When your stressed...

I would suggest that you try to be supportive, too much "sharing" can scare guys away, especially if they don't feel like they are doing enough...

Yeah i think that is how he is feeling right now. He feels like a failure because were struggling. He does not have a job. He has been working little jobs here and there but nothing steady enough to take care of us properly... I think he feels like a bad father and husband so he doesn't want to face us. It's hard on him I know, but its also very hard on us too. We are all going through the same thing, not just him...

Oh goodness, no offense but you do kind of sound like my husband! There is no offense meant by that at all. He does the same exact thing though and he is even pushing away his friends too, so sad. I hope they stick by him through his little crisis...

My friend's know how I am they know if I need anyone I will call them. They perfer to leave me to myself to think about it, I end up getting a solution. But when people nag at me, or follow me around, I just get ticked off, and don't find a solution. Maybe, his friends understand him, if not then they arnt really his friends.

Exactly...he's in a depressed state right now so it's got to be hard for him. I know what you're feeling though and that you want to help. The only thing I can suggest is maybe looking through the paper yourself for jobs for him, and checking online. Try the website called..www.indeed.com...and see if anything comes up. You'll have to do this without him knowing though but if something interesting pops up, maybe you can calmly suggest it. It's a shame things are like this but it's no fault of his but he thinks it is. Is he on unemployment?

I have been looking on craigslist.org every single day for him...and nothing. It is horrible right now! =( I will check indeed.com too. I haven't checked there yet... Thank you for that. =) He isn't on unemployment because he wasn't working on the books when he got laid off. Its construction so they are rarely ever on the books...Unfortunately.

I think a lot of them are like that too. I think he thinks he's failing us and so he doesn't want to face us right now... He feels he should be the provider and should get us out of this situation. Basically he wants to be superman but he isn't... A lot of people are looking for work right now, especially in our town there are tons of people out of work. No fault of their own, just the way the economy is as of now. But he still thinks he is a failure of a husband and father...

This one aspect of him really gets on my nerves! Lol. Yeah if you want to figure things out on your own I kind of feel like why have a partner in your life? You know what I mean?? What's the point if you want to do everything yourself? I have learned to just leave him alone when he is like this too. I am sick of fighting over it that is for sure... Hopefully he will figure things out soon! I am going to be getting a job soon so we can pay the bills, since he finally talked to me we figured I should get to work again.

Our marriage is fine PQ, Lol. We just have a different way of handling things than each other, no reason for a divorce! We are not ending the marriage over a little stress, we have been through miscarriages and being homeless together, nothing was worse than that and we made it through both together... No worries of divorce any time soon! Lol. Been through 8 years of sometimes pure H*ll, this is not going to stop us that is for sure...

Yeah, some people cannot handle the smallest of things... I know I have seen people divorce over a little argument here and there, and I am like seriously?!? Some people should not get married in the first place! My husband and I are in it for the long haul. We took "Let no man separate what you have brought together" VERY seriously!

I'm happy to hear that Loving. I wasn't referring to you, specifically...just in general, communication or the lack if it will either make or break a marriage. I admire you that you and your hubby could make it through the worst of times.

That is really good. My husband shuts down and wants to keep it inside most of the time. It drives me crazy!

Honestly, I think that sometimes they just don't WANT to work on things! Look at the federal government and you'd understand!

I hate this part about my husband. He thinks he can handle it and there's no point in talking about it because that won't change anything... But sometimes it could change things if we figure something out together...he doesn't get that part! Men and women are VERY different I know. Most things I can deal with but this one thing really gets to me with him...

hi ambiepam yes the problems just get bigger and bigger until something has to give.I got so I finally would tell my husband look a problen shared is a problem halved and sometimes a wife can help too so try me and he would then open up .My dad was the worst. He would go off alone and if mom tried to help he would snap her head off. Those two were two people who should have divorced once we were grown as they just could not get along together at all.

They do seem to think it will work itself out or it will go away. And it will not happen like that. My husband is closing up because he feels like he has failed us since we are in this situation and him not working has kind of put us here. But its not his fault there is no work anywhere right now...

