Christian online dating not what it's cracked up to be

Cheer up,lol.Don't be sad,you are deserved to find a good man.

Thank you sophie. I do manage to get so worked up over this silly stuff. I think I need to take a few steps back and regroup.

I would love to get more involved in my community, and for reasons beyond just meeting a man. Unfortunately, my current schedule is such that my free time is for a couple hours here or there before 1PM (very sporadic - the actual time off is different daily and every week is different - I have no "scheduled" time off during this time - just grab time when I can) and then again at midnight. Not very conducive to taking classes or joining in community activities. The main part of my work day is from 3PM - 10PM daily. Online dating works well for me because I can answer e-mails and talk to people at all hours. I know it's possible to meet the type of person I'm looking for through online dating. I've done it in the past. My brother and sister-in-law are walking testimonies to the validity of it. I've never met two people that are so compatible. I've had two serious relationships develop through online dating - including one that lasted 4 years. He's now my boss. We have many things in common. We're both educators. Both have advanced degrees. Both consider education important for ourselves as well as others. Both interested in the computer. After dating, we had similar political views. We don't have religion in common either - in fact he's atheist. But he's more Christian-like than these men I've been talking to that are claiming to be Christians. This is the only way I know of right now that I can meet new people. I was just venting. Ran across yet another man that had decided I was the perfect woman to be his wife - and we'd never spoken. Started a discussion instead of ramming my head through the wall.

No, I'm not JUST looking for friends. I don't choose my next partner by lottery. Or because someone's name sounds cute. I choose my next partner because he's someone I can relate to. I have never, ever had romantic feelings for someone I haven't been friends with first. You meet someone. You talk. You get to know them. A relationship blooms out of that. A true relationship doesn't come out of saying I want a husband and you look fine. I know what social networking sites are. And I also know it's not what I want. They're out there. I've met them through online dating sites. But it gets tedious dealing with people who appear to be doing nothing but looking for a warm body to be their wife.

There doesn't appear to be a possibility of building real relationships on the Christian sites I'm on. These guys behave like this is a marriage market and I've signed up to be some sort of mail order bride. Last I checked, dating doesn't assume marriage. I'm not looking just to be friends with anybody. That's just where it has to start. In my opinion, anyone who doesn't have a little bit of time to invest to get to know me doesn't have time for a relationship. I agree. These sites aren't full of legit Christians. They may say they are God-fearing and they go to church all the time, but they certainly don't act like it. They like to talk the talk. They like to say how important God is in their lives. How they want a God-fearing wife. How important fellowship is to them. Most can't even put together a complete sentence about what love means to them. Their definitions are nothing more than obvious cliches. They even say it's important to them that God guides every aspect of their lives. But they definitely don't walk the walk. The way these men were behaving is not the way I learned a God-fearing man should behave. I met more Christian-like men on standard dating sites. Maybe my use of the word "friend" is throwing everybody a curve ball. I'm not looking for buddies. Surprisingly, you can go on online sites and do nothing but become friends with people. It's difficult, but possible. I equate the process of online dating with the process of dating someone in real life. To me, online dating is nothing more than a different type of bar. It's just the means of connecting me to people. In reality, I wouldn't begin a serious relationship, in fact any romantic relationship, with someone I just met. In reality, we would talk. Longer than 5 minutes. We would get to know each other. I can't become romantically interested in someone unless I'm attracted to their personality. Without spending time getting to know someone and getting to know their personality, I will never be attracted. And I refuse to begin a relationship with someone on the hopes that someday I'll find I like them. I can feel lust for someone that is physically attractive, but that's the extent. I don't feel a real attraction until I get to know them and form a connection. Obviously, I don't form a romantic relationship with every single man I get to know. So talking isn't a guarantee that the feelings will develop. I think this describes fairly well what I want - can you think of a better way of describing this than "friend" or should I not even talk about my motives? What do you think? I know there are men out there that think the same way I do. I met my current boss through an online dating site and we talked through messenger for weeks before meeting, even though he lived 5 minutes from my house. After the first week or so, we talked daily until we exchanged phone numbers. Then we talked on the phone a couple hours a day. We ended up dating for 4 years. This is what I'm looking for. Someone who wants to actually get to know me before meeting. Before deciding we're in a relationship. I was just venting. I had just run across another man trying to pigeon-hole me as his wife before even talking. I've left all the Christian dating sites I was on. I've joined a few other sites. Gonna give these a go again.