Agree to disagree???
@allknowing (135966)
India
January 14, 2013 10:26pm CST
Its fine to agree to disagree when one has nothing to do with each other on a daily basis. It is a fashion these days, in order to diffuse situations, people look for short cuts and agree to disagree and there ends the matter.What if they are in the same house? How effective will this strategy be. Can you imagine a husband and wife agreeing to disagree and continue to live under the same roof. Won't there be fireworks on a daily basis? Have you attempted to agree to disagree and then face the consequences? Do share.
3 people like this
13 responses
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
15 Jan 13
I think in even a marriage it is necessary to agree to disagree. Because like you said that can just stop the matter. Often times people are in a hurry or rush to change someone else.That is what causes a lot of problems. When this is the case it is best that we just move forward and strive to be respectful of the differences.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
You have made a good point here. Trying to change each other is the worst scenario in a marriage and there agreeing to disagree could be the best choice as, it will stop the process of continually trampling on another's feet, creating an unpleasant atmosphere!
1 person likes this
@edvc77 (2140)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
It is really hard to live in one roof with some people who are looking for trouble, disagree with you always, or bullying you. There would be really no harmony and peace. If I have this kind of situation, I would like to leave the place. If in case, he is my partner I should settle it with him. THis is not healthy for someone to have such kind of situation.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
Disagreeing is not just to bully anyone. There are decision to be taken and when a couple has two different thoughts then it is said that it is better to agree to disagree than take rash decisions. If the wife wants a holiday with the money they have saved but the busband wants to buy a bike instead, each of them will try to convince the other why they are right and when both fail to do that then agreeing to disagree becomes the only option left as giving in just for peace may result in taking a wrong decision. So the money gets saved and no holiday and no bike!And they live happily ever after
@vandana7 (100225)
• India
15 Jan 13
As adults we do get our egos entangled which leads to differences in thoughts. I have had several issues in which I offer suggestions, which are invariably not followed, and the outcome is as I foresaw - unpleasant of course. But then, it is very difficult to convince people like my father. They dont listen. They always want it their way, always...they are not open to reason, they snap...its like...he asks about my house....we need to spend on this repair...I say ok..why dont we do this...he says no we will do this...but I say this is better...no ...its is not...and that is it...lol. So why did he ask in the first place. And even bother to listen to my suggestions in respect of my house. lol.
I tend to agree to disagree unless it is likely to cause serious harm physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially..to me or to my peace.
@vandana7 (100225)
• India
16 Jan 13
I try my level best arguing it out with him. He is very very difficult to talk to. If not, I often do the thing that needs to be done, and then inform him. Or I approach somebody else who could talk sense into him. But I dont give up when the harm is likely to be of serious nature. As I see it..there are things my father does not understand..so I got to correct them in time.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
And when agreeing to disagree causes serious harm as you have put it what do you do? May be give your father time? As you know vandana time is a soothing balm in many a situation. And with time sometimes the plan itself is aborted or the one who agrees to disagree gets a second chance? Just a thought.
@IntrovertShy (2780)
• Marikina, Philippines
16 Jan 13
Even though I am single. I have experienced of agreeing to someone, but the only consequence that I encountered is I am the one who suffered. If we have partner and I agree to disagree so that both of us don't fight each other, well, the result is I am not happy with it and I am the one who suffered. It is just because I see something not good to my partner, but for him is good and would not even listen to me.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
Agreeing to disagree can have ramifications depending on the seriousness of the situation. Petty issues could be shelved and never brought back but issues that dictate our survival do need to be sorted out intelligently and not by whose idea it is.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
I don't think that would actually keep peace in any household unless both respect each other's disagreeing statements. Does that make even sense? But seriously, some couples do stick around and hang on to their marriage coz they know that no matter how perfect they would want their relationship be, there would always be times when they do not have the same views on a certain issue. Arguments are anticipated coz we know that our spouse would somehow disagree with how we see it but then we continue to live the day...still together.
But seriously, some couples do stick around and hang on to their marriage coz they know that no matter how perfect they would want their relationship be, there would always be times when they do not have the same views on a certain issue. Arguments are anticipated coz we know that our spouse would somehow disagree with how we see it but then we continue to live the day...still together.@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
There was perfection at my friend's place. Everyone admired them and so they were questioned. "She does what she wants to do and I do what she wants to do" Indeed perfect!That is the best to buy peace but such men are rare to find these days. In fact I don't think there are any as this was my friend's fantasy!
"respect each other's disagreeing statements."?? Now let me think. Too complicated to understand really. So your husband disagrees and you respect his disagreement. You disagree and your husband respects your disagreement. Mathematically two negatives make it positive. Going by this theory you are a perfect couple!ofcourse arguments re anticiptated
Where there are no arguments there is no marriage at all. So get going jenny. Disagree with each other respect each other, argue with each other for a perfect marriage
"respect each other's disagreeing statements."?? Now let me think. Too complicated to understand really. So your husband disagrees and you respect his disagreement. You disagree and your husband respects your disagreement. Mathematically two negatives make it positive. Going by this theory you are a perfect couple!ofcourse arguments re anticiptated
Where there are no arguments there is no marriage at all. So get going jenny. Disagree with each other respect each other, argue with each other for a perfect marriage@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
Hahaha! I'll try to agree to disagree more if that would mean perfection. But I sure hope we won't be strangling each other's throat in the long run!
1 person likes this
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
15 Jan 13
In my experience, coming to a basis of 'forget it' and no longer bringing up the issue, coming to a "agree to disagree" stance can bring peace. At least for awhile.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
Yes atleast for a while it does bring peace but that space sometimes gives both the parties an opportunity to come with fresh thoughts. After all is it not better that both parties get the satisfaction of implementing their ideas so that both are satisfied? More often than not,however, the stronger of the two put their foot down. Sad but true!