Extreme situations do not require extreme countermeasures but extra unique measures. I understand the struggles in life and to the extreme extent of entering into desperation. You may say that what I am saying here is easier said than done but I am sure you will agree with me that whatever you had done have not yielded results that you expect or anticipate. Rather than, sticking to your approach and still return to the same frustration, I believe it would be better to tale a step back to find another way. There are many ways to get a door to open but I believe we need to first check if we are acceptable to the person behind it and see if we should use the doorbell or door knocker. Likewise, when you approach your husband, I believe you will need to perform a checklist on ourselves to find out if we had in anyway discouraged him from approaching you with the truth to solve the current problem. I know you are a loving wife but because of the problems I believed you have become desperate and unknowingly "frightened" your husband from confiding in you. There's always a limit in one's capacity to open and I believe before one can expect people to approach and confide in us we will need to make ourselves qualified for it. Our words and ways need to be conducive enough for the other party to trust us with their intimate weaknesses. A lot of times, many of us (including me) do not know how to handle the truth, where upon learning we become werewolves or Mr. Hyde. It is during times like these I will ensure that I do my part and do it well. I feel that it would be useless for me to further burden those facing the problems and instead of tiring myself with these negative ways I would find ways to support or encourage the other party to open up. As a woman, we have a responsibility to our family, the house and most of all, ourselves. I would encourage you to take care of your own responsibilities and do it well and it would be enough to prove your faith and support to him. Truth is hard because it is extremely cruel and harsh with unimaginable consequences or repercussions. Your husband not only needs time but confidence and courage here. On your part, you will need to have a very big heart when he opens the floodgates. So, the question here is - "Are you prepared?"

I absolutely loved your story and analogy. I understand what your saying. My whole point though is if he wants to do things himself all the time, then maybe he should be by himself. Why have a partner if you don't want to go to them, rely on them, ask for help, or talk to them about BOTH of our struggles and problems?? He is NOT the only one going through this. We are ALL struggling, barely eating, etc because of it...Not just him. So I don't think he is the only one that counts in this situation...

Maybe for some, maybe I am and don't realize it. I go to him because he is my rock. I try to share my feelings with him because I love him and trust him. But maybe he sees that as annoying, burdening or b*tching... I'm not really sure. I will try to talk about it in a more positive manner so he doesn't think I am just complaining at him...

I would. I would wonder where he wants you to go if not to him. Maybe just in a different way.

LMB tell him he is not alone as lot of us are reallystruggling my son was out of work for 2 years oh he did some short term thiongs butg nmow hes still o nly got a partime job with no fringe benefits so he is one among a lot of others and that does not make him a bad husband or father with er,as i ts the damnable e conomy and I wisht our president would turn to this huge problem in our own country and forget other crap. hang in there as things a re just b ound to become better.

I know I have been telling him! Tomorrow he has another little side job to do so maybe that will life his spirits at least a tiny bit. I hope so anyway. I have also been looking and applying for jobs today too. I hope something comes of it.

I am here to listen but he doesn't want to talk to me about things either. We are stressing due to financial hardships. He has been out of work for a while now. Were struggling very badly so he feels like he is failing us. He cannot find a steady job. He has been searching a lot but no luck...

Better to talk for everything about family matter to stay in a good and healthy relationship.

Yes we need someone to listen and talk with us also. My husband cannot do that yet...Maybe one day though we shall see...

When you let him be and let him handle it I think perhaps he will feel about that. Because he will feel that you are allowing him to take care of it like he wants to-and that will make him feel more of a man. I guess this is where compromise comes in from time to time. Let them do their own thing and then if things go crazy we can try our strategy.

Yeah it makes things hard when you want to talk and they don't. If its a smaller problem he will talk about it but something big like financial things he thinks because he's the man and should be the provider he wants to handle it alone... It is really tough. But from now on I will let him be and handle it himself...That is what he wants after all.

Marriage isn't all bad mavic, just some struggles and hurdles to overcome together that's all. It is a Blessing to be married most of the time, you always have someone to count on and you always have someone to support you.

Oh yes my mind is not closed to the idea of marriage. I was just kidding.maybe I am not to meant to get married. Lol.

From now on when he is like this I will just give him his space. I will have to read that, it sounds like a good one! =)

I don't think it helps anything to keep things bottled up inside... What does that accomplish? Not much of anything in my opinion...

You don't have to brag about how lucky you are or anything!

Nyah nyah!

I think most men are the same way with handling stress, not all but most of them anyway... Yes my husband pushes me away, doesn't want to talk about things, wants to sleep all the time instead of dealing with things and all together makes me feel like he wants nothing to do with me at all... Not that I think its really the case but thats how it feels sometimes. I am sure you understand what I mean... I hope things get better for us soon. As of right now, I just cannot see things improving but I know they will eventually.

hi LMB Oh I do hope so as you have been through enough rough times so something good has to come your way. hang in there and I am sending some prayers for you and your family that this year will be the turning point and will be all so much better. hope other mylottters join me. hugs from hatley

Whatever floats your boat andy!

I am really glad I started this discussion because at first I thought it was my husband towards me. Now I am finding out its more of a guy thing. So I'm glad its nothing at me personally. And I am glad other men do it too.