Your opinion - my life...

Her husband is your adviser? Oh geez...she knows all of your business then. Unless you find another adviser then I think you will just have to grin and bear this doting and well-meaning but annoying lady. Happy New Year to you too!!!

Hey blondie...I wished you Happy New Year elsewhere...but I wish you here too..:) Yes...she cares..and finding somebody who cares for you - without expecting anything in return ...is tough. And the professional advise I have taken is from her husband..lol

Actually, she does not understand. Out here, that generation of women were not that smart in managing finances, at least most of them. And her husband is the typical person..who protects his wife from such headaches.

Then, it seems that your only real choice is to keep gently changing the subject whenever such matters are brought up. Ultimately, you are the one exercising control over your finances, so her words are merely that even if they irritate as much as sandpaper against the skin.

To be fair, she and her family knew my relatives much before they came to know me. And in some way, out here, reconciliation is not for love, it is for the way money is inherited or willed. So she is ..as you put it...set in her ways ...programmed to think that if there is an unmarried girl, she has no rights to will the monies to any old age home or orphanage, but the monies should revert to relatives, notwithstanding the past. Its hard to change these archaic concepts. But when it came to me, she has sent me pickles, fruits, and eatables, which is something that my relatives never did. She helped me buy a few good sarees, when she was buying some for her kids. The heart is grateful for those seemingly small mercies which have often brought out tears from my eyes. She continues to send fruits to me, and yes, I cry coz I feel this person who is not related to me, for whom I have not done much, nor has my father, can think of me, while my ungrateful relatives forget me - everytime when they could have helped.

Happy New year!

This one seems good...really good...why I never thought of it..at times I get worked up... she is sickly lady. So I cant really be rude to her..and in the heart of heart it hurts..boiling inside kind of thing. Happy New Year Dawny..

Happy New year. :) Ah...:) But I did explain to her about those taxmen, thieves, and physically abusive relatives. Then, I also explained to her about inflation and that in 20 year's time, I may need about 10 times what I need from now - at least, the way inflation is going. So I cant afford a stagnant income like the one banks give. I also explained to her that rental incomes increase and cover up for inflation. And I also explained to her that I do not have a pension or provident fund. So this is the only source of income for me. And that without a registeration of will, relatives would just have to step in and beat me up and tear up the will. But a registered will ensures that they cant do that. Moreover, they cant even force me to write a will that will entitle them to some properties once dad specifically refuses them the rights on his self acquired properties. This sort of will would become a link document, and once a link document is formed I become safer. And that to get my signatures on any real estate conveyance documents I have to appear before the registrar and a few witnesses. To sign a check I dont need a witness. So real estate property cant be taken away from me, while I will be a sitting duck if the money is in the bank. God knows I am not that rich. However, it is my future security that is in question, and I am not getting any younger. Ladies who have never managed their funds and never been through what I have been through, including being teased for not being married, and not having kids, are not likely to understand how it hurts. And I have explained this several times...nowadays I have started avoiding her...coz I fear me. She is basically nice, and has no ill intentions towards me. It is just not registering in her mind that my relatives have been bad towards me. Her husband on the other hand has accepted it and is not objecting to it since he has seen all the documents and understood their content.

Rambansalji, there is always some difference between how men and women are looked upon when they react in firm way. If a man is firm about it, it is actually appreciated. If a woman is firm about it, she is looked at somebody who is ..you know...not very amicable...person. Then there are grapevines and magnifications of episodes. It is very difficult to shrug off the resultant image, at least in India. We are lucky...we live in the age of Internet. We can chat and write mails and communicate and express ourselves without becoming outcasts. Still, I wouldnt hurt the lady. May be she says so because of her concern for me. She possibly feels who will be there for me. For better or worse, it is only relatives. If they wont get anything they too wont look after me.

Bro..Happy New Year. :) Actually I took the help of her husband to get dad to see my plight. Dad does not listen you know...as you mentioned "senile"..lol But he has always been "senile"..lol Anyway...this lady is very kind. Whenever there are mangoes in her home, I get one. Guavas, and even coconuts. Sometimes pickles...and you know how much I love pickles..and in Zambia, she was the one who told my aunt that there were some nice China Silk sarees that had come into market and that they should buy a couple for me. In contrast, my relatives NEVER DID ANYTHING SO SWEET. Now she is old yes. And given to old fashioned thinking may be, or may be senile. May be my reasoning with her does not register in her brain as is very common at this stage of most people's life. I cant possibly ignore her bro. Somebody who is nice to you, and is nice without any ulterior motive is so so rare to find!!! Just caught up with old fashioned ideas I guess. The movies with happy endings. :) Its just a bit complicated because I am not sure how long my patience will last. I have had enough with relatives and some "family" friends.

I wish it was just over the telephone..:) It includes personal visits. I am now afraid of visiting her, and I cant possibly give others the reason why I dont want to visit her. :) She is not keeping very well. Hanging up would be rude..but tell me, why is it that people dont like to take no for a no? Is it so difficult when it does not concern us?

I wish I knew how to make people accept No for No. I have a couple friends who don't seem to understand the meaning of the word.

I agree...she is not "abusive", and her memory is indeed not serving her very well. I am just trying to find ways and means to avoid some unpleasantness. Changing the topic is one way...and I liked your suggestion as well..excusing myself for a brief moment and walking away...indeed those would really help. She is an angel otherwise.

Aw sweetie..:) I wish life was as cut and dry as you suggest. I actually took help from her husband to make my father see sense and write will to protect me from my unscrupulous relatives..lol I showed the relevant documents to her husband and not to her. I doubt if she would have understood the contents anyway. She is the conventional Indian lady whose husband manages every bit of her finances. However, I did explain to her that registering any real estate property involves going to registrar's office in person and affixing my thumb impression there, and the registrar asks in front of a few others whether the document is executed with my free will and I am not being coerced. Unlike this, check does not have such safeguards. I also explained to her that since I dont have any pension or PF, the rental income is my way of managing inflation. I am not very rich. But I am content. However, if I have to fight tooth and nail for my survival at this late stage of my life, it will be a sad ending after 25 years of struggle to earn and establish me. I wish she would think from my perspective also...

Ice cream? Did someone say ice cream. Count me in specially since I don't have to pay! You first involved her husband and not her? How could you do that vandana. You will have to pay a heavy price for that. And you did not take her permission before doing that, I bet! Jokes apart you can easily handle her by just saying that you will think about it and change the subject tactfully each time she approaches. Tire her vandana and she will on her own move away from the subject. I agree with Micmac!

@Micmac - There you are!!! I never thought of that!

You said it...people who are friendly are very hard to reject...and it hurts when you feel they are not on your side, but you know that is because of age, and inability to remember and understand the situation rather than with an ulterior motive. It is quite a conflicting situation. You know they didnt mean it. And yet you know you are hurting.

Trust me I talked at least 5 to 7 times...but there can be a time when I will snap, and I am afraid of that me. Lets just say, my past record has not been very good when constantly being subjected to such irritation.

Honestly, I dont call her much. But she always remembers me and sends things for me. Always tries to treat me at par with her daughters. Yes, I tried to change the topic today and spoke about my hair and all that. :) Let me continue that way. Hope she will realize that it is futile talking about issues that are over and done with.