They Seem To Make It Difficult...
By Jennifer
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
Valdosta, Georgia
January 2, 2013 4:22pm CST
I have heard that it is VERY difficult to adopt a child. There are a ton of requirements you have to meet and they make it tough. I don't know for sure how tough it really is but I feel like as long as the people have the love in their hearts, are in a stable home and have never had anything of abuse and such on them that they should be able to adopt. Of course they should have a background check and such done but should they have to be rich? I don't really think so, just comfortable would be sufficient. Should they have had to live in a huge house? I don't think that is needed either as long as they have space for the child...
There are tons of kids out there that need a loving home and people like you and I who would be wonderful to them we cannot adopt them because we are not rich?!? (I am NOT looking to adopt right now, I am in no financial shape to do that I am just saying they make it too hard).
Have you had any personal experience with adopting? Have you heard that its really difficult also? If you had the money would you adopt a child?
6 people like this
24 responses
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
2 Jan 13
Yes in the usa they have, after so many bad happenings there a few years back. Many adopting or even fostering were abusing kids and things. So everyone has to pay now. Its hard here in mexico to adopt just not as hard as say in the usa. In a way I think its a good idea. Kids need to be safe. Have a great day there...
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
2 Jan 13
So you think because people have money they won't abuse children?? I don't think being rich has anything to do with the children being abused or not... Abusers can be rich or poor...
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
2 Jan 13
of course not, here in mexico it doesnt matter if you have money or not. Thats not a big part of adopting here. Only means to take care of them. Here they lookm at your other kids, and family members and find out what they can about you.
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
2 Jan 13
I don't know too much about this but I really don't think you have to be rich...maybe just comfortable and completely able to provide for the child. And I don't really think the size of the house should matter that much, as long as the child has a bedroom.
I'm sure they have their reasons for being so protective, and want to make sure everything is on the up and up before handing over any kids. I can understand that and would hope they are very careful.
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
2 Jan 13
I read Hatley's response but it still seems like there is more to it than her just being a widow. I've done some research and this is not what the adoption agency's are saying. They say you can adopt, whether you are single, married, widowed, gay, whatever. But they do have their rules and regulations, so maybe there was something that stopped this adoption, but I don't feel it was because she was a widow.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
2 Jan 13
I completely understand being picky since the children have been through more than enough. I just feel like there are a lot of good people out there that are getting turned down for little things when they would make amazing parents to these kids. Then people complain about all of the kids in the foster system...Just doesn't make sense to me. If you want the kids to find homes, let good people adopt them. If you don't want them out of foster care, stop complaining that they are there...
You know what I mean??
Like with Hatley's response below-they would not allow a woman to adopt because she is a widow?!? How unfair is that?
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@dawnald (85147)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 13
I know people who adopted. They never so much talked about the requirements. I remember one saying how expensive it was. Another had at least one birth mother change her mind at the last minute. One friend kind of bypassed the whole red tape thing and long delay here in the states, and went to Romania to adopt.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (88835)
• United States
8 Jan 13
Yeah, a couple I know adopted a little black girl first. It was an open adoption. When the grandmother found out the adopted parents were white, she demanded her daughter get the baby back. Since it was still in the time frame for her to change her mind, the daughter took the baby back. It was heartbreaking for them. They had her 5 months only to have her snatched back. What's even worse? That baby was smothered when it was sleeping due to the sleeping quarters the mother left the baby in. Look what prejudice can do.
That couple did end up doing two more open adoptions, one black child, one Asian child, and they were able to keep them. Cool thing though. After being told she couldn't have children, the woman became pregnant shortly after adopting that second child.
@celticeagle (164045)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Jan 13
I have never had any experience with adopting and I know no one that has either. I know they check into alot of things. Financial, psychological, etc. That would be enough for me right there. I think they even check into the backgrounds of the references you give. You might go to some meetings of adoptive parents. I am relatively sure they have support groups.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
2 Jan 13
Yeah I know they have to go through a lot and most of it I understand because of what the kids have already been through... But some of it just seems a little extreme to me. I don't know, I'm hoping I heard wrong!
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
4 Jan 13
I don't personally have any kind of experience with adopting. However, I do have a cousin that has a lot of experience with adopting. He has adopted not just one, but two little girls in his life. His oldest daughter is eighteen years old now and a senior in high school and I remember that the process of adopting Danielle was a long process. However, with Lyndsey, his youngest daughter, the process didn't take nearly as long.
From what I've heard from him and his other children (he also has five biological sons), the thing that was the most difficult for him and his wife about adopting was the money that it took to go through the adoptions.
This, however, isn't always the case as both of his daughters were over seas adoptions. Danielle is Chinese and Lyndsey is Russian.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59304)
• Sterling, Virginia
2 Jan 13
No they don't have to be rich there are plenty of people that adopted that are rich at all. They have money of course to take care of the child and they meet the requirements. Because the government isn't just going to hand over a child a lot of people want a closed adoption so they might not ever meet the mother and some mothers pick people themselves and not all of them are rich of course.