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Yep you're right.
Its disappointing to know some will take that opportunity even after a period of peace.
@GardenGerty (160612)
• United States
15 Jan 13
I am going to guess that if it was something to do with your core values you would never have married in the first place. On the other hand, there are things that when you put them in perspective are actually humorous. I guess I am thinking of myself and my husband. We both cook, we both will wash dishes and put them away. I have certain storage containers in a certain place, for my own reasons. I came in one day and he had moved them to a totally different place. I did not like it, but I gave it a week or so to grow on me. It did not grow on me, I wanted them back where I want them and use them. So, when I put dishes away, they go to my area. When he puts dishes away, they go to his area. Neither of us are mad, it is rather funny actually. It is hard on my son, on occasion, if he wants those containers and he does not know where to look. We all stay good natured about it though. I think we laugh because we love each other, but we still stubbornly do things the way we want to.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
Now what shall I term this scenario! "Take the donkey stand" and be ready to bear the consequences? You tried your best but it did not grow on you. You stuck put with your way and he stuck put with his. So I can safely say you both took the donkey stand. These kind of situations are common in many a marriage. This is far from agreeing to disagree as in that scenario one wins and the other loses but buying peace is more important and so one gives in but it has its toll in that there is a kind of grudgingly agreeing to it.
But love conquers all
"Take the donkey stand" and be ready to bear the consequences? You tried your best but it did not grow on you. You stuck put with your way and he stuck put with his. So I can safely say you both took the donkey stand. These kind of situations are common in many a marriage. This is far from agreeing to disagree as in that scenario one wins and the other loses but buying peace is more important and so one gives in but it has its toll in that there is a kind of grudgingly agreeing to it.
But love conquers all
@fantasticbabe (981)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
of course this happen sometimes but not everyday. the conflict arises when you like the person to know your feeling and especially the discontentment so he could make a change. the trouble also make the couple realize that they need to talk a lot and out of argument a better settlement is attain and this are for the purpose of making their life easy and not miserable.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
When one agrees to disagree the matter is kept aside specially by those who care for each other allowing time for better sense to prevail. And this alone sorts out matters sometimes. Sometimes that idea is dropped for the sake of peace and sometimes the stronger of the two moves ahead with the plan while the other gives in for the sake of peace.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
That shows that the two of you have always agreed. You indeed are lucky. Agreeing to disagree happens when one is in a situation where the decision is kept pending and either party agrees to disagree.The situation may be kept pending for all times or taken up later for may be a further debate. This is very common in households. You might like to read what others have said here.
@Happielady85 (384)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Agreeing to disagree sounds like a game to me. I think we have to be realistic. Either you agree with someone or you disagree. There should be a definite belief. The only time I might keep my mouth shut if I disagree is when I don't want a terrible argument and if I feel we are not getting anywhere. I think if you disagree with someone, you should tell them why. Sometimes each party might be able to see why there is a disagreement. If you feel the argument can cause a loss of a dear friend, then quit the argument and go onto some other topic.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
Some times it is not just black or white but it could be grey as well and in such situations agreeing to disagree is the only way matters could be held in abeyance and attended to later when better sense prevails with both. Most of the time in such situations a decision is not arrived at all or the issue is stalled indefinitely. Time does help in such cases when a fresh attempt is made and one sees things differently.
What you have said sounds reasonable - quit the argument and go on to some other topic. I am glad you have clearly understood the issue. Only when matters are serious and a decision is imminent then may be a third party could help see situations in the right perspective but this party should be sincere having no bias.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
16 Jan 13
What consequences? Why would there be fire works if a married couple agrees to disagree? I haven't 'attempted' to agree to disagree with my husband, I actually have agreed to disagreed. Agreeing to disagree means that you both agree that you are not going to change the other person's mind but it also means you are not going to argue about it. A married couple can live in harmony even if they don't see eye to eye with each other.
For example, my husband and I don't always agree on politics but we agree that we are not going to argue about it. What are the consequences? Politics is what it is anyways. But my husband and I live in harmony.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
There are issues where agreeing to disagree could have dire consequences which as you rightly said means not taking a decision for the sake of maintaining harmony but a decision is required for one's survival. What happens then?
@gopalisat (75)
• India
15 Jan 13
I think both of you view will differ and one has to live with it
This is the solution to avoid many fights i feel.
Disagreement is common and don't be afraid to speak up your mind
@allknowing (135966)
• India
15 Jan 13
Do you have such situations in your life gopalisat? And if so how would you handle them? Are you the one who lives with it in your life. Most often the plans are dropped for the sake of peace and sometimes as you say one is allowed to go ahead with the plan while the other suffers in silence. The moral of the story is never to bring forward ideas which can lead to disagreement, as far as possible, specially when there is love between the two!
@teotimoponcerosacena (1552)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
It is very hard, but if you have trained yourself of the previous experiences you encountered it can help a lot. To be a husband and wife is not only being one but on what they have done while they are together. If they have children then focus on the welfare of the children and if they don't have, think of the families from both side who was on better relation to both of them. In relation what is important is respect, irregardless if you still love each other or not as long as respect remain then life will go on. To agree or dis agree will no longer be a choice. It becomes and obligation if you want peace on a given situation.
@allknowing (135966)
• India
16 Jan 13
Where both husband and wife are treated as equal such situations arise. Why not any way? When both have good reasons to stick to their conviction stalling the issue for another time rather than rushing into by simply giving in would be advisable. Stalling does have advantages in that one is able to look at things calmly and the decision thus taken could be the right one as opposed to deciding after one simply gives in. Peace is no doubt important but taking a wrong decision just for peace could sometimes prove very expensive and disastrous. What say?
