How would you feel if your child only called when something was wrong?
By free_man
@free_man (7330)
United States
December 19, 2012 8:02pm CST
I have a brother in law and the only time they call mom is when they need something. And mom always comes through! But they never pay her back. It has been years and they have borrowed all kinds of money from mom but never never gives a single dime back. It is like they think she owes them or something. Well he did it again and mom with her heart trouble and a storm coming in any minute goes to their house 40 miles one way to take them food. He quit his job to go back to that devil of a wife and has done nothing since he has been there. Hasn't looked for a job nothing. He could at least go apply for food stamps, he could go see if he can get on disability! But it is one thing after another. They called last week to ask for money! They wanted the money to buy drugs I am sure of it. This is her first born so I guess that is why she keeps doing what she does. It just plain makes me sick! What would you do if this was your child? How do you make a 52 year old man stop being so lazy? What can you do?
3 responses
@1corner (744)
• Canada
21 Dec 12
Oh that's bad! I thought my 30-something sister's behaviour was, but your brother in law, at 52, is worse. I agree with all of you above - his mom shouldn't let him get away with using her as a cash cow. He's too old to be depending on her. I guess it's been hard on her as a parent, to let him go without, hence the bailouts.
1 person likes this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
24 Dec 12
Sounds exactly like my sister & her husband, except they're younger. Talk about having no shame! They work, so they have money, but get free childcare & housecleaning, plus some meals + rent payment, expensive appliances & a Yamaha piano (which they hardly use). Their children are bought clothes they need (jackets, boots), which they're too lazy or cheap to buy. I'm sure they've learned to rely on our parents because it's offered to them freely.
Could you ask your mom to stop giving your bro-in-law what the asks for, & explain to her it's not helping them in the long run? That it's making them depend on her more? It would be best if she could tell them they're cut off from the will, so they wouldn't have to harass her for their inheritance.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Hi Corner. Well as it is the wife of this brother in law kicked him out of her home that she isn't paying her mother for and her husband my husbands brother is now having to live with mom. Mom told him that she had spent his inheritance. That is why the wife threw him out or at least one reason. She has a boyfriend and wanted her husband to let her have the boyfriend.....LOL Is funny! We told him before he took her back this time she would do this when they moved into the house she got from her mother. Now mom makes him work in the yard for what money he gets from her. Which is funny in itself because he don't know how to do anything mom has to explain how she wants anything done. Good advice you have there Corner. Thanks
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
28 Apr 13
hi dear free_man I am so sad about that situation which obviously leads to a heavy heart for you but I am afraid you cant do anything about it.
What is it with mothers and her first born sons..... My brother in law is similar. He didnt really learn a trade but more than 30 years ago ended up in a mega supermarket filling up the freezers. He made good money with this job for 30 years. But he started drinking so he lost his job. He then didnt immediately register for unemployment money, claimed he lives off his savings but didnt pay his rent so he ended evicted and what did he do? Go live with my mother in law who owns a house.
Now he sits there, resp. stays in bed most of the time, she is the one who cooks, cleans, still washes his clothes and pities her poor poor sick son who sure only has a few years to live.
He is draining her out but woe on anyone who will tell the truth, this person will be beheaded at once.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Hi RitterSport. Mom has had to learn the hard way she is stuck with my brother in law now cause the wife wants what she can get and since he quit his job hadn't found another job. Mom told him while he lived with his wife she should take him to the city and get him signed up on disability but the wife didn't want her address used for him so she wanted mom to take him and do all the hard work. Mom just plain told them that she wasn't traveling a hundred miles to take him to the city to get signed up. I believe that they are in on getting him signed up and then getting back together. Mom asked him if he was going back to her after he is signed up and he told her that if his wife would have him back he was going back to her. His wife is pure evil. Mom makes him listen to a preacher and it might change his mind. My husband told his brother that if he goes back to this woman not to ever call him again he don't want anything else to do with him. I just pray that Gods will be done with this situation.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
28 Apr 13
hi dear friend, I really hope first of all bro in law gets signed up for disability. My husband gets disability too and it helps with the expenses here. There is nothing wrong with claiming disability.
I hope he wont go back to his wife as she is evil as you have already told me. But you are right, your mom has to learn the hard way.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
20 Dec 12
In this day and age, your mother needs to understand that she needs to stop enabling your brother in law. The purpose of raising children is to raise them to be independent and responsible adults.
Perhaps mom has enough money to keep on looking after her first born son. If you can't get through to your mom that she is not teaching her oldest son to be responsible then you need to step out of this family dynamics. There is nothing you can really do except not let it bother you.
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