Has your partner changed
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
February 13, 2013 3:16pm CST
This is something that I've said to my husband time and time again. We've been together for eleven years now and in those eleven years I think that he has changed in many ways though he swears to me that he is exactly the same person today as he was when I fell in love with him eleven years ago.
These days he never wants to do anything with me or the children whereas he used to go with us to sports practices or he would make sure and take off of work so that he could take the children to the doctor's office.
He goes out more often than he used to do. When we first met he proudly stated that his favorite thing to do in his spare time was to sit at home and watch television like an old man. Now there are times that we will tell me that he is going to grab a burger and he will be gone for hours. And he will not even answer the phone while he is gone who knows where.
These are just a couple of the changes that I've been able to observe in my husband over the course of many years. How about your partner, have you seen any significant changes in them over the course of years that you've been together? What are these changes that you've seen in your partner? If you've not seen any changes in your partner, why do you think that is the case?
3 people like this
11 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
I immediately saw the difference as soon as I started living with him at their house. I noticed how much he would rather be with his friends than stay at home. He would just come to eat lunch and then comes back at 11pm. He just stays over his friends house, and I am not aware of what things they do other than gamble. Well, that has topped now, although, his friends now do come over evry now and then.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
I really never noticed any kind of a difference in Tom until just a little bit over a year ago. What really stinks for me is the fact that I really miss things the way that they used to be.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Feb 13
My husband actually tends to be more like your husband in this sense. Whenever I've tried to sit down and talk with him about those things that are bothering me, I find that he really goes on the defensive.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
15 Feb 13
If your husband is the kind of guy that listens and does not take your suggestions or comments in a bad way, then maybe you could have a good talk about what you have been noticing from him. My husband is such hard-headed. We just end up fighting if I do insist on things. And I just hate going through it every time.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
14 Feb 13
My husband changed when we first started dating. Before we got together he was out with his friends all the time. As soon as we got together that all stopped. He literally never went out with them again. He used to drink a lot.. now he says he doesn't want to drink and didn't even have a single drink this past New Year's. He used to do some other stuff he has no interest in doing anymore. Honestly I think that "party life" had already gotten boring to him.. he was 25 when we started dating. I think he was more than ready to grow up and settle down.. but since he had no reason to until we got together, and he had nothing better to do but hang out with his friends.. he went along with it until he had an excuse not to.
Since then he hasn't changed a bit. He hates going out anywhere.. I can barely even get him to go hang out with me and some of my friends at a bar. He says it's no fun if he doesn't want to drink.. and he WON'T drink.. which is fine. I just want him to hang out with us.
He'll do family stuff though no problem.. as long as he has time, which he really doesn't with his job!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
14 Feb 13
He never had a problem with drinking.. just that he would go out drinking just about everyday with his friends.. and I guess he outgrew it.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
14 Feb 13
I don't drink either and sometimes find it very painful going out to the bar with friends/family. I don't drink by choice. It's not from any past problems with it and I'm not against it when others do it, but it's hard to see sometimes in a bar setting. I guess unless I'm watching a band play or something I just don't see a point of going and sitting in a bar....unless there is food involved. Someone had better feed me!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
That is actually really good that he was ready to make those huge changes in his life after the two of you started dating. Just like with your husband, it really does take something to get him to go out and hang out with some of my friends, be it at a bar or going out to dinner with them.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
15 Feb 13
My husband has changed a bit, but nothing like that. I would be concerned. We spend most of our time together, and with our son with CP. He just is a person that goes with the flow of things and doesn't say too much about it. A lot of the time, trying to get him to help make decisions is horrible, because he will not tell you how he felt.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Feb 13
It is great to hear that your husband is the kind of person that is so devoted to you and to your special needs child.
As far as the changes in my husband go, I do have to admit that I really am concerned and I hope that I can come up with something that he is willing to do that will help to get our relationship back on track.
@JOIEMARVIC (2335)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
My husband and I have been together for 10 months and as newly weds, he has started to change a little bit. Ever since I got pregnant, he became more patient and understanding with my needs. He has been helpful doing household chores to. After I gave birth, he became more responsible. He spends extra hours working to provide more income for the family, helps me in taking care of our baby and takes good care of us. I am 4 years older than he is but he has been very responsible despite the age gap.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Feb 13
My husband is five years older than me and I thought that meant that he would always be more responsible than I am. However, this has not been something that has always been the case. He is my friend and my lover, but I do have to admit that there are some things about him that I really don't agree with.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Feb 13
oh poor dorannmwin that does not sound good. your husband has really changed quite a bit.
So has mine. When we met in 2002 he was an optimistic funny man with quite a good self esteem, a bit on the shy side but that was all right.
In the years to come he changed into someone who is extremely selfish, only me me me, wailing all the time if things dont go as he would like them to, accusing everyone else for these things not working out in his favor and whining whining and whining. At the same time constantly demanding praise for the simplest things he does.
Remember I am the breadwinner here who commutes for hours to work and pay the rent and put back money for a rainy day, and he only works in a place for the disabled now where stress and deadlines are no problem any more, plus he gets disability money so he should be a happy camper but complains all the time.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Feb 13
That is really sad that your husband is constantly complaining about things when it really does sound like he has things easy in his life. I mean with my husband I can understand part of the reason that he's changed because of some of the issues he's been through in his life that couldn't be controlled. However, I know that things for us might be different if I worked outside the house or was physically able to do more around the house.
