two sides to a story, right?

I have not been to many parties where I didn't know the people. When I have attended them I usually stay with who I know, hope that I might meet a few people but I don't go out of my way. It makes us comfortable is really all I can say for this. I don't consider myself an introvert and I don't think I am unkind.

I agree, I totally hate being anywhere if I don't know anyone and it is worse if it is a big party. My older children are the same way and why they hated going to church. It wasn't a big church, but since we didn't start going until they were older, the kids that were "in" would exclude them from activities they were involved in. So even in a church setting, people can be cruel to those who are not outgoing..

The only thing that it makes you for certain is a human being. We all behave differently in certain circumstances, but that does not make us any better or any worse than anyone else. I used to hate going to a party populated totally by strangers when I was younger. It made me feel very ill at ease because I felt that I had nothing to relate to anyone about. The solution for me was a simple one, I stayed where my friends were and where I felt comfortable. Of course that was a long while ago and we tend to change in many ways as time passes. Nowadays I am quite at ease in the company of strangers and would have no trouble socialising with them. I do not consider that this makes me either a better person now or a better person before, I am the same person with a different response to the situation.

Have a few drinksh... you'll feel more comforshable shoon enough... hic!

I really don't know anyone who can go to a party all alone and have a good time. I've never done that and couldn't even imagine it. I've always went with someone and ended up having a pretty good time, even though I'm not too thrilled about large crowds or parties anymore. If someone talks to me, I immediately talk and try to keep the conversation going and this is something I had to teach myself to do. I'm also very shy but push myself to be more talkative.

Introverts and extroverts can not so easily be lumped into the category of 'good' and 'bad'. Some bad people are introverts, other bad people extroverts and same goes for good people. It has nothing to do with morality and is more just a personality type. And being introverted is absolutely not negatively equated morally. It's sometimes negatively equated socially, however. Society dictates if you don't want to be social in a large crowd setting, at a bar or club or party- your behavior is somehow selfish and wrong. But it's not. Why would you ever want someone to suffer through an event they didn't enjoy? It's absurd that society and people make us introverts feel guilty just because we have social anxiety in social situations. I am an introvert and my girlfriend has some extrovert tendencies and enjoys going out. So we compromise. She is sensitive to my social anxiety and frequently makes sure I'm okay, allows me to sit outside (at a club) if I need some air but I go and stick with her because I know she likes it. Similarly, she will sacrifice some nights out to stay in with me and watch movies, read, whatever. That way, neither one of us is truly sacrificing because we are both having our needs met. I find in life it is good to have balance and so long as you have someone who truly loves, respects and understands you, they will not make you feel bad or guilty for social anxiety.

no... it just makes us introverts... I am the same way, except that I've developed some tactics. First, I do my best to avoid being even invited. Second, I have my "safe" topics I will talk about. And, if I get dragged to one I can generally find another person looking as unhappy as myself and soon we'll be happily talking off to the side. You are never the only introvert at a big bash.

I hate getting invited to parties especially when the crowd are total strangers. I am a reserved type of person and when put in a room with complete Strangers I become a living statue. No words spoken unless asked and when accidental eyes contact happened I just put up a reluctant smile. I have not learned the techniques of breaking the ice with strangers in a party.

Dear Ms Hatley Happy New Year I have never been alone to any party - big or large. But yes, I have been to parties where I did not know many. And I am a reserved person and do take time to open up. I never gave it a thought whether I am introvert or not but just continued doing things...If I was greeted at the party, I would reciprocate and if not, I would have my time with the friend(s) who took me there or even confine myself to the food, drinks and the other enjoyments at any party... Knowing the host or the bulk of other people never had any influence on me enjoying my time at the party.

Freezing in a huge crowd doesn't make us introverts unkind people or bad people or just shy. It's being introverts unkind people or bad people or just shy or, perhaps, just being on the not excessively extrovert side of normal that makes us freeze in a huge crowd.

Ever read Edgar Allen Poe's "The Man in the Crowd"? It may be wise to be shy.

Dear Hatley I am an introvert too and dont like gatherings where I dont know anyone except one or two people. Thank God my husband is not extremely extrovert so I am not in the uncomfortable situation too often to have to accompany him to such events. We introverts are neither spoil sports nor selfish........to each his or her own and we are just not fond of big crowds of people. Off my soapbox here in mylot.

I'm an ambivert. When with the right group I can ham it up and interact quite a bit.When I was in high school right on through the time I moved here, I was pretty sociable and thrived on getting acquainted with people I didn't know. I've met and gotten to know well at least two people in a Christian bookstore who were customers when I was employed there. I wound up inviting both home to dinner, knowing my husband would understand. One of those women, who since moved to the Bay area, called shortly before Christmas when she was in town and invited us to visit her and a friend in Avila Beach. Then she took us all out for a delicious dinner in San Luis Obispo. Of course, those were one on one conversations started in a place we both wanted to be in -- a bookstore -- and a common interest is always a help in talking to someone. It's only since I moved here I've become somewhat of a hermit who would rather stay home than go out -- unless the social occasion or person inviting me out is special to me. I do go out unwillingly sometimes, and I usually manage to find someone to mix with, but I still would rather escape big parties where I'm not likely to know many people. I hate small talk, and if forced into a large group, I'll try to find someone else there who would rather talk about something important and skip the small talk. It's usually fairly easy to get someone to talk about himself, if all else fails.

I never had to worry. Im not the party type. Plus when I was married I would never go to a party with my ex. I knew hed get drunk and stupid. Hope u had a happy new years there my dear. And I hope 2013 is far better for you and all of us here. Take care. Love ya...

Well, there are times I have gone and done something just because the person I was going to be with really wanted me to come. And then you get there and feel all alone and really have no one you can talk with or deal with, so it makes you feel miserable and you think how you would really rather be at home. This is how I feel around my husbands family most of the time. Especially when we go around his brothers. Most of the time he even feels like this, so unless there are going to be others around like his sister or his Mom, we now don't go. And going out to his dads anymore is even worse. So I can relate where you are coming from.

I'm such a weird person-I can strike up a conversation with a total stranger anywhere, but put me in a room with people I know and I freeze up! I think it's because I'm afraid that they'll make fun of me, ignore me or talk about me behind my back. I really don't enjoy going to parties any more as a result-even family ones. I always feel silly joining a group because I usually end up as the odd person out.

We're just introverts. Is not a matter of kind or unkind, good or bad, it's a matter of our comfort level around people we don't know.

Dear Hatley, Not at all. Being an introvert is a good thing. One of my brothers is an introvert at times. He is kind and sensitive, but there are times when he enjoys being social at gatherings or parties. He is a wonderful person. Happy New Year!

I have social anxiety disorder, so large crowds are legitimately terrifying to me. I always hated going to parties or places where I didn't know anyone or didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone, because I would freeze-up, close-off, and on special occasions have a panic attack. I'm better now that I've been in therapy for several months, and been on good ol' anti-anxiety medication. But I still don't like parties where I don't know anyone. I don't think that people make harsh judgements of me for being a recluse though. They probably just think I'm shy.

I am the same way in person, I don't like being in a big crowd of strangers. It makes me super uncomfortable and I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I would rather go to something with a small group of people I do know. I am a shy person and quiet so its not like I can start a conversation to get to know people, I have never been good at that ever! I don't think that makes me rude, I just think its my personal preference...