When I first moved back in...
By SomeCowgirl
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
United States
February 1, 2013 9:51am CST
I've realized this for awhile but haven't really shared it with anyone until now.
When I first moved back in to where I live now...
I slept with my grandmother or in the den..
I didn't want to go into my brother's room.
When I finally got up the nerve to do so, I needed to clean the room out.
It's been a few years and I am still working on it.
My brother died years ago, before I moved back in. He had so much stuff, so much stuff. Magazines that no one will read, but that was kept.
Nuts and bolts and tools and such that no one uses but that were kept.
Preserving a memory I suppose. It's fine to preserve memories but not when it hurts you.
They didn't want to come clean the room anymore then they had to. A lot of things went to heck.
Cleaning stopped. The house became a big mess.
Why? My brother, he was the one to clean everything. He kept things cleaned. If it didn't need to be kept, he'd throw it away or put it under the house. There was no ifs ands or butts about it. He'd throw it away when you weren't looking.
You never really did miss it after that anyway.
The kitchen was cleaned. The floors were vaccuumed. Things looked neat. He did a lot, and we didn't appreciate it enough. We took it for granted.
That's the past now.
Now is the present. A house that goes to heck. I've tried cleaning more then I have but I think "what's the use?" "No one appreciates it. No one tries to keep it clean."
I have a grandfather whom, I kid you not, it seems as if you clean off one thing he goes "Oh here's another place to put my stuff."
Don't even think about suggesting to me to tell him about it, ask him to stop. It won't happen. It won't help.
We just have to live with it, live around it.
I'm frustrated with what a mess the house is.
My mom died a few years ago, I inherited a lot from her. I got some of my stuff as a child too. I suppose it's a good thing my brother in law threw away a lot of the toys, I know I'd have kept them as well.
We have a lot of her stuff, it needs to be sorted through, organized, utilized or given to someone who will.
A lot of it I will use when I move out so I don't want to part with it. A lot of it is kept as a memory of her. I don't want to part with that, and I won't.
But somethings can be thrown out, given to goodwill.
VHS tapes that no one watches.
Paperwork that I found and put for my grandfather to look through. I don't think he has. I don't know that he will.
So much frustration. So many things that aren't being used, aren't serving purposes.
4 people like this
10 responses
@peavey (16936)
• United States
1 Feb 13
You can only do what you can do. If there are things to be thrown out, throw them out. If there are things to be given away, give them away. Fewer things means less clutter. Even if it doesn't seem that way, every time you get rid of something, that's something less to worry about.
I have become less sentimental as I grow older. I realize that I have kept things that my kids won't know anything about when I'm gone. Pictures of places and people they don't know, handkerchiefs from my mom that I never mentioned to them (they'll wonder why I kept hankies that I never used!), knick knacks that were given me by friends and family and so on. Whatever I can bear to part with, I am doing right now.
Clutter becomes a habit, I think. Are you going to sleep in your brother's bedroom? If you are, clean it all out and make it your place. Keep a few things to remember him by and get rid of the rest. You'll feel better if you can just control one room.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
1 Feb 13
I have been sleeping in there for over a year and a half now. I've slowly made it my room but there were things like that magazines that I didn't do anything with for awhile because of family.
I live with my grandparents. We look at photos sometimes and I ask my grandmother to tell me who that is again, or whose was this. I ask these things so I hopefully won't forget.
There is a bracelet of hers that I asked for. It should rightfully go to my aunt but then again I have every right to it as she does since my mother has passed. Anything that would have gone to my mom falls onto my sister and I.
For things you don't want to part with you could buy a journal and write down what things are, why they were kept. Label the journal clearly or perhaps have it kept in a safety deposit box to be opened before any of your other things are gone through.
I'm highly sentimental, I am. Which I guess is what makes it even hard for me to part with things I know need to be parted with.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
1 Feb 13
It really is sad that hard feelings arise over who gets what. We managed to keep it to a mild uproar, but still there are questions about who got what and why. Sad... I know Mom wouldn't have wanted it that way. She didn't have much of value, but I value the things that remind me most of her like a book on birds and a tape of her singing.
cynthiann, most of the photos have names on them but not how they are related. I have hundreds of photos and will realistically never get around to making notes on most of them. Some of them are polaroids (remember those?) with that black backing that you can't write on.
