What Do Men Think Gives Them the Right to ....Touch a Woman They Don't Know?
By timetravel
@timetravel (1425)
United States
February 8, 2013 8:21pm CST
I am very upset right now. What gives men the right to touch a woman they don't know? Twice this week it happened to me. I am walking somewhere, and a guy comes up to me and tries to put his arm around me, ready to ask me something - probably for
a. money
b. a cigarette
c. spare change
d. drugs
e. money
I live in a city with semi-high crime rate, drug use, etc. There's an assumption that if you are walking - even if it's too and from the grocery or drug store - that you have cigarettes, or extra money, or want to buy drugs. Anyway, he tries to put his arm around me - I'm on my way to my dog walking job when this happens - and starts to ask me something, "Hey Sweetheart - " - and I cut him off.
I pulled away, and said to him, "Don't you ever touch me again!". And then I walked off - quickly. He seemed taken by surprise - not expecting that reaction. He probably thought I - a 56 year old woman - should be flattered by his "attentions". He started to go after me, saying, "I just wanted to -" - but I didn't stop. Finally, he yelled, "B****!" at me, and I thought - fine. At least he gave up. I didn't care what names he called me. I don't want to be touched by a stranger - esp. a strange man. Also, I never carry cash - only a debit card, or cigarettes. And I don't do drugs. So when people ask me for any of this stuff, it's easy to say, "Sorry - I don't carry cash" - or "I don't smoke - do drugs - whatever". People are going to ask - but they shouldn't touch someone they don't know!
It happened a few days before that, too, when I was walking home from the drugstore, and carrying a large package of paper towels. They almost started to slip, but I steadied them - and then felt a hand on my back. It was a guy, who asked, "Hey, Hon - need some help?" - but before he could go further, I said, "Please don't touch me - I don't know you". He backed off quickly and said, "Sorry" - and that was that. My question was - why was he touching my back - when the package was slipping out of my hands, and there was nothing wrong with my back?
Normally, if I see a strange man starting to approach me outside, I quickly cross the street, or pull out my cell phone and pretend to call someone or text someone - just so I don't get hit with questions asking for something - usually money. Because it happens all of the time.
What about you? How do any of you deal with stuff like that? And if any guys are reading this - are you careful about approaching strange women?
3 people like this
8 responses
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
9 Feb 13
That's so scary. So far it hasn't happened to me and I hope and pray that it will never be. A girl can only hope, I guess. I did experience being asked for money by strangers but not being touched like that, and its not just from men, even some women and children would come up to me and ask for money. They even have the nerve to say a certain amount that I should give them. I still remember there's a couple of kids as in from 8-10 years old coming up to me and asking for money. Of course I said I don't have any to give them. They wouldn't let me pass and even start "round" me up. I just felt angry and grabbed the kid nearest me by his collar and said that he's asking for it. I start dragging him to the police outpost and his pals started to run away once they get that I am seriously taking this matter to the police even if I have to drag him all the way. Good thing a traffic enforcer saw us and even volunteered to take the kid himself to the outpost.
1 person likes this
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I guess the certain amount they ask for is whatever they need to get what they want...lol. It's good you stood up for yourself - I guess those kids weren't expecting that. I've heard of groups of kids doing just what you described and sometimes it can get dangerous. I believe it always helps to try to be near enough to other people - rather than in isolated areas - where no one can assist you just in case. Anyway, glad it worked out for you. Sometimes you gotta use what strengths you have!
@teotimoponcerosacena (1551)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
Your right, don.t just trust a stranger. They have no authority to do things as you said. The authority those men carrying are there being ignorant of moral values and also their desire to bully somebody whom they think inferior of strength to them. They should be disciplined good for them I was not living at your place.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
9 Feb 13
That's right - they think because of who they are they can just ignore regular morals and act like idiots and bullies. Of course they think a woman who is older is inferior based on size and strength - if that's their only moral compass! I think it surprised them that I wasn't complacent about it.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I think it must be a cultural thing. That has happened to me, but never by anyone from my own cultural background. Not to say it doesn't happen somewhere to someone else.
A long time I saw a video with some men from some place outside the states. The video was talking about what kind of women they prefer. When a woman would come to talk to them they would just grab on her and sit her on their lap.
That would really freak me out. Actually there were a couple guys who did that before and I jumped up right off them and was like "I'll stand thank you very much."
These women seemed like it was a normal thing for them. Maybe some of that stuff spread over here from there. Still , they need to respect that others don't have the same customs as that and it might offend them.
1 person likes this
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
9 Feb 13
You are correct in that it often is a cultural thing. Yet it's still not right. In the states, people know this, but because of where they live, in some places, they still see it as acceptable behavior or think the rules don't apply to them.
That's what you have to do - take an immediate stand against it or it could happen again.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
If you wouldn't me mind asking, during both times, what were you wearing? Maybe those guys had a different impression on you. And maybe you'd want to tag along somebody when you pass by those streets.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
9 Feb 13
It shouldn't matter what a person is wearing one bit. Respect should still be given.
I understand that some women may wear clothing that some men may find "sexy" but it does not give the right to touch.
Women don't go about grabbing and touching on strange men in business suits or stuff that's showing their their muscles. Even though they might want to. They don't.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Well, I do mind, because when someone is a victim, why is the first thought it's provoked by the victim? As I stated - I am 56. What I was wearing was appropriate for cold weather in the east coast of the states where I am located. I had on jeans, ankle boots, a heavy winter insulated coat with hood - and that was over a hoodie. And gloves. And a scarf. So there was no skin showing. Except for parts of my face. I think the only impression they had of me was that I was an older woman who would fall for them or whatever trick they were trying to pull on me.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
Ah, it annoys me when that happens to me.
But at least you did not get your butt violated by some stranger like I did. And it happened twice to me too. At least yours is not as bad. My boyfriend and I even got in trouble with the person who did it to me. We got punched.
You have every right to be mad.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I'm sorry to hear it went that far with you ... I could tell you stories from my younger days that were worse - I thought since I am now in my mid-fifties those days of being young and sexy and having guys leer after me were long over....I guess age and all is not a factor with guys trying to get their way with women.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Feb 13
There are many perverts out there. So we have to be on our guard as much as possible. When I walk the streets I usually look behind me to check if there was someone being too close. If I got close to a guy, I move around to avoid his touch or remove his hold on me.
All we can do for now is avoid them and stop their attempts whenever we can.
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Feb 13
I live in a rural area and people here still give value to the old traditions of our place and one of that is giving high respect to women.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
10 Feb 13
That's good to hear - at least it still happens like that in some places!
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
22 Aug 15
Be careful my friend when you are out since you said you are in a place where there is high crime . Here you can't just get you cellphone and pretend you are calling because that could be snatched from you .
