new year problems :(
By shion13
@shion13 (85)
Indonesia
December 29, 2012 4:03pm CST
i hate having problems but they seem to love me. i've had these friends problems and i just don't know who to talk to and who to be asked for advices, so i post it in here since i'm already at my limit.
i joined in a community in here and in my city, there are many friends from that community. i thought it would be nice and it was going well until i became closer and closer to those people.
it's hard to tell so i will just try to tell it briefly. in that community things have happened, a boy became my ex, and my boyfriend right now is my ex's bestfriend. my ex's friends like to ridicule us and it makes me sick. my boyfriend's bestfriend who's also my ex's bestfriend, seemed to have feelings for me since back then but now even when he got a girlfriend he still surpassing the border with me as friend and often made my boyfriend got jealous and hurt. next i have a friend who flirted my boyfriend in front of me though she got her own boyfriend, and a friend (girl) who gets all mad just because of something stupid and blaming it all on me (when it wasn't even my fault). some of them ever blamed me for things too(when it wasn't even my fault either).
i'm an easy-to-be-misunderstood person but i didn't think they'd go that far on blaming me, though i never had any bad reasons or purposes to do something(that's why eventhough it's like that, they'll still blame me without concerning my reasons or purposes).
they're trampling my pride over and over again just because i stayed silent and still become their friends after they did painful things like that.
now the problem is - i'm invited on the community's new year party and i'm sick enough to come to it. i'd rather stay alone by myself. but i have a concern on my boyfriend (since he's in the community too). i don't want him to lose friends. and i don't wanna be egoist. but being with them hurt me to the core, i fed up already. i'd rather be alone than having my pride being trampled as they like. what do i do? what would you do if you're on my place? any good advice?
3 people like this
11 responses
@iva75cpb (729)
• Bulgaria
29 Dec 12
Just follow your feelings but make sure you talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. I don't think he will lose friends because of skipping the New Year party, because, if they are his true friends, they will understand him. After all, your relationship seems too serious to be broken by quarrels over a party. What if there wasn't a problem with these people and you just got sick at the worst timing? Would have he lost his friends if he stayed home with you? I don't know you well, but you seem a proud person and should not humiliate yourself any longer. Obviously they are not your friends. And if your boyfriend chooses them over you - you do the math about how much he cherished your feelings. And vice versa.
@iva75cpb (729)
• Bulgaria
30 Dec 12
You're welcome, and thank you for appreciating what I said. And to answer your question - no, I wouldn't accept anyone's friendship if they had crossed the line with my boyfriend behind my back. It will be a slightly different story if she just faced me and told me how she felt about my lover BEFORE she started flirting with him (or sleeping, for that matter). Speaking honestly instead of acting behind my back can do miracles in a friendship...
@shion13 (85)
• Indonesia
30 Dec 12
i forgot to tell that i already did that before i wrote this on mylot. i told him how they badly hurt me. well yeah i'm a proud person to be honest, but i won't think like this if there are no reasons or nothing happened. i've been through lot by accepting all that they've done to me. (it's just a slight story i wrote here). for you yourself, will you accept someone as a friend if she/he clearly surpass the friend border with your lover? i still have many reasons though.
but your words are really wise. thank you. :)
@kitoplayer (65)
• Argentina
29 Dec 12
Get your confidence up now, and then tell each an every one of them to f*ck off and then go to another community, group, whatever. Your boyfriend, is it really worth it? Not saying he is bad, but your ex is his best friend, and some girls flirt with him and makes you feel bad. Bet he feels bad himself as well. If that relationship is not benefitting any of you, break it as well.
The others, i repeat, get them out of your life NAO. Good luck.
@shion13 (85)
• Indonesia
29 Dec 12
well, i love my boyfriend and our relationship is progressing as good as it should be. the problem actually is not in my relationship with my boyfriend but in our friends. they're like sh*ts. (about the flirting, we didn't try to flirt with anyone but anyone just randomly flirted us, for this matter i got some flirts too. but this is about our friends i'm talking about. how come she'd do that in front of me though she's my friend???)
i'm concerning about my boyfriend's friendship with the community people for years. :(
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
3 Jan 13
Personally I think this is often a natural thing when everyone within the realm tries to stay friends, and then you get involved with one of their friends. I can remember this being a Big issue for me over 17 yrs. ago and broke up a lot of friendships for sure. Best thing might eventually be deciding what is Best for you, and if you have to break it off, try finding a new guy not in this circle next time and see if things go a little better from there.
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
29 Dec 12
Follow what you have in your heart. I think it is better for you to avoid the party since you will be suffering again from the ridicule and all. Just try to be honest with them. I can see that being a member of that community is not doing you any good. You might want to make a change in 2013 and break away from that group.
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
28 Jan 13
The first rule is not to date your friends ex, it keeps problems at by. Sometimes love happens anyways but if it is real it will outlast any problems that may arise. I wish you the best for everything to settle down for you.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
29 Dec 12
Life and relationships will always be filled with good and bad, its part of life. We just can hope we make it through all the bad to find the good. Take care there. Happy new years....
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
30 Dec 12
Now this here in my home also new year problem last year celebrated in big manner and enjoy whole night but this year nobody ready for it. My 31st will go boring. No one is ready to take the decisions about new year program. I think 31st will sad for me.
@Ray_Cai (22)
• China
31 Dec 12
Well,sounds a little complicated. The relationship between boy and girl is so open that close friends may do things beyond the border of friends. If I were you, I would ask the local friends about this issue or just ask the right now boyfriend. Since you mentioned the jealousy of your boyfriend, the instant communication is necessary for you two. The second comes the unjustified blame. Think properly why they do this. If this happened without your faults, go to them and express your ideas. May be they take it for granted to blame you. Still, mutual communication. At last, no one is egoist unless they can not find the suitable community for they. I believe you can join the community once you appreciate it.
@sunshinesophie (794)
• China
1 Jan 13
Hey Shion,I think you should mark A/B/C on them,it would be easier for us to classify the realtionship you mention.
But it doesn't matter,finally I work it out and view that keep your chin up.You just remember the one who is by your side now loves you as well.It is enough.Do not get frustrated and influenced by anyone else's bad words.Coz what they said to you is just mean to hurt you or make you embarrassed.If you get annoyed with them,it would fit in exactly to their wishes.
Be confident and just be yourself.Wish you all the best.
@Rickmar (28)
• Jamaica
30 Dec 12
I was once in a similar situation where my friends played with my emotion. Until I was listening to a motivational speaker and he said that if you have to suffer fore yourself all the time for your friends and they don"t appreciate it or they suffer you for their own gain or is it that you have have to lower yourself to meet their level then its time to change your friends. May you should really think about them and see if they were really there for you. If not then its time to change your friends.
@Jennlee3 (292)
• United Kingdom
29 Dec 12
I think you just need to be honest with your boyfriend and communicate your feelings about these so called friends who don't respect you or your relationship. Maybe you two could find alternative new years plans. I would rethink hanging out with these people if they are constantly disrespecting you and your relationship. I hope things get better.
