Saying No...Does It Get Easier?
By Jennifer
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
Valdosta, Georgia
January 3, 2013 10:48pm CST
So tonight, a guy down the street from us asked if my husband could give him a ride to the store. My husband always takes him because he has health problems. Tonight he came at 11pm though and my husband has to get up early for work. He told the guy I'm sorry I just cannot do it tonight, I have to get to bed...
It was the first time my husband has ever turned down helping someone and he felt really bad about it. But I told him, look, for one we don't have gas in the van, for two its really late and for three we are nobody's personal taxi anymore...
I felt really bad too, I just didn't tell my husband that. We are so used to saying yes that it felt really wrong to say "No" for once. I wonder if saying no gets easier the more you make people stop taking advantage of your kindness...
6 people like this
17 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
4 Jan 13
yes it gets easier when you are confident that your decision was the right one.
2 people like this
@kunu111185 (211)
• India
4 Jan 13
Yes I can understand you situation because just some days ago I have come across a similar situation.Some people are straight forward and they can easily so no if they really don't want something to do/something to be done but some people can not really do that.If they say no due to some reason they have to repent for that later.One of my friend used to ask my bike and take a ride when ever he need.Like any other day once again he aked me my bike and that perticular day I said no as I had to drop my father to nearby bus stop.But the whole day I was thinking about that.Even at night when I went for sleep I could not sleep properly as the same thing was striking again and again in mind that I should have given my bike to him.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (94354)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Oh man. Your husband sounds like my dad. I remember once when I still lived with my parents, my dad for once took an Ambien to help him sleep. He hates even taking Tylenol, but he gave in and took an Ambien. He gets a call a guy needs a ride, and he goes! I mean the man took a sleeping pill! He came back an hour and a half later, eyes red, just dying to get some sleep. I told him he has to say no sometimes.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
7 Jan 13
Yup I bet my husband would have done the same thing! Lol. He is always putting himself last, and everyone else first. Sometimes he needs to really say No. I am trying to help him with it but I am not far behind him with saying yes to everyone! Lol.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
You're husband is a good man, but sometimes we just have to say "no". It's not a bad word, it's just a negative, a counterpart of "yes" Saying no means you're declining, which is not really illegal. Despite what I've said, though, I think helping other people is a really good thing to do.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Jan 13
He is a very good man. There are times though that people take advantage and these are one of those times. My husband usually always says yes.
We always help people, constantly but these people definitely take advantage of our kindness.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
4 Jan 13
That's another thing. He might be taking advantage of your kindness. He could be thinking"these people are really easy." Too much kindness is not good anymore. At least not to you guys. Moderation is the key.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Jan 13
Moderation is definitely the key and we are going to try to remember that from now on...
@toniganzon (72553)
• Philippines
6 Jan 13
Sometimes we really just have to say no. I know it's hard and even myself have difficulty in doing that, but we must know when to set limits to our own kindness.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
7 Jan 13
Yeah sometimes there is no other option but to say no. Sometimes enough is enough with being taken advantage of...
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
5 Jan 13
I use to be the personal taxi to those I worked with, just drive down the road, and pick so and so up, or drive them home. They were all immature young teenagers, who never paid anything so they didn't understand. They were the same age as me and didn't drive, so they can walk. I use to just say yes, as it irritated me and it would easier to say yes. One time I sat down and figured it out I could save over $500.00 a month on gas alone from driving them home, I refused and I got called every name in the book, but I felt ood inside, and knowing it's for me they arn't paying my bills or care about me.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jan 13
My husband was the personal taxi at every single job he has worked at too! Then people would get mad if my husband had to stop somewhere else before he could take them home...Like what? I am giving you a ride and your going to complain about where I'm going? I don't think so...
Yeah sometimes we just have to say no. We get tired of being taking advantage of. I think my husband is finally starting to realize that he cannot always help every single person in this world...Sometimes we have to help us first.