I do my best, but I know there will still be things they'll have to sort through and just toss out because they won't have any meaning to them.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
2 Feb 13
Oh yes, I still have polaroids! I understand your dilemma with so many so you may want to throw out yourself and choose the ones you want to keep. I know that you are right about those after us throwing away but there may be one person in hyour family who will do a family tree one day and be interested in them. I have two in my family whi are interested so I am tring to do my besy but it is a challenging task
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
1 Feb 13
Personally, I would grit my teeth and dump what needs to be dumped. Yes, keep mementos and things that are precious to you but dump the rest. don't even bother to ask yur GF to go through the papers as you are bright enough to decide if it is important or not but dump it. Make your room your haven as you do not know how long you will be living there until you get a place of your own. So. just concentrate on this one area then bathroom and kitchen.
Don't wait on anyone else to do the sorting as you can do it or else get a definite date from your sister to do it together. You can control the room in which you occupy and you will feel better when this is done. .and you can take that to the bank. Blessings sweetie. Keep strong
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
1 Feb 13
I think I"ve confused you.
The stuff that was my mom's is here and is now mine. We sorted my mom's house out a few years ago when she passed. Now what is here is her stuff, my stuff (from when I moved back in) my brother's stuff (WHICH is what SHOULD HAVE been SORTED THROUGH years ago, before I moved back in).
My biggest thing I have to deal with is a grandmother who doesn't want me to "disturb" his room, and a grandfather who puts paper towels on the counter to save and always has and always will..
YUCK YUCK YUCK!
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
2 Feb 13
Oh dear - this is a big problem. No, your grandfather is n ot going to change his ways
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Feb 13
You can't make them do anything, but if you can get up the energy, you go weed things out little by little. Frustrating though...
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
1 Feb 13
The VHS tapes can be sold. There are still VHS enthusiasts out there. I don't understand it, but that's just me.
You need to sort through the paperwork yourself. If it looks like rubbish, dispose of it. If there's some question, hold it up and ask your grandfather what it is. If you do that often enough, he may bother to give you some feedback on the stuff. If not, use your best judgment.
Your grandparents are not young people. As their health deteriorates, there are going to be increasing issues with that house. You need to try to get things in order before that happens.
@allknowing (136369)
• India
2 Feb 13
Living with those with a different mind set is not easy specially when you love them. But love conquers all SomeCowgirl. Use it.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 Feb 13
I would suggest you clean up your brother's room and make it yours. What you want to keep you put in boxes unless you need it now. This way it will stay clean and saved and you can easily take it with you if you leave.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
1 Feb 13
I have been making it mine.
I have been cleaning it up.
I still have two loving grandparents to contend with on some of it though.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
1 Feb 13
This would be quite frustrating, and reminds me of a house I was supposed to be a live in caregiver at over 20 yrs. ago. When I moved in, there were rooms piled high like the show hoarders full of stuff. They had dumpsters there trying to empty out everything, but always ran across someone moving things to where the clean areas were, or always complaining. It was not fun. Personally, I could not take it and had to leave, and never got paid for my time there. But sometimes you just need to find a way to express your thoughts, and hope for the Best from there.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
1 Feb 13
Thinking of the house as a whole entity can be overwhelming, and what needs to be done and what needs to be thrown or kept, the best thing to do is to tackle ONE room at a time, otherwise you will find it too much and you will feel that you haven't achieved anything and it can all get on top of you and bring you down, emotionally. Sure a big purge is needed, but like everything take it in bite size chunks, give yourself the time you need and sort one room out, once that is done move onto the next. By having a plan and a checklist you will get so much more done and it will become rewarding rather than a chore to be endured. Hope that helps my friend. Don't get too frustrated.
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
1 Feb 13
I'm sorry to hear about this. I live in a similar situation that, no one helps me clean and our house is a wreck... I don't try very much... I just get so tired of trying to figure out where to put anything to make it clean. We don't do dump runs because it costs too much. We have a trailer or two full of old crap. I guess I could just pile more in there. Its just a big hassle and no one helps me if I do try...
So I can relate to how you feel. My dad is just like your grandpa as well. His stuff clutters the w hole house, at least my stuff is in my room mostly.
@TLilly12 (1229)
• United States
1 Feb 13
This has really have to be frustration, having to clean up behind, other people and you grandfather won't clean up, any thing I don't like living, with any one like this at all,I went to this woman house, who was seamstress and she had, clothes all over the couch, and they were piled high, I kid you not, I was scare to sit, on the couch because I was scare, something was going to jump out at me, this was a very nasty lad I never went back to, her house for her, to sew nothing for me ever again.
