I'm so angry with my brother!
By Becky
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
St. Peters, Missouri
December 25, 2012 10:18pm CST
Friends, I have a problem. My brother is just a little over a year older than me. We live about two hours away from each other, so we don't see each other on a regular basis, but we do see one another. Like on holidays. My brother has become more opinionated and condescending as he has gotten older. He and his wife got our mom a laptop with Windows 8 operating system for Christmas. It was a very, very nice gift. But our mom is over 70 years old and was stressing over the differences between what she's used to (Windows7) and the new Windows. Remembering what I teach to beginners and the questions I've seen regarding using Windows8, I asked about accessing the control panel. I asked about how to get to different things that used to be on the start menu. He insisted the new desktop WAS the new start menu, even though he couldn't show my mom how to do various functions that used to be accessible through the start menu. He just told her to "play with it" and rolled his eyes at me. This is a common occurrence with him, where his answer to everything is to reply with a condescending tone and say it's not important. My mom says "it's just the way he is". I get so angry I can't see straight, but since we don't see each other very often, haven't said anything. Would you see this as a problem? Should I talk to him even though we don't see each other very often? What should I do?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
26 Dec 12
First of all, as one who gets confused with changes, (not that I don't like them, I just need time to learn) I know by "playing" with it, she will only get frustrated. For example, about a month ago my XP was getting ready to go, so when my son bought a new computer for himself, he gave me his knowing I had no money for another computer. Problem is, it is a Vista home and I had to ask so many questions, even here on mylot, to figure out "how to do" something. So I agree with you, if your brother gave this to her, he needs to understand she can't just "play" with it.
My question is, do you live that far away from your mom? If not, maybe you can help her or even if you do, maybe you can help by phone, chat, or e-mail?
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I am sure she will appreciate you helping her out. I didn't know you could download a shell for the classic look, that will probably be the best for her then..:)
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
1 Jan 13
I spoke with her this evening. Shr said she tried to use it the other day. She tried to get to her e-mail and couldn't find it. I'm going to get together with her this weekend and fix it so she can find anything she wants. She said it's set up to open to the desktop. So at least it looks sort of familiar to her. I'm thinking I will set up her desktop, where it's set up to take her now and might also go ahead and set up her new start menu. That way, if she has problems with the desktop, she can easily switch. But I think the desktop will work for her. I've never used Windows8 before, so I'm afraid to give her help over the phone. I'm just not familiar enough with it to give step-by-step directions without it in front of me. My computer is still Windows7. But I've read enough on it now that I can see where the similarities are and should be able to make it comfortable for her. Thanks for your support!
1 person likes this
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
26 Dec 12
Yes, you are right. There are some things I can do to make it simpler for my mom. It seems to be password protected and she doesn't even know how to logon right now. I can easily solve that for her. Since she seems to just want to use it on a limited basis right now, I was thinking I'll set up the initial screen so that she can go straight to anything she might want to use. If she later decides she wants to use it more, I'll download Classic Shell for her that will basically make everything look like previous versions of Windows. Although she's very intelligent, she's made it clear she has no desire to learn anything new. I'll respect her wishes and help her use her new gift without having to learn a lot of new stuff.
1 person likes this
@cui_hezron (75)
• United States
26 Dec 12
If I were you, I will counsel him even though he's older than me. I'll defend myself what's best for goodness. He's making you pity in that operating system. Tsk tsk.
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
26 Dec 12
After everyone left last night, she shared with me that she doesn't even want a laptop and has said as much. She also said she just doesn't want to learn anything new. She feels like she's too old. She said she thinks my brother is "too tech-savvy" to understand this feeling. Although I disagree that she's unable to learn, she's very intelligent and capable, it's how she feels. I don't think I should force my opinion on her. She was nearly in tears because she said now she feels obligated to learn it since they spent the money on her. Thank you for your response.
@GilMegans (241)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Hi Betty! Well, don't take it too much serious because it could maybe the reason of a certain conflict or misunderstanding between you and your brother. For me, it is not a serious matter nor a problem otherwise. Perhaps, that's your brother's practice and habitually spoke such kind of words or taking actions without thinking that you were affected over it. Nevertheless, please refrain in putting your temper in a high level platform and extend your patience to your brother for maybe it's not his intention to offend you or anyone else in your family. Yes, you are absolutely right, you really need to talk to him personally and discuss this matter in a professional way. For good order and sake, express your feeling openly to him that you should let him know that you're offended whenever he does it to you recurrently. Everything will be rectified Betty but you must to be frank on what you need to speak pertaining to your sentiments against him. Communicate to him and be true to yourself, it works believe me...Good luck to you and hope everything will gonna be alright...Merry Christmas...
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
26 Dec 12
You are absolutely right. He doesn't intend to offend. After getting a good night's sleep, I was able to put it into perspective a little more. By this morning, I was able to focus on the good intentions. It really was a very nice thing he did and I think I'll be able to fix it so that our mom doesn't have to stress to use her new gift. I was just so mad last night! At least I've gotten to the point that I don't usually act on my anger right away. In fact today, I'm even able to see it as a silly thing. Not important in the big scheme of things. Thanks, Gil!
@sunshinesophie (794)
• China
26 Dec 12
Put myself in your position,I think I would also get angry with him.It is really difficult to get along with such a stubborn person.But as an outsider,I kindly suggest that don't stoop the same level as him.Obviously,the point is that he is your brother who is older than you.And he tries to maintain his dignity and show off his superiority.It is because he is your elder brother so that he thinks he must be more experienced than you,ever though just one year older.It seems a competition between you and him.But don't you think he is still not mature enough and just like a kid?So take it easy.After all,you two are blood in blood.
Hope you can be happy always.You don't leave the same roof with him,just cut him a slack and do not argue too much with him.
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
26 Dec 12
Thank you, Sophie. You're right. There is a lot of competition between us. I need to back off and need just let it go. In the big scheme of things, this isn't important. Sometimes I wish things could be as simple as they were when we were little kids. The things we did then now seem silly. But I know then, it seemed like the end of the world to both of us. He used to hang my dolls and I used to bite him. He always did know how to push my buttons and I've never been very good at dealing with anger. I'm trying to keep in mind that this isn't about me at all, but about our mom. When I focus on that and trying to help her, I lose my anger.
