Do they think I'm stupid?

I don't know what the deal is with your relationship with your children, but there are obviously issues. Your one daughter isn't speaking to you, and your son doesn't seem to trust you alone with his child. You know how you raised your children. You also know what bad habits you have now. Take a serious look at yourself and ask what it is that has created these situations. I wouldn't leave my children alone with my own mother for numerous reasons. I know how she raised me, and I wouldn't risk her pulling the same rubbish with any child of mine.

Do they have trust issues? Would they rather leave the kid with other people? I cannot understand why they do not want you to babysit your own grandson. What are they thinking? I think you should let them know what you think and feel. Maybe they do not know that you are okay about babysitting the kid. You should just express to them your willingness to do the job. Chances are, they don't know.

I don't know the relationship between your daughter in law, I just think they might not think you are stupid, but just posted the pictures on Facebook unconsciously. They just wanted to share the pictures, but forgot they should hide the pictures from you. For babysitting, I have some female friends who actually prefer their own mothers to babysit the babies. Most of the reasons are the mothers' ways of taking care are more acceptable, also they think they can communicate with their mothers better and easier as compared to the mothers-in-law. I am not sure if your daughter in law thinks this too, or maybe they just don't know you can help to babysit your grandson. Perhaps you can tell your son or daughter-in-law that you are happily taking care of the baby, and let them know you are always there to help them out, especially when they need to go out. Could it be the mother-in-law offered help to babysit the baby, but you didn't say so, then your son and daughter-in-law asked the mother-in-law to take care of the baby, instead of asking you to do so?

I would maybe approach your son and discuss this with him. For all you know, it's nothing like you imagine, but you'd only clear this up by having a private conversation. Is there any reason you can think of that would go along with them actually 'not wanting you to babysit'? Any time when maybe something you would choose to do goes against the way they choose to parent, or a safety issue, or anything? I have to ask because I know how I feel as a parent. My extended family lives in another state, so they are just not available anyway. I never imagined that would be the case long ago before I had kids but it is what it is. My way of coping was of course to just take my daughter with us everywhere when she was an infant, and to some degree our older kids when necessary. I did after some time develop a good support network of close friends, and so we were able to swap babies and kids in order to have some couple time, etc. My MIL stayed with us for awhile and for reasons I won't go into, I did not really WANT her to watch the kids and definitely not take care of our baby. I did explain my reasons to her though, whether she liked them or agreed with them or not, it really is nobody's place to complain, I feel that other people, family, friends, etc should respect the decisions parents make in deciding who is allowed to have free access or care for their children and other family members. I even have some friends that I might let my daughter stay with for a few hours or play with regularly but they wouldn't be people I would choose to have her stay with overnight. It's all very individual and I think up to the parents entirely. People get way too offended over things when it's not even their decision or choice to make. One other thing - if you've never discussed this with your son (without getting jealous or angry), perhaps they are concerned they would bother or burden you. Even if my family lived closer, I would probably not ask them to take care of our daughter randomly - unless they expressed a desire or it was a pinch - some emergency happened and my normal go-to person was unable to help. I don't consider it right to burden or overburden my family, some people think nothing of always dropping off their kids at their parents or grandparents or siblings or whatever 'just because'. I would definitely offer to help out my siblings but again, I wouldn't expect them to take care of my daughter unless they WANTED to.

This seems a very bad behavior of your son. I am sure they know, you know that there someone else doing the baby sitting. But somehow they don't want to open their mouth or clarify with the things, because they fear that they have to give more excuses. Or even may be they don't want you to know. I suggest you once you go to him, tell him directly that would he mind if you babysit. I think someone needs to start, if you go ahead he might be a bit ashamed of it. And i am very sure he knows, because everyone sees the pictures on facebook. They don't think you are stupid, but they think that if you are not affected why should they be concern. You should show them that you are affected.

I doubt they do it on purpose or to hurt you. I also don't think they think you are stupid. If they had something to hide they would surely not put the pictures on fb. I do think you feel neglected. If you like to babysit you should offer it to them and see what they say. I think your children do have contact with eachother and like you said in an earlier discussion: you have health issues, you don't leave your house easily, just in cases of need. Be honest, would you ask someone who is never visiting you, with health problems to babysit? I think you should go out, visit them, offer them to babysit once in a while and show them your are not only willing to but also able to. This all besides of the fact the other mom has "rights" to if it comes to babysitting. It's not just your grandchild.

Perhaps you are trying too hard? Have you had problems with your son in the past? Why would they write to you from their home 10 minutes away? Did you forget that your son will be the one who picks out your nursing home? Get your act together, and do what is necessary to bring your family back into the fold before its too late!

I don't understand why your own son won't allow you to spend time with your new grandchild? You say that you are capable of babysitting, then you must be healthy. But why are they doing this to you? I'd be really hurt if I was in that situation. Why not call up your son and tell him about it?

I don't think they did it on purpose. Since you never said you can offer them babysitting and your health is in bad situation. Surly they will thought you can't do the work well. If they urgent you do what you can't do,Its dutiful! Just share what you think with them, you don't open you mouth, they don't know what you are thinking a bout. I live with my mother-in-low. I'm a very independent person,like to do things by myself, even its may harder than asking for help from others. But already be a habit. Every time I found some small thing hardly, my mother in low would felt that I didn't like her. If not, why don't I ask her? But in my side, I just thing its my duty to do this, and I don't want to bother a old lady for my fairs. Communication is really important.

I don't think it's bad behavior on your son's part, necessarily. Maybe they just want to include your DIL's mother in the babysitting aspect of things. I have the same situation going on with my mom and my FIL. So I know where you're coming from but I also know where the other side is coming from.