation even though you are still young and should be enjoying your life as a young adult. Why don't you try joining community activities or volunteer to charity work? If you do that, you will learn to appreciate the beautiful things in your life and will feel that you have a contribution to the society because you are helping people.
You can also join a retreat for three days or a week wherein you can find inner peace and hopefully be better when you get back.
@jhustinian (612)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
I know that talking to them about this stuffs is essential, because well..they are my family, and no one would love and care for me as much as they do. I totally understand that part. But the problem is...I don't really feel comfortable to wear my heart on sleeves in front of them...I don't want to look so vulnerable and weak in front of others eyes. Yeah, socializing might be a lot of help...but that's one of the things I lost interest to when I started to feel this way...
I'm so sorry that I am burdening you with my problems. But I feel grateful that you took the time to respond and try to help a stranger like me. Thank you so much. *hug*
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
17 Dec 12
I'm so sorry, try yoga, aromatherapy, self homeopathy or if you can afford to seek for a professional and depression teas. They work. The work is not for overnight but as a continued effort, some people don't heal but you can actually live a great life. I don't know if you believe in spirituality but I feel light, less angry, less sad when I'm sad after becoming vegan. I actually didn't accept this for the first 6 months but then I couldn't deny it.
