When to hold on, when to let go and when to kick that jerk's a$$!
By Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
Philippines
February 1, 2013 12:42am CST
These are some thoughts that came to mind after I responded in another discussions.
There are many people who are puzzled by their love lives, so I think it might help a little to post some brief and simple reminders.
When to hold on..
- you and that person truly love/respect/treasure each other
(good luck determining that)
When to let go..
- when the person you love is in love with someone else and is not happy with you (ouch!)
When to kick that jerk's a$$
- when your partner is off cheating, apologizes and does it again anyway, disrespects you, abuse you, use you, lies to you and all other vile things a partner could possibly do (seriously, if a person does this to you, don't hesitate, LEAVE this person immediately)
Please, if you have anything to add, feel free and do so. I think this post lacks a lot of information, but these are simply basic. Though I find that a lot of people still have a problem whether to kick that someone out or not.
Thanks! 
3 people like this
8 responses
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
1 Feb 13
LOL... Well, kick his butt if he even raises a hand to you, that is if you think you can win. Other than that, run and/or call the police. This would fall under abuse.
Let go if you are looking for more. You won't find it in this person. Hold on after you've given it a lot of thought... Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this person? If you could, then this is probably a good relationship, as long as they feel the same way.
3 people like this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
Thank you jal! Those are very good additions!
i notice that these reminders are very simple, but many people find it hard to follow these and end up complicating things further.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
1 Feb 13
The thing that gets me going is when someone tells another that they don't love them anymore and the other fights to keep the person. WHY?! Why would someone want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them? People like that need to rethink their situation and get some self confidence so they can walk away with their heads held up high. There's someone for everyone who wants a healthy relationship. They just need to go about life and when the time comes, the right person will show up. In the meantime, enjoy life and have fun with it then they can take the fun with them into the relationship
2 people like this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
First is to confirm if that person doesn't love you anymore. There might a reason why a person is trying to make you think he or she does not love you.
But I don't think they should give up easily if they love the person very much. They should do it while preserving their self-respect.
People will act stupid sometimes because of love. Even they hate themselves for the silly things they have done because of love.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
2 Feb 13
Of course you'd have the confirmation but actions speak louder than words. I've been around the block a few times when it comes to loving someone who's to be your significant other which is how I've come to my conclusion of how to be with someone I'm supposedly with. If they love each other then yes, they need to fight to save their relationship but if one doesn't then why bother? I'm one to tell you that I've done a lot of stupid things in the name of love that I wish I hadn't and that's how I learned
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
4 Feb 13
As long as we learn from our mistakes, there's no harm in it. We have to accept that we have made such mistakes and get over them and try to better ourselves. I, too, was stupid for love back then. I didn't see how possessive my boyfriend was, I just allowed him to do whatever he wanted.
@dpk262006 (58677)
• Delhi, India
1 Feb 13
HI Aja!
I hope that your useful tips will help those lovers who have either lost their love or going to lose it soon or have decided to part with their lovers.
Although, it is not an easy task to ascertain whether one's lover truly loves him/her or is it fake.
Again happiness is subjective, you just can not let go a person because s/he said that s/he is not happy with you.
I agree with your third tip if someone is repeatedly cheating and apologizing, s/he is not reliable and should be kicked out.
Although, it is not an easy task to ascertain whether one's lover truly loves him/her or is it fake.
Again happiness is subjective, you just can not let go a person because s/he said that s/he is not happy with you.
I agree with your third tip if someone is repeatedly cheating and apologizing, s/he is not reliable and should be kicked out.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
True, happiness is subjective. But can anyone truly be happy if he or she stays with a person who doesn't want him or her anymore? I say no. So this is why this person should let go and move on.
I wonder why other's ruin themselves for being dumped. It's disgraceful, don't they have any pride?
