I can't forgive him

I understand that, as my ex husband was the same way. But he did give me a great son here. Remember one thing. Maybe your dad wasnt or isnt a good person. But he helped make YOU, and I think that was a great thing. Think about that......

I am sorry your Mom passed. I am sorry you lived with abuse. My father was abusive too. As long as you can't forgive him, you are hurting yourself the most. When you forgive, you are not excusing the behavior, you are no longer allowing his abuse to have any control over your feelings or actions. I hope that you are able to forgive him before it is too late.

Hating a person equally requires our strength and effort. While you have the choice and every right to decide and do it but I wonder if you had consider the cost and value of such a decision. Especially, when it does not end up making you the better person. On the another consideration, I don't think there's any true animosity in a family, more so a nemesis within the family. If no one is perfect in this world, then I believe your father will not be an exception. I do not want to assume his reasons for doing what he did, or find any excuses for his behavior, or even side him. But, I believe there's an invaluable lesson about loving an unlovable person and the true meaning of family. I think it is important for you to remember that it is a fact that this is your father who is responsible for your siblings and your existence. Now, it is true that he had not been a good father or rather a father of your expectations. I think we need to remember what we are trying to do or doing in undesirable situations and we place prerequisites and conditions to gain our forgiveness. Is this what forgiveness and loving all about? Life to me is not about conditions especially when we are in so much from the weather to the environment around us. We are human with flesh and blood. More importantly, the responsibility to do what is right even when the conditions are not to our favor or expectations. We are parents or will be one day, I am sure we will have to lead by example as far as loving and forgiving is concern. Then, I think we will be out of syllabus when we choose not to forgive and love the person for who they are despite the fact that they are part of the family. Now, it is a fact that when we hate and remain unloving we are bringing more negative auras on ourselves. Such acts have been responsible for the negative vibes like vindictive, bitter and sickness as well like depression, hypertension, heart diseases. This is the area where we are actually inflicting bad consequences and illnesses on ourselves. Just think for a moment, do you think you will be a better person than him? Will your attitude be getting from bad to worse as time goes by? Are you going to use yourself to teach life's lessons to your children? The situation is undeniably bad but whether it continues or improve is really up to you. I believe and trust that you can make a difference here. All the best.

From the way you described it, it is just exactly how my uncles has done to their ancestral home. Actually, the house was never under his name. It was already given to my mom when my grandmother was still alive. But my mom is actually just waiting for some things to happen before she sells the property. I know that she wished to preserve the house which was built in the 1930's, but with the way that she and her brother are treating each other, my mom would definitely just sell the house.

You forgive, for your sake - not for his. You forgive to let your heart free. That way, there no longer is any hate or resentment or bitterness in your heart. Why don't you sell the house as it. There are investors who will buy a fixer upper. So, you do have alternatives and choices. It wasn't your house anyways, so you don't have any of your own money in the house. Which means, you won't lose any of your money if you sold the house as is. Yes, for your own sake, you can forgive. I know of a story where a father forgave the serial killer who killed this father's daughter. Your father isn't a serial killer. So, let it go, forgive, and get on with the rest of your life - in peace.

I was sorry that you lived in such a abused life.It was a big test that you should try your best to face and solve it.I have a good relationship with my father.I can always feel his care and love practically.It's pretty good.On the contrary,I thought what you have experienced was another form of life.In this case,you had to learn to tolerance and devote your love,though you would sacrifice a lot.If you make it,then you will improve yourself to a new stage.And there will be a obvious difference among you and other people who live a happy life.That will be the difference between talent and ordinary.

I can understand why you can not forgive your father, I have been able to forgive my father for the many things that he has done to me they are unspeakable, but I will never speak to him again. As I see it now, he is no longer my father. I have no father. He isn't my real father just a step father, my real father stepped out on my mother before she had given birth to me. Like so many have said you are not hurting anyone but yourself when you are not forgiving your father for the horrible things he has done to you. You have to find it in yourself if possible to forgive him. I hope you do one day.

I have had a hard time forgiving my father as well but then someone told me the only person I am hurting by holding onto the hurt is me. They were right. My father sounds a lot like yours, he was a horrible verbal abuser. He used to call me and my siblings his little slaves, he said that is the only reason we were born, to be his slave! He would say stuff like this all the time and it used to still bother me but I let it go. It wasn't hurting him by harboring that pain, it was hurting me...

Please go on with your life! My dad was a ... but so was my mother so I left home. A house is just a house so why making such a big deal out of that? Bulldozer it or let someone else take care of it, sell it the way it is. What your father did to your mother or siblings is something they had/have to deal with. This is also not your responsibility. What happened to you it not in your hands (anymore) but how you deal with it is. So go on with your life, pamper yourself, love yourself. Don't let it ruin your present or future! In the end you will only harm yourself.

You shouldn't be like that. Especially to your father. Because you weren't able to be here without him. Besides, it's already 2013! You should learn to forgive all the people who harmed you. :)

I'm sorry that you had to go through that traumatic event. Parents are meant to love and take care of their children and provide for the family. I'm pretty sure that I will likewise have a difficult time forgiving my father if I had been in the same situation. However, I'm sure that experience made you a better person. I'm sure that having known the feeling of being neglected you will not do the same to your own family.