I haven't tried adopting yet I would like to become a foster parent first and then move on to adopting because a lot of children in foster care are waiting to be adopted and might not ever before they are 18 years old. I would want to be in a better finical status before trying to do so because right not we can't even afford the two that I have right now.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jan 13
I have just always heard you have to be very wealthy to adopt. Maybe I heard wrong, of course that's possible. Lol. I understand them being strict because all the kids have gone through.
I think there would be less kids in foster care if they were a tiny bit easier on adopting children...I would love to be a foster parent but I do not think I will ever have the money to do that...
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
3 Jan 13
It depends on the sort of adoption. There are no requirements that one be wealthy to adopt within the U.S.; however, one must be able to sufficiently support a child.
For those seeking to adopt internationally, there can be obstacles regarding age limits for parents, marital status, length of marriage and other issues. Currently, there is a move to bar Americans from adopting Russian children. There are some other countries that bar such adoptions as well, I believe.
I don't know where you got the idea that people have to be wealthy to adopt a child. We are certainly not wealthy, and we plan to adopt one or more children. However, I am planning to adopt an older child(ren)--possibly even a sibling set. That is a lot different than those engaging in (expensive) private adoptions of infants.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
3 Jan 13
And there is no requirement that one be infertile to adopt.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
3 Jan 13
I don't think that it is so hard to adopt children. Although I don't know. My uncle wanted to adopt my cousin because her mother didn't want her and they abused her and everything. Instead of my cousin going into the system he wanted to adopt her and tried, but they turned him down because he had health issues he had cancer and they would not let him and his wife adopt her. Though, my grandparents were able to adopt her they just wanted to make sure that there was someone else who could take her in just in case something happens to my grandparents. So I don't know.
I've always wanted to adopt and right now my husband and I are having a hard time conceiving at all. Other options are just to expensive. It is so sad that it is hard to adopt. I've been thinking about us trying foster care but maybe in a few years. And maybe adopt through foster care. I really hope it isn't as hard as you think. It may not be and just be depending on the situation that you are in at the time. Like, what happened to my family members above. Just as long as you don't have anything on your record I think you may be okay. I would say maybe looking into options of getting assistance in helping with adoption fees. When I was doing research on adoption I saw that there are many programs that are able to help you with the adoption fees and stuff like that. Also they maybe able to help with adoption fees if you were a foster parent as well. I think it also may depend on the state you're in. When I was looking into adoption agencies here in Texas, it really didn't seem so hard. Just maybe as long as you don't have anything on your record that would raise red flags and they just want to make sure that you wouldn't be struggling to take care of a child if you were bringing another mouth into the home. They just want to make sure that you are a good fit.
Right now we can't adopt, just cause we are trying to get our finances under control. But I hope to one day to be a foster parent and adopt.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jan 13
I don't know from experience like I said, I have just heard from others who have done it or tried to do it. I have heard it is super expensive for the adoption fees and such...I heard this from multiple people.
I always wanted to do foster care also but then when I found out they can just take the kid away at any time I thought better of it. My heart cannot handle all of that. I know myself and I get attached too easily, there is no way I could deal with the children being taken away from me like that.
I don't want to adopt right now, I know we cannot afford to take care of another child. If we ever got in a better financial state then I would love to but right now that is not an option for us.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
2 Jan 13
It is very expensive to adopt a child. Randy and I have been looking into it for the past couple of years. There are so many fees and a lot of things that are looked into in order to adopt. I am not sure if one can live in a trailer or not. I know of one couple who went into debt adopting a child because they had to take out a second mortgage just to pay all the fees. I can understand the background check, but I do not see why it has to cost so much to adopt. One does not have to be rich to adopt, but be able to afford the high costs of the adoption process. If one does adopt be sure to get a lot of support from your family and friends because it is a rough process.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jan 13
See I have heard what your saying and more. Wow I cannot believe the fees are so much money!! I knew people told me its expensive and basically their right if your not rich you can't you can't adopt because of the fees! That's crazy...
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 13
My brother and his former wife adopted, but it was their grand nephew they adopted as an infant. Their niece took up with some carnie and she got pregnant. The baby was taken away for neglect and my brother and my sister-in-law adopted him. They had to pay a few thousand dollars and a lawyer did the paperwork.
Adopting from an agency is so hard with such a waiting list that they go out of the country to adopt. As we know, that can end up terrible.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Jan 13
I think it might be easier if your adopting family. I know all of the fees are outrageous with agencies!
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
28 Jan 13
I was adopted by family so it was easier for them, but if you are not family they do the background check, a psych eval, credit check, and many many classes before you can actually get to doing it. They come in with measuring tape sometimes to make sure everyone can fit in the home. Some even want the adoptive children to have their own rooms, no sharing.
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
2 Jan 13
My neighbours have adopted 2 kids, and had 2 kids of their own. Also, fostered a few kids as well. They make less than I make, and I can barely support myself. So maybe the requirements in Canada and the US are much different. I know you must make x amount a year, but not be rich. You need to be able to support the child, and not return it or toss it somewhere, like many end up doing. They do all these checks for the childs safety, and make sure they get the necesities. I mean if you are in major debt, how are you suppose to support a child.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
2 Jan 13
I said they should be comfortable but not have to be rich. I get if their in debt that they cannot afford a child, by birth or adoption...Maybe it is different or maybe I heard wrong I am not too sure...
