No more Miss NIce!!!
By arystine
@arystine (1273)
Philippines
January 3, 2013 9:38am CST
I have been brought up to be polite, courteous, patient, pleasant. I always have a smile ready. I make it a point to be a person easy to get along. I have always prided myself with these characteristics. But late, this personality seems like a curse.
Lately, I feel like I am being treated like a doormat. I feel taken for granted. I feel that people kept committing the same wrongdoing or irritating things because they feel I will not angry. Because I am nice. And courteous. I feel that my patience is being taken advantage of.
It's the New year and I feel that it's time for me to make a change!! No more goody goody Miss nice girl for me!! I will lessen my smile, show my true feelings. I want people not to fear me, but at least to respect me. I want them to treat me right. If I feel taken advantage of again, I feel like I will explode.
8 responses
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
5 Jan 13
That's how I feel and now that it is a new year, I plan on making changes with that as well. I'm no longer going to let people walk all over me. I'm going to be myself and speak my mind and not be so nice any more. I think now is the time for me to burst out of my shell. I think that if I stay the way I am people are going to continue to walk all over me and I'm no longer going to get where I want to be.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
3 Jan 13
I know how big of a struggle this is as I too personally feel the same way. Specially early in my career where my 'eagerness' to please, and be polite and courteous (and patient and pleasant) didn't translate to any advancement. I was passed on for promotions because people knew that they wouldn't hear a peep from me.
I've been trying to change myself, but it's a constant struggle.
Congratulations for coming to this conclusion/resolution, and goodluck to you!
HNY!
@arystine (1273)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
Thanks for the response Bounce. Yes, it has been different ever since I came to this resolution. It became a constant reminder for me to love myself more, to be more assertive when it comes to ME. I do not deserve to be taken advantage of. Have a good day!
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
3 Jan 13
arystine
I hear your frustration
. I think many of us have felt this way at some time or other. While it's understandable, can I offer an alternatve... Rather than become like other discourteous, impolite people..'kill them with kindness' meaning be assertive not aggressive.
For example..when asked to do something you don't want to do, say something like..gosh I would love to help but I have a previous committment...etc...never let them see you irritated. Youy aren't lying..you always have some type of committment..even if only to yourself
You do have to wash your hair, read a book etc...
Assertive is stronger and in the long run you will be happier with yourself...you will kept self control and stay 'nice', but won't allow others to control you. Best wishes!!.....
. I think many of us have felt this way at some time or other. While it's understandable, can I offer an alternatve... Rather than become like other discourteous, impolite people..'kill them with kindness' meaning be assertive not aggressive.
For example..when asked to do something you don't want to do, say something like..gosh I would love to help but I have a previous committment...etc...never let them see you irritated. Youy aren't lying..you always have some type of committment..even if only to yourselfYou do have to wash your hair, read a book etc...
Assertive is stronger and in the long run you will be happier with yourself...you will kept self control and stay 'nice', but won't allow others to control you. Best wishes!!.....@arystine (1273)
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
Thank you so much for the response. You don't know how your words made me feel better. From now on, I vow to keep some commitment to myself. And not to allow others to control me. I will not care what they say. I cannot tolerate being taken for granted.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jan 13
I am the same way as you and yes I have been taken advantage of more times than I can count. Even family walks all over me and they do it because I allow it. I know this and I am also trying to change it. I am sick of people doing me wrong because they can. They don't think I will ever get angry with them or ever say something to defend myself. I have to do something about it because its not fair to me at all... I know if I want to be taken seriously I will have to change my ways and demand respect.
It stinks that we have to be this way but it's the way it is. Or we will forever be someone's doormat...
@arystine (1273)
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
I am tired of being walked on. I am tired of people assuming that everything is okay with me. Just because I am nice!! I am tired of acting as if nothing's wrong when I am seething mad. My patience is running low. :( I don't wanna be forever someone's doormat. Thanks for the response.
@csabaholcz (843)
• Hungary
3 Jan 13
Sadly, many people believes if you are always smiling and you always nice you can't be hurt. They act like with a children what very annoying when you want to tell something serious. With growing up you must put away some niceness.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
3 Jan 13
csabaholcz
IMO sometimes we trade being 'nice' to someone else for being nice to ourselves. Too many people will try to take advantage of us but only if we let them. We have choice...I say be good to yourself and be your own best friend, and you would probably agree we can do that without being nasty to others.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
3 Jan 13
It is quite an art to be able to say NO with a smile on your face. To be polite to someone but at the same time, firm and committed to your own convictions.
One way to start to not be taken advantage of, is to say to people that you will think about it. Give yourself time and then, the next day or a couple of hours later or next week, etc. without being rude, just politely give them your decision. You do not owe them an explanation. Because once you try to start to explain yourself, you just might end up being taken advantage of again.
So, say NO with a smile and do not give an explanation. If they ask for a reason, just say to them, 'That is my answer' or 'That is my decision.' And continue to smile. And then say to them 'You are just going to have to respect my decision.' And wish them a great day.
So, don't stop smiling. Just learn to say NO with politeness and conviction. And then you will gain their respect - without losing your smile. :)
@arystine (1273)
• Philippines
3 Jan 13
Thanks for the response. :) I will follow your advice, I think it is a good start to make people feel that I am changing. and for the better. I like especially your advice that I should inform people that I will first think about it. And that I should not explain once I have made up my mind. Thanks again for the advise, this is a good step so that people will stop taking advantage of my niceness.
@jricky1 (6800)
• China
4 Jan 13
Just be you and do not change yourself by some people,people take that for granted means that they are mean people and you don't need to pay attention to that,there are some nice people can be your friends and people will find their right friends.Hope you find better ways to treat that kind of persons.
@sunshinesophie (794)
• China
3 Jan 13
Hey,arystine.Be nice to the one who is polite to you.It costs nothing to be polite,but we don't need to keep a good manner to those who just want to make us their cats'paw,I do not think it is necessary to compromise with them.And they are gonna get what is coming to them.Calm down,it is not your fault.They will be sorry.
