Mixed Emotions
By Carolyn63
@Carolyn63 (1403)
United States
January 9, 2013 10:05am CST
Yes, I know it's normal to go through a range of emotions after the loss of someone. But because the person I knew and the person his friends knew are two different people I'm really confused, which was the true person?
The person I knew was not there for his sons ball games. He wasn't there for his daughters recitals or pageants. He stayed late at work each night gambling and drinking. He trusted no one. He was so prejudiced! He always said hurtful things about his family to his friends. And as soon as his customers and friends backs were turned he would go on and on about what was wrong with their lives and how he felt it should be handled.
Yes, he was a hard worker. Yes, he did some really great things to help others. Yes, if you were in a bind you could count on him.
He wasn't affectionate with his family. He cheated goodness knows how many times on his wife. And some of the things he said, I worked directly in front of him and heard too much, would literally make me vomit due to anger.
His friends however go on and on about what a great guy he was. And quite honestly, he definately was one whom cared about appearances so that isn't all that surprising. But one of his dearest friends, whom became one of mine, could not believe the crud he heard and saw directed at me and other family members when present.
Okay, so I did care about the man. He's family. He could make me laugh just as he could make me angry. He was stubborn and opinionated. Can't say anything bad about that as I am stubborn and opinionated. However, most say with me it is more tenacity in that I don't give up and I'm not one to expect others to be carbon copies of myself. Also, I'm not a hate monger.
Part of me wants to go to the mausoleum and scream at him. Does this make sense?
When he had been sick in the past, I, like the rest of the family was there. They teased me once after kissing him on the cheek and telling him he would be okay. They said, "see, it didn't kill you." I laughed. So it's not like I didn't care. I knew I couldn't change him and didn't even try.
I could go on and on. But I just don't know how to sort this out in a manner where I can get resolution.
1 response
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
9 Jan 13
I know it's weird when the same people are seen in different lights, and it's hgard to understand that people can admire people that I think are irresponsible jerks... just look at the trashy celebrities, there are always gonna be people who see them as the coolest role models ever. And I know it's the hardest when you actually knew the person and suffered from it.
I would say, you both knew the true person (or neither of you, if we see it from a different angle). It's just there are some people he cared more about, to them he was nice and great, and some people who weren't that important for him. And unfortunately, in this case, it was his son...
@Carolyn63 (1403)
• United States
11 Jan 13
That is the hardest part for me, that it was his son and daughters that lost out. Mind you, they don't know all the cruel things. I do because I worked right outside his office and heard everything. Not intentionally. I would go clear across the building to get away from it as much as possible.
His true friends got to see some of both sides. The judgemental person, and the person that helped those in need.
The customers didn't have a clue. Good thing or we wouldn't have customers.
To me it isn't about impressing others. What I wear, what I look like,etc. It's about whom you are.
It's just difficult. I'm working on it.
Thank you.