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
3 Jan 13
I have heard stories about it being difficult. But some of these things are for the safety of the child. I would hope some of the process wouldn't be so hard or take so long.
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jan 13
Yeah I understand certain things being checked and such for the kids safety. But to make it nearly impossible to adopt is silly to me...
@heleighna (102)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
I've heard about these adoption processes that makes it really difficult to adopt a child.Though i hate that the process takes time, i need to agree that they have to make sure that the Adoptive parents should be capable not only emotionally, physically, mentally, but also, financially ready for the child's upbringing. A lot of parents want to adopt a child but that doesn't mean they can afford to actually raise that child. I think that's the sad truth.. =( I've heard that they are also on check if the wanna-be parents is single, married or just living in together. I also think this is proper, since a child really needs both Mom and Dad in his life.. Permanently. =) Though they are also putting in consideration to just wanna-be single parents? Not so sure about it really, hehe..But i heard for these cases you are only given a chance to adopt an older child if you're single. =)
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
3 Jan 13
I have had no personali experience, but I do have a personal opinion. It is sad that because of some silly political thing, Pres Putin of Russia has decided not to allow Americans to adopt Russian children. That is pathetic, because the people he's really hurting are the children! My husband has traveled to Russia, and has visited one of those orphanages, and knows just how horrible the conditions there really are.
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
3 Jan 13
Welcome to beurocracy in action...or is that inaction? It's not suprising that they'd want to be thorough with all the inept parents we've seen lately but when they find good people to foster they still make it hard. It's going to cost several hundred dollars for me to push a guardianship though the courts so I can claim custody of a girl that is presently staying with us after her mother has all but abondoned her.
@AmbiePam (88835)
• United States
8 Jan 13
An open adoption and overseas adoption is expensive. But if you adopt from foster care in the United States, it's not. That's what my sister and brother-in-law did. But the majority of people seem to want babies. Amyra, my new niece is 18 months. She was in the hospital the first six months of her life because she was premature. My sister and BIL have had her for about 8 months before finally officially adopting her in December. One of the reasons I think she was still available is because she had health problems. Now the hole in her heart has been fixed, but she is still receiving 70% of her food through a tube in her stomach. You can't tell by looking at her that anything is wrong. She doesn't have a tube sticking out or anything. But I think that would scare people off.
A lot of people assume if you get a child from foster care they are going to have behavioral problems. And some do. A couple in my church who already have two bio children, took in three kids that were siblings. One is 4, one is 3, and one is six months. They wanted to keep them all together. However, the four year old is so out of control it's starting to affect even their biological children. So as much as they don't want to do it, they are going to have to return the oldest to foster care wbile hopefully eventually adopting the other two.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
5 Jan 13
Adoption laws differ in every country but are in no way easy on applicants. I am not surprised because there will be conceivable repercussions if it is lax.
However, I firmly believe that the laws are meant to protect both the child and its adopting parents where the child will need to be a legal and adoption qualified. In this world where human trafficking is rampant, I would not want any government to be casual with adoption policy especially when the child is illegally removed from its unwilling biological parents and adopted.
There is always a possibility that natural biological parents returning to claim back their child after some time which can be very damaging for all parties. So tough laws are required where it will also hold adopting parents responsible for the child throughout. I remember reading about how adopting parents of an orphan actually relinquish their adoption responsibilities after having a child themselves. It may sound ridiculous but it was true and imagine what it did to the child.
As for me, I am not keen to adopt especially when I am able to have them together with my husband.
@vandana7 (99882)
• India
3 Jan 13
I am one of those who
a. Cannot offer a house where there is no likelihood of physical or mental abuse
b. Do not have sufficient monies to pay for hefty dowries that are prevalent out here.
These being my reasons, I didnt want to adopt. However, each and every one of my colleagues tried to push their child on me. It was quite disgusting. So I am kind of repulsed with the idea of adoption.
Frankly laws should insist that only the child who has neither of parents should be adopted. People should show some responsibility in bringing a child into the world. There are ample kids who become helpless due to physical abuse at home, or due to earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural calamities. If we adopt the child of somebody who already has a parent, who will help the really helpless?
And it is absolutely essential that when we look at the child, and watch the child's behavior for a while, we feel like adopting the child and can feel love for the child. There are plenty of people who abandon their pets after a while. Adopting a child requires a steady frame of mind. I dont blame them when they verify such details. Why should the child have to face the neglect of the adoptive parent afterwards?
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
20 Jan 13
Yeah, one requirement I think is financial stability. Of course, there are a lot of requirements and process in adopting a child for its legality. If I have given the chance of course I would adopt a child. They said that adopting a child gives luck to the couples. I knew some celebrities in our country adopting child and their career still there and they are still well known.
![](/Content/images/loading.gif)