Its taken me a while to think so much about dowry..

We the women in India are in catch 22 situation. The population size has increased the cost of living (which even today is lower than in Western countries). Consequently, it is necessary for women to join the work force. What is happening is women are more studious and basically inclined to be more sincere with their education. Therefore, they get jobs far more easily, especially those of nurses, call center executives, teachers, etc. This has created immense amount of resentment in the hearts of men who have not bothered to study and learn English and math. They find themselves unemployed at the right age, and like the young recruits in terrorists groups in Pakistan, these guys join political bigwigs as field workers. Obviously their resentment surfaces somewhere, and the political bigwig tries to cover it all up as otherwise, some other secrets may be out in open. At the other end, increasing dowries have scared people so much that they dont want a girl child. Not only do people have to educate the child, but also find her a groom who is equally if not higher educated than her so that there is no arrogance on the part of the girl. This increases the dowry amount as doctors and engineers who earn well, and have some monies behind them demand more dowry..not directly, through their parents. lol. Education is a must because we never know when fate would make the girl helpless. Working too is a must. However, public molestations, kidnapping for trafficking and gang rapes have become so common out here, that people are opting to drop female foetuses. You mentioned killing of bride...we have cruelest ways of doing that. Any girl who thwarts the advances of the guys gets punished with acid throwing and sodomy and gang rape. How do we come out of this? I dont see any hope at least for another century and a half as people are not letting education penetrate in villages.

I agree that its a cultural thing that exists in India and Pakistan and some other parts of the middle East. That doesn't make it right. I think the time may be coming where women may be considered a persecuted minority from those countries and be able to escape the violence. Like China, post 1 child rules, marriageable women in these countries may start becoming in short supply. That, actually, would be a good thing, since then they will become more highly prized.

In China there is some law, and some law enforcement. In India, there is no such thing. The gang rapists in the present case are from regions where the ratio of girls to boys is 8 for every 10. You would think that would make them more venerable. But no. Boys and their family members do not want to part with monies to get a bride. They also do not want to compromise on dowry that the boy would normally fetch. In this scenario, when they do not get a bride, they are sexually frustrating, and resorting to stag parties in which they drink and then start molesting or harassing girls. Quite often, the political leaders are involved.

I agree to the last bit. However, out here, ancestral properties, i.e., properties belonging to ancestors devolve upon children and from them to grandchildren and so on. That is how things go.. speakeasy...there is one more issue here. In the western world, there is a social security system. What happens is the government monitors that. In the absence of it, people invest in properties called land, homes, gold, lot of land, etc. The idea is to earn some regular income, and periodically liquidate as per the needs. Inflation rate being high (dont trust those single digit numbers that are shown to you on paper, even by the RBI - actual inflation during the past 5 years has almost been closer to 15 percent compounded with upward bias, while they are saying it is averaging near 9 percent). There is a grain of truth though..inflation in food items has been terrifically high, while that in soaps, paints, crockery, cutlerly, and such products has been low. But we need to spend more on food, right? So an average person feels a greater impact of the inflation, while those people in whose budget the expense on food is less than half do not feel the impact of inflation as badly. We have no social security ...so the focus on real estate and gold is more. Demand being more, and supply being less, obviously prices increase. Then come the tax issues. Taxman would question from where you got that much money to buy real estate? So to send the taxman away the document shows less than the actual value even though the actual value is paid. Effectively black is created. I am presuming that tax personnel who comes to check the house is honest. If not, some bribe goes his way also, and they take more bribe. It is often better to pay the tax than to bribe these guys. Anyway returning to the topic, self acquired property may be willed to anybody. But if that is done, the parent may be left on the streets with nobody who will look after him or them. There are no state sponsored old age homes where all the required facilities are there. In any event, parents would like to socialize instead of being cordoned off into some old age home in some remote village where their own children do not visit them. There is a sense of loneliness and what shall I say, feeling of dispensability which prompts them to continue living with kids. They are too old to make new friends in most cases. Children tend to think ...we didnt ask parents to bring us into the world so we are not obliged to look after them. In any event, we are having it tough making two ends meet, how can we spare and so on. Fair enough. The going is tough. So if they look after their parents, they want to be rewarded for it. After all, parents would have paid charges in the old age home, wouldnt they? That is how it comes about...

Out here it is the male children that are given the responsibility of the parents, which I think is not a well thought out solution because mother and father are more likely to feel closer to the daughter to fetch water or get themselves cleaned in case of any fracture or other things, than with daughter in law. But that is how it is in the religion, and once it is sanctified by religion, even god cant alter that. As to pension..quite a few people do not have pension. People with pension are better off - slightly. They are kept alive because of that pension at the end of every month. Otherwise, they too would have been ill treated. Those who do not get pension try to invest in homes so that get regular income in form of rentals which increase at regular interval so that inflation is covered. It is this property that kids eye and want. Of course the really rich have it different way. They give mansions and cars and kilos of gold and shares...and even art work and antiques as dowry. lol

On the last bit, I don't know but in my country, it is considered quite shameful if somebody doesn't take take of their elderly (especially their parents)without very good reason. usually it is the youngest child or the youngest female child you takes upon shirtsleeves to make sure that the parents are comfortable. they are even instances when they are included in the household. Like my grandfather,he lives with me in my mother's house and he has his pension. that pension is collected by his other daughter who spends it for his likes(food, medicine, the works) and he keeps the rest for his discretion. Perish, we feel it more like a duty rather but I cannot rule out that kind of scenario.

Dowry was never the Indian culture or tradition. It is a custom we imported from the middle east, when Mumbai was given as gift to the British Crown. Traditionally, in Hindus, it is swayamvar...meaning the girl selects the bridegroom based on the qualities she wants in her husband. Amongst the muslims here, there was the Mehr, which is something that their religion requires them to give to indicate that he can maintain the bride. I am actually not fine with anything being paid by the girl's parents. This is humiliating. The girl goes to her in-laws place, works, cooks, does everything including bringing the children into world, and looking after aged people. Each of the woman's services, if valued in monetary terms are huge. If the girl is being married, that itself is a huge huge huge gift from the girl's parents to the boy's parents. How can they then ask for monies, lands, homes, gadgets, vehicles, jewelry, clothes, etc.? What more, the asking process continues for quite a few years.

Yes...somehow the son bias is there..parents want to give to the son, but deny the daughters, and sons in law too look at the girls as money fetching person. Neither wanted here, nor wanted there, even if she earns she risks gang rape...where to from here for the Indian woman?