Feeling Better

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I finally got some alone time last week. I was able to rant and rave, release the anger and frustration at my father in law whom passed a few weeks ago. I feel much better. See, I cared about him but he drove me up the wall, back down, around the back and over the top. I'm not exagerating. For years I worked with my husband, for his father. My desk was right in front of his office. The things he did and said often made me quite literally sick. A few times I would go home, just saying I was sick, which they'd just heard me do. My husband knew I wasn't sick in the sense that I had a virus or anything. He knew his dad had done something. And there are some things I will take to the grave with me rather than hurt my husband or his sisters by telling them. My husband knows I didn't get to see the good side of his father. He got to see some of the kindnesses, but not most. And for the most part, the kindnesses weren't done simply because they were the right thing to do. Most of the time it was done in order to look good in front of his peers. He simply wasn't there for his family. I'm not angry any more. I'm sad actually. It shows his insecurity and insincerity. He will never know if he would have been loved for being himself. Yes, many, many people thought highly of him. He was able to fool many people. He did do some good things. But behind it he judged, manipulated and used everyone. Even those whom thought highly of him. That was his burden to bare. I release my hurt and anger. All I can do is learn from his mistakes. You have an option, like me or don't. But you will always know I was the same person no matter whom you are.