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
18 Feb 13
I have married for more than 4 years and I see just some changes on him like, he used to beat me up and use lots of bad words, he was too wild but now thanks to God he is better than before in that, when he is angry still he behave bad but as I have changed myself to just be quiete and hear things he has change little bit and he is not as warm as he was with me before marriage. before marriage he was so careful and talk so nice and soft but after marriage he is not that person and he is not spending time with me, used to spend time outside with friends.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
19 Feb 13
I really don't think that I would be able to deal with the kind of relationship that you used to have with your husband. I will admit that there have been some times that my husband and I have gotten into it and he has hit me, and when that happens I feel so low that I really just want to leave. I do swear that if that is something that should ever happen again, I will be gone just as quickly as I can be gone.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
14 Feb 13
Personally, no matter who you are, or the amount of years a person is married, I think this is something everyone will encounter over the years. The thing is it for the better, and if not, what are you doing about it. My husband now goes out more with me then at first and most of the time wants to discuss things more. It will never be easy, but always worth it if you can remember to always talk about things no matter what is going on.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
Talking is something that we both really used to do. We could talk about the things that were bothering us and we were also able to talk about the desires that we had for our lives. However, now when I try to talk to him, he always seems to go on the defensive.
I mean I know that he has been through a lot in his life, but I don't think that those things that he has had to go through gives him justification for treating me like I'm less than him.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
actually my hubby has changed for the better. we have been married for 25 but we separated for 6 months about six years ago because i felt that he was beginning to be set in his ways and he was actually starting to become abusive. obviously something has changed in him although he denies that he has changed, but i see a big change in him. now, he is way more attentive and caring and sweet. even some of our friends have noticed the difference.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
That is great that your husband was able to change for the better. Because of the fact that I too have seen that my husband is becoming somewhat abusive in some ways, I have considered seperating from him for a while. However, the thing that keeps me from doing that is the fact that I really don't have anywhere that I would be able to go. I refuse to move back in with my mother and my siblings.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
14 Feb 13
If he's not answering the phone when he's off "grabbing a burger," I would assume that he's off "grabbing" something else. *Ahem*
My boyfriend is still the same guy with whom I got involved almost three years ago. We've been through a lot during the time we've been together, but our basic selves are still the same. He may come around to some of my ideas once he's seen that they're not so terrible (i.e., eventually buying or building a cabin), but I can count on certain things such as his love of watching movies, belief that he hates horseradish (he loves it as long as he doesn't know that it's in the dish), his routine of watching news videos online every morning.
He has his patterns, his routines, his annoying habits. Some things may change, but I know that he isn't going to suddenly morph into a country boy with a pickup truck and desire to own his own farm. If he ever suddenly expresses a desire to build something by hand, I will suspect that an alien life form has taken over his body.
People change but they don't. They become more themselves.
If a guy changes radically, be suspicious. Something is up.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
You've said exactly the thing that has gone through my mind from time to time. In fact, the last time that he pulled this act, I even sent him a text message saying to him, "I certainly hope that she is good because I am going to be gone." Of course I couldn't leave because I didn't have a car to be able to leave. If I had, I most definitely would have been gone by the time that he got back.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
14 Feb 13
Was married for 15 years and yes he changed. Changed so much that he's off grabbing burgers on his own now because we're divorced. 
I think all couples go through it though. My parents did for a while. Wanting that personal space or wanting time with friends over doing everything together all the time.
I know I enjoyed getting away from home and the kids and my husband just to breath and be me for a while. I don't have to worry about that anymore (it's a good thing, really) but think as far as couples go everyone needs their space as long as it's not all the time. If it's all the time then would start to wonder about it.
I think all couples go through it though. My parents did for a while. Wanting that personal space or wanting time with friends over doing everything together all the time.
I know I enjoyed getting away from home and the kids and my husband just to breath and be me for a while. I don't have to worry about that anymore (it's a good thing, really) but think as far as couples go everyone needs their space as long as it's not all the time. If it's all the time then would start to wonder about it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Feb 13
I mean I will admit that I like to go out with my friends on a pretty regular basis, but it isn't something that I do all the time. Instead, I go out with them a couple times a week. This is something that gives me a chance to breathe and a chance to vent if that is something that I need to do. However, I always let him know where I'm going and who I am going to be with when I leave the house.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
15 Feb 13
My husband and I have been together for 9 years now and absolutely he has changed. Some things are for the better like for example his spending habits are MUCH better than they were when we met. Lol.
But some things have changed for the worst like him not being romantic at all anymore like he used to be when we first met. Basically once we had kids the romance was gone. He is the type of person that thinks when you have kids that is all you focus on 24/7. While I agree our children are the most important, keeping the romance alive is also important so our marriage can last...
I think everyone changes after so many years of being together. Priorities change and people grow. Hopefully they change for the better but not always...
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Feb 13
I wish that I could say that he had made changes for the better, but I really don't believe that this is the case at all. Instead, I know some things about his past from before we met and in a certain sense I have to say that it seems to me like he is reverting to those old habits.
Sad to say, but I really miss my husband being the man that he used to be.
