Selfless selifishness...
By vanny
@vandana7 (100526)
India
February 21, 2013 1:05am CST
This is a spin off discussion..lol
So...somebody started a discussion about beautiful people being selfish.
Why? Because they are self obsessed, they spend more on themselves, they have no time for thinking about others. In my opinion that is a virtue!!!
Now, if I were as beautiful as Lady Di...I would spend on costly clothes and cosmetics, and then auction them off in charity...fetching almost double the value because I wore it. :) If I were to talk two sentences about a charity...and donate a 100 bucks, I am sure a million would be swayed to donate at least 10...merely to impress me or be seen around me. And Lady Di claimed no credit for those 10 million accidental charity ...selfless stuff, isn't it? So if her selfishness resulted in selfless stuff, its beautiful...no egos there..
Now lets look at other end of the spectrum. Some not so good looking people. They turn to charity to attract attention of people..ah!! That is selfish if you ask me. They spend time criticising beautiful people...out of sheer jealousy...quite oblivious to the fact that they themselves are not perfect in many ways. Its easy to get the focus on the beautiful ones.
I think all charity should come whole heartedly and nobody should be socially coerced to do it. There is resentment then in the heart of people doing it. They might be willing to do a different type of charity that others would not be aware of and they might not want others to know of it or they might have obligations and responsibilities that others are overlooking.
Even if they have enough and dont want to...its their monies, their lives...why should we live it for them comparing ..look Bill Gates is doing it, so should you? Arent we selfish if we want them to live as per our principles and standards? Forcing nunnery on somebody just because somebody is beautiful or rich or seems to have enough or has made wrong choice of becoming a nun is not fair..
Having said that...letting kids know why good things are worth doing ...explaining things holistically is a good idea. When they grow up ...its their call.
So what do you think...is selfishness a virtue...and would it not be more selfish on our parts if we expect others to be selfless, and arent we all selfish when expect returns in form of praises for charity that we do?
2 people like this
10 responses
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
21 Feb 13
Hello Ma.
Okay selfless and selfishness.
Lemme see here.
Most beautifull people really is awfully selfish but on the other hand some of them is and always will be selfless.
It is not easy to see the difference but beauty really isnt the thing.
It's the person who have either selfish or selfless ways.
Most probably the way they are raised. I guess.
It actually has got nothing to do with the way a person look.
I think i just confused the hell out of myself here.
But i know you will understand my blabbering.
You know something ...you are very very very pretty. :)
.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
21 Feb 13
Hi,
Forget about cash or money!
Just to have a smile or a few words make such a lot of difference! But that is not even! Does such things deserve or people expect from others? We don't have a perfect mandate or nothing like that and I don't know from where people would learn such things. From the life and experience and looking on the world around, we have to learn and understand the importanced and need of charity and some kind hear or mercy.
Yes, there are are a group of people so cunning and taking advantage of such situations and that may be one reason for people to identify which is true and which is not.
It is a fact that the celebraties can do a lot and may have done and doing also. But it is not necessary that all should do and they are doing it for a cuase. Even the company where I am working is doing a best job and it is continuing from last 10-15 years. This year we could manage to collect around 7000 kg. of cloths, medicines, other dress, etc. Also, the company have acquired a village from Andhra Pradesh and providing basic requirements to them. Also, selected 15 schools from varios states and providing free education. Many staff from the office are voluntarily visting various schools and providing teaching facilites. Also had given a 3000 of computers to various shools and given helps to many.
So, it can be done from all, but the though come from within and we can see a lot more doing by people around and we should believe that there are people do a lots of charity from their heart and such things we need to be appreciated.
Sad to say, our country never will improve becuase the majority of the wealth is accumulated under the shelters of our politicians and the wealth is countlessly hoarding under the shelfs of the temples and other religious institutions. Let them accumulated and preserve in the name of God and let the poor to die on the road sides...
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
21 Feb 13
Thanks I beg to differ from you slightly.
I think every industrialist is a much more charitable person than any ordinary individual.
Reason...I can donate 100 bucks. May be 1000 or 10000. That cant start any industry. That cannot employ anybody well into the future. Right? Rakesh Jhunjhunwala mentioned...every family employ four people, directly or indirectly. And in four years, country's woes would be over.
Why? One person employed for lifetime sets right his food, his family's food shelter and education and medicine. The whole problem is exactly there...many rich people have their monies, they dont start businesses. Instead invest in cars or gold, or clothes, or homes, or offices. While homes and offices, we are short of in some way even today, other things we are not. Clothes...and cars and jewelry you would say we are having industries there...of course...we do. But correct format of demand is not forthcoming for those industries to survive. So today it is fashionable to wear something...everybody would jump to produce that...two years down the lane, such things are no longer trendy so people are unemployed again. Unlike them, manufacturers think deeply and identify sustainable markets. They then determine feasibility. And then employ people ensuring food, clothing, shelter, education, and medicine not only for their employees but for the families of their employees. Its not a small task. It is imperative that they make profits as otherwise, so many people would be out of work and without food etc. It is also imperative that they make more profit so that they can start another industry. So no...when they start another company and yet another. I am not going to say they are greedy. Notwithstanding the value of their shares. It is those who store their monies in gold, and cash and swiss banks ...and artifacts...and have lavish weddings...yeah...lavishness to an extent is understandable but there has to be a limit to it. When it becomes wasteful...that is ...when it encourages an unsustainable industry, or results in increasing foreign borrowings, then it better be curtailed.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
21 Feb 13
Jeans for a cause
Thanking our society!
