Can I survive Christmas with all the family drama?

Write your daughter and son-in-law a short note, asking that they bring your grandkids over for an intimate, quiet dinner, perhaps a day or two after Christmas. If either of them ask you to bring along anyone else, just reiterate that you want time with them, JUST them. There is no reason to bring all of your son-in-law's family drama into your home. My mother didn't get along with her in-laws for a number of years after they married, but they eventually patched things up, enough that my MOTHER was present when my grandmother passed (dad was home with us kids). I tried hard to get along with my in-laws, but my MIL drove me batty! Didn't stop me from helping to track them down during a flood for my daughter though. Everyone deserves peace during the holidays. Let your SIL deal with HIS family drama; it sounds as if there is more than you're sharing here (or privy to the knowledge even!) and it would be best for you to just stay far away.

First of all: christmas is nothing more as (remembering) the birth of jesus or a birthday party. The rest we all make up the way we like and there is a lot of emotions/feelings/habits which have nothing to do with it at all. After all a party you can always celebrate. Since you say you do not take sides I would suggest to stay out. You can give a christmas party or (shorter) meeting yourself. Invite and see who will come over. It doesn't matter if it's 1 day earlier or later. It's about the idea and what counts is the attention and relaxing, quality time you can share togehter (with those who like to come over to enjoy instead of fighting). Fact is you can't change anything about the situation, you can only make it worse by refusing to go over, by being angry because they (daughter or son in law or ...) don't do what you advised. But still it won't help you. So if you plan not to go tell your daughter so you daughter can say how or what to her mother in law. You also say: I am really angry that MY plans.. but this is not about you. If you really mean what you say about your grandchildren let it be. The mess for them is already big enough. Make other plans for you, be creative and invite them later and give a great after party! So they know Santa did find them everywhere no matter what happened or where they are.

I really have nothing much to say, i have my life been this broken as a member of a family whose parents separated, but there was no issue where we would spend Christmas or holidays, my dad never cared anyway and never asked to spend time with us. i hope you find time or a way to spend the holidays with your grandkids even if it wasn't the exact date though.

That is a terrible situation! Can you invite them over to your house or are they not local? Norman Rockwell America was idealism, I think. People still had the same problems, basically, as we do today. I remember the times were simpler and we didn't have these dramas because people were more dignified and didn't air their dirty laundry even to family sometimes. Nowadays, anything goes and nothing is kept back. That means if one person suffers, the whole family and society does. I think if we were a little more reticent about our personal problems we would be better off. If your in-laws had kept their drama to themselves this might not have happened this way--misery loves company and they made sure they had a lot of company. What a shame, particularly because now the grandchildren are drawn into it, too. That's very selfish.

It's all too crazy for me! I don't blame you at all for trying to stay out of the "drama zone"! I feel for his mother - she must really be hurting to feel hated and/or shunned by her own son. Hopefully they can learn the Christian value called "forgiveness" then they can all love one another again.

sure would be nice if xmas was only full of joy. I know how you feel there. maybe they can all get along at this great time of year. merry xmas to you and yours. See you here soon.

Well I suppose we could call Norman Rockwell portrayal somewhat myth, but also somewhat real, as society was much more family oriented and simpler than it is today. Yes, I think we have lost a lot. Of course there was some divorce.. and cheating and whatnot.. and also those who suffered through very bad conditions due to not wanting the 'stigma' of divorce. And there was abusive situations, and all that, but I think on less of it than nowadays. I say this because so many families have either no father or a step father, or step mother, not that there isn't lots and lots of very good step parents, but there are also those who are less than desireable and care not enough for children not their own. I don't mean to make sweeping statements.. I just think many cultures have lost a lot when they have lost their cultural roots, traditions and faith.

The way I see it here, is that your son-in-law has made the decision and it is not your fault, so why not go and spend time with your grandchildren. I don't see how you would be drawn or be deemed taking sides if you devote your attention and conversation around those grandchildren of yours. Leave the dramas in their theaters while you enjoy your moments at the soda and candy bars outside. You do not need to see the show if you do not feel like it. If you are not convicted enough, then bring the uninvited guest along and bring the grandchildren out for a walk as appetizers. Being neutral is simply a statement but how you interpret and do things is what matters here. You've already made your stance, I think it is time to let your walk do the talk. Happy holidays! (Despite the matinee.)

I can imagine how uncomfortable you will feel with the scenario. It is awful to create situations to further a drift and being a part of it is surely not going to help. May be you could refuse the invitation? You could perhaps just visit there and spend time with the grand kids on another day?

I am sorry your Christmas plans didn't go as you thought they would, and hope that your family was able to iron something out so everyone had time with each other.

christmas is about love and giving. im so sad upon knowing this story it is not just a drama for me.it is worst. i hope your son in law will stop taking sides because no matter what happen, he can nver change the fact that he has still a mother.

Perhaps you just have to not let it bother you. Not sure who is getting the divorce in your family because I missed reading about the Thanksgiving announcement. You can't control what grown family members do. But you can control your own feelings and what you can do. Perhaps you can see your set of grandkids on another weekend than over Christmas. Even if you cautioned your grown children, they can choose for themselves what they want to do. There is no point in getting angry. If you are not that close to those in-laws, then I wouldn't even worry about. Your family is not the only one who has family members going through a divorce. If you are a Grandmother, then that is where I suggest you focus your love and attention, your Grandkids. But whatever you do, don't say anything to your Grandkids, just love them and be there for them.