A night at the asylum

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Say congratulations to the newest super klutz on the block. This one is a riot! WARNING TO THOSE WITH A WEAK BLADDER, GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST As most of you know, I live way out in the country among the wild critters who make sure that they visit the "cafeteria" every night. Especially those hairy critters with the mask...the bandits of the wild...raccoons. I have a tree that leads to my storage shed so it is easy for the raccoons to climb that tree and get up on the shed. Then it is a 2 foot jump from the shed roof to the roof of my house. Then it is smorgasbord time!! I feed one of my feral cats on the roof of the house because of one of my neighbors and the stupid complaints she made to the home owners association. She was upset that her dog was getting into the cat food that I put out for the cats and he would gobble down the gourmet delicacies and then have the whiskey farts throughout the day and night. She is a super neat freak and was offended by the odor emitted by the business end of the dog. It didn't matter that the dog wasn't on a leash which is against the Association's rules (as well as the county ordinances). So, I ended up having to feed the cats on the roof of my house. I crawled in bed last night, exhausted from cleaning like a mad woman yesterday. I had finally taken down the Christmas tree (another long story for another day) and was cleaning up the mess from my artificial tree. I also did my vacuuming for the two day period. I did a bunch of other cleaning, including dumping the stale cereal on the roof for the birds. I guess the birds didn't like the kind of cereal and so it sat up there for the raccoons to munch down. The first thump thud of little bandit paws hit the roof and the dogs went nuts. Abby moved faster than I've seen her move in days!!! Of course to relieve the pressure that she was putting on me to let her out, I opened the door and she raced for the yard, barking and growling like a mad dog. I crawled back in bed and started to doze off. I wasn't worried about Abby because she could let herself back in the house. She came back in and flopped in her bed and all was quiet for about five minutes. Then came the familiar thud thump of raccoons on the roof. Abby went berserk again and raced for the door. She misjudged and ran into the bedroom door jam. That didn't stop her for a minute. I let her outside again and promptly tripped over a cat. Good old Dinglebeary, who is a black and gray Maine Koon cat, sauntered into the path way. Of course I didn't turn on the lights since I was in a bit of a rush to let the dog out. The raccoons retreated again and Abby came back in the house. I, in the meantime, had headed back for bed. I didn't look when I sat on the edge of the bed and promptly sat on a cat. Fortunately Willy is a "large" cat and it didn't hurt him a bit. I did get some dirty looks though. So, after I apologized to Willy I crawled back in bed. Abby flopped in her bed with a huge sigh. Gee, the night was going very well! Ahh, the raccoons were very determined last night, and they came back yet again for the cereal. And as twice before, Abby went nuts and wanted outside to get the guys. I got up and staggered towards the door and let her out. I then headed for the bathroom. I made it to the door and tripped over Dinglebeary, AGAIN. I was in the process of pulling down my pants so I could use the toilet, but in tripping over the cat I managed to stumble and pee on Dinglebeary, then I stumbled again because I was feeling horrible that I just peed on the cat! So, with that trip I managed to pull my supply of toilet paper off the baker's rack that I have in the bathroom to hold the towels and TP and other essentials. As the last roll of TP landed on my head, Willy arrived to see what the commotion was about. He jumped up on the toilet and up to the baker's rack, dumping a container of talcum powder off the top shelf and onto my head! By this time I was wet, tired, and now I looked like Casper the friendly ghost. I bent over to pick up the TP and of all things, I smashed my little finger of my right hand on the counter top. I swore a blue streak, which startled the cats even more and Willy climbed down from the shelf he was on and managed to dump the towels on my back. That wouldn't have been so bad except that Khuay decided that it was time to sympathize with me and jumped up on my back (since I was bent over) and he and the towels went sailing onto the floor. Typical of cats, he grabbed for the nearest thing to stop his fall, which happened (in this case) to be the baker's rack that had the talcum powder on it. He managed to grab the big container that is the type that holds the powder and the dusting poof. So, I ended up getting dusted again, and ended up with the poof on the top of Willy's head! He too got a thorough dusting of powder. Fortunately the raccoons heard the uproar in the house, which included the little guys barking at all the noise in the bathroom, so they left in a hurry and didn't return. I picked up the TP and towels stacked them back on the shelf. I brushed off the powder the best I could (after all that much powder isn't easy to remove, and especially when you look like the Pillsbury dough boy!) And of course it didn't help that I had a sneezing fit from all the powder up my nose! After ten minutes of cleaning up disaster, I remembered Dinglebeary, who was cowering behind the toilet. I gathered him up and had to give him a bath to clean up the pee that started the whole problem in the first place. After I vacuumed up a ton of talcum powder, and things settled down again, I realized that my little finger was throbbing! I somehow, in the melee, managed to fracture my little finger. I would have loved to have a movie of the whole episode. It would have been a classic!!! Fortunately there weren't many people around so I could clean up the mess without disturbing anyone...but after I got everything back to my version of normal, I sat and laughed like an idiot at the whole episode. Now, to make this a true discussion, how was your night?