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
10 Jan 13
Sometimes it gets annoying and those people who repeatedly ask simple don't see the cost, and time you take out of it. I know all the people who expected rides never had a licence, nor drove. The one girl I use to drive, didn;t give me a penny, when I asked her since I am going almost 15 minutes one way out of my way, she told her parents I was selfish and greedy for asking for money. Yet, they expected me to drive her around for free, when I paid for my car, insurance, mileage on my car, repairs, gas, and my time. I told her to find her own way, and I didn't care what anyone thought. I wasn;'t wasting my time and money to bring someone to and from work, and pay for it while they made the same as me and didn't have to pay for that. This girl also would say bring me to the next tonw over, which was 10 minutes to opposite way, meanwhile I was going to other way.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
4 Jan 13
I have to admit one of the most difficult words in the English language has to be quite simply saying 'no' because when we say yes to someone we set up a precedence in that the person will always assume you will say yes, and because you don't want to offend or upset them you will continually say yes to appease them, before you know it you're trapped and no is just an impossibility. I am sure the guy will understand especially given the circumstance as to why your husband couldn't give him a lift. I have the same difficulty saying no, saying no is being assertive, being assertive takes training, practice but yes it does get easy, the more you say it.
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
5 Jan 13
It really doesn't. It feels so good to give but when you are on hard times yourself and it's hard to do the same things you're used to it hurts. Kind of like a little hole in your heart because you know that the other person is hurting too. At the same time though you can't help anyone if you only have the means to take care of your family. You can't help but feel bad but in the end it's survival.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jan 13
Yeah it didn't feel good to either one of us but sometimes we have to stop being taken advantage of, and that is what this guy was doing. All the time my husband gives him rides everywhere...
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
5 Jan 13
It does get easier when you say no because you don't want to keep getting taken advantage of. I'm sure he understood and is not mad by all means but you guys do have to think about yourselves as well. It is nice when you can help out though.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 Jan 13
Yeah we are so tired of everyone taking advantage of us, it is getting old now... We have always said yes but this time we just had to say no. We are always helping and everyone knows it.
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
5 Jan 13
I think sometimes people need to be turned down so they'd realize that they are already taking advantage of other people's kindness.
I think your husband had every right to say no to this guy. He's already helped him a few times, and to ask another favor at that late night is already way too much.
It'll get easier.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jan 13
I agree with you, they need to be told no sometimes so they know its not going to happen every single time...
My husband has always given him a ride but it was late and he had to get up early. The guy got mad but oh well, there is only so much a person can do...
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
4 Jan 13
Hi friend, good to hear that both of you have helping tendency, but some times we don't have the ability to help others due to our situation. But we can try our maximum to help the needy persons. It is not easy to say No to our best friend while they are seeking help from us, but if the take advantage from our kindness, we must keep distance from such kind of persons
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Jan 13
My husband and I are always helping people but sometimes they take advantage of us and that is not fair to us either.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
5 Jan 13
I understand how you feel. did the guy get mad your husband didnt take him? I hope not. Take care there. See you on sat. here...
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jan 13
Yes he is mad, he is not speaking to us right now over it because he is so used to my husband saying yes. Oh well, eventually when he needs my husband again he will talk to us...
@nykalex88 (243)
• Philippines
5 Jan 13
It depends on the situation and purpose. If the requesting party have a good purpose for asking the favor, then, why not help? But if your kindness is already abused, it's better to say no sometimes so that people will realized that they cannot help them all the time. If you always say yes, they might get dependent to you. Beware of it.
@ccmacarayan (188)
• Philippines
5 Jan 13
There is a time to say YES and a time to say NO. This way you don't get taken advantaged of by free riders. Saying no should be guilt free so long as it is in the realm of reason.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jan 13
You are correct. Sometimes we have to say NO because otherwise they will think they can keep taking from us.
@GardenGerty (161080)
• United States
4 Jan 13
Some days it is easier than others. At this point this guy is trained to believe that you will always say "yes" and now he has to learn boundaries, and you guys have to set them and keep to them. I have an older sister who is like that and can make me feel so bad, but she will call at totally inappropriate times. For a while I worked seven days a week and that did slow her down a bit.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
27 Jan 13
I said it once and I'll say it again. You both are angels. That is why it is hard for you to say no. But there are times when you need to say it .