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
Karma. It's all about Karma. We learn through relationships and we need to let go when the lesson is over.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
Karma takes long sometimes, it's annoying. Yes, we should learn to let go and not suffer in an unhealthy relationship. Some people just get too attached or clingy and this is hard for them.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
1 Feb 13
I think that it is easy to break off a relationship if both persons are single. Meaning, they will be only thinking of themselves. But if there were children caught in between, well, their decision might be not the same as you said. But then again, that also depends on other factors like if the man is the main provider for that family, and the wife is just a stay at home mom, and so the wife would sometimes sacrifice her own happiness for the kids' future needs.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
That is why being a housewife can put a woman at such a disadvantage. It might be best to find her own job so that she wouldn't need to rely on her husband for a living. It puts the husband at so much power and authority, if you ask me. And this husband can easily do what he wants just because he has control of the money. I hate to think that these husbands can just have their way and cheat whenever they want without respecting their wives.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
That's true, Aja! But even if I wanted to work, he still requires me to do everything as a mother. And I don't think that my body could ever handle such stress. It might just be the end of me if I would still find work and be doing everything in the house. I chose to be at home to take care of my kids coz I know that they would be needing me not just to feed them, but I am also their teacher and friend.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
4 Feb 13
Maybe a part time job or a home based job would be ideal? I think a lot of mothers are doing that so they get some income on the side. Although very little. Being a woman of todays world is tough. Men can get away from kids but mothers will always need to stay with the children because they are the ones that can nurse them best.
How old are your children?
I also have a friend who stopped school because she got married early. Her husband does all the work and she has two toddlers now, both boys, she's having a tough time. She can never leave her kids for long so she is always stuck in the house with them. She's waiting until they grow old enough to be left alone and she'll return to school or work then.
I like that you are both your kids' teacher and friend. Every mother should be like that.
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
2 Feb 13
It is better said than done, some people are able to break things off with a jerk guy but end up going back to that same trashy relationship as if they were addicted to it. They keep doing the same things but expecting different results, we can't judge them though, they know that they deserve better, but some people aren't just ready to do better.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
5 Feb 13
That's a rather dependent attitude many women have. It's sad that they think they need a man in their life to be loved, but I don't think that is so. They can always find love from their friends and family. At least, if they want love from someone special, it should be a good person who will return their love.
Yeah, the delusion that they can change someone. It's not exactly a bad thing, just that it's not realistic and it usually hurts people.
That kind of reasoning is rather frustrating. Some women just don't know when to stop.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
4 Feb 13
That's a great observation you have there, frai.
It's true. Some women do break off from bad relationships but winds up in the same kind of relationship with the next guy they are with. If that happens, then I think there is something wrong with that woman, or she's just unlucky.
It stands to reason that women should be more careful in choosing partners. It goes for guys too.
Fools would use the same method over and over and expect different results. I think Einstein once mentioned that if you do a method that had a bad result, then you could try doing the opposite method and see if that works.
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
4 Feb 13
It's because those people are afraid. They are afraid that they will never be loved in the same way again. They fear that no one else will be in tune with them, with their moods, the essence of who they are in this necessary specific way. And they feel that they dont have the capacity to love anyone like that again. Because they've never been so vulnerable with anyone else and that thought of even trying makes them feel hopeless and tired.
Maybe because they think "this time will be different?" Because they think they can make it work if they just pushed a little more.
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
20 Feb 13
hi,
it so hard to say when to hold on and let go,because most of the people now a days are martyrs and they endure even they hurt by their partner as long as their partner stay with them,for me hold on if i am still hoping that our relationship will come back to normal and letting go if i feel that my partner never love me anymore or never give significant to me.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
20 Feb 13
There are lots of martyrs, I have noticed this too.
I think they have mistaken attachment for love. Attachment is when they fear they will be left by that partner even when that partner is no good to them. Love is loving the other person and yourself. If one loves himself or herself, that person would never tolerated someone who will hurt him unjustly.
We have to let go of the fear of being separated from someone. Because in the end, we have to learn to stand on our own. It is only good when our partner is there for us when they choose and want to, not because we are forcing them to stay with us or begged them to stay. We must not lose our dignity like that.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
That's great Carra!
We need to use our heads, not just the heart, in relationships. We need to be wise in order to protect ourselves and our relationships with people.