Wear jeans to office tomorrow, in return for a contribution of Rs.100. Proceeds of the campaign will go to National Association for the Blind (India), an NGO working for the empowerment of visually impaired people.
Let’s all come together, dressed in our favorite blue and say it loud and clear – Thank you society!
*Contributions to be made at your office entrance, where you can also get your hands stamped. Other than jeans, please follow the Friday dress code.
-- see this is a mail just got from office and find how individually and collectively someone cares. We have around 7000 employees here in all over India and when the same happened in the last year we had about 93% supported to it. Someone cares and for a cause and it helps the needy with undue respect.
@CarlHalling (3617)
• United Kingdom
21 Feb 13
I do see what you mean in so far as criticising beautiful people for being beautiful is unkind. For after all, they did not ask to be beautiful, they were born that way. Beautiful people have their own problems; for example, it may be that they are judged excessively according to their looks. They might be perceived to be less intelligent than those who are less beautiful, which of course is absurd. It's of course possible to be both physically beautiful and intellectually or artistically brilliant; in fact I'd go as far as to say it's quite common. It's equally irrational to assume that because a person is beautiful, they will automatically be more selfish than their less beautiful counterparts. It's simply not so in my view. I'm a Christian, and it's my contention we all incline to selfishness; although of course there are degrees. I pray for people constantly, and I do so out of compassion for them. But that does not mean I am an especially selfless individual. But I would say I have a caring tendency. It could be said the beautiful are more tempted than most by a love of their own reflection in the mirror; but in my view, this kind of vanity does not automatically lead to happiness; far from it. Many beautiful people have led very unhappy lives. But there are other gifts that can tempt a person apart from beauty...such as wealth; fame; social position; great intelligence. And as I say, these do not necessarilly bring great joy. Therefore sometimes I feel it's a good thing to be compassionate towards the beautiful, for they may not necessarily be happy. They have feelings like everyone else.
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
27 Feb 13
I am touched with your in-depth analysis of the situation that beautiful people often find themselves in. Every bit that you wrote there is indeed very true. They too can do with a little compassion instead of being uncharitable towards them for the gift that god bestowed on them.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Feb 13
Nothing wrong with a little selfishness as long as it isn't at the expense of other people.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Feb 13
well if everybody were a lot selfish (not at the expense of other people) probably nobody would help anybody....
Thx for the br.
@topffer (42156)
• France
21 Feb 13
I would not say that spending on clothes and cosmetics is selfishness. The first word that comes in my mind is coquetry, but this word has not exactly the same meaning in English than in French, where it is just the concern about your appearance : if you don't care about yourself, who will do it for you
? I also find antagonistic the idea that somebody can give to charity by selfishness : I would call this a sort of overweening pride when it is obviously done to attract attention of others. It is not a completely disinterested attitude, but the money given will be as useful as if it had be given secretly...
Now my opinion about selfless/selfishness. I never thought that selfishness was a virtue, but, with the passing of time, I thought that I was not a saint to sacrifice all my life to others, so it is a compromise between an altruistic moral code and a part of selfishness. I find unbearable completely selfish people, but life would be difficult without a bit of selfishness. Everybody has to find the right compromise solution.
? I also find antagonistic the idea that somebody can give to charity by selfishness : I would call this a sort of overweening pride when it is obviously done to attract attention of others. It is not a completely disinterested attitude, but the money given will be as useful as if it had be given secretly...
Now my opinion about selfless/selfishness. I never thought that selfishness was a virtue, but, with the passing of time, I thought that I was not a saint to sacrifice all my life to others, so it is a compromise between an altruistic moral code and a part of selfishness. I find unbearable completely selfish people, but life would be difficult without a bit of selfishness. Everybody has to find the right compromise solution.@vandana7 (100526)
• India
21 Feb 13
Wow topffer...such measured response. 
Yeah..there has to be a blend of selfishness there..
Like I could be sinning with an extra helping of yogurt...because my hunger is satiated. But my taste buds are not. So somewhere out there might be hungry child suffering with malnutrition who might have got some food had I abstained from eating. Or some old woman...who is unable to eat that food on her plate because it is much too dry. If I had to think I am selfish...even the air I breath might make me feel guilty. :) It is for each one of us to decide what is selfish and what is not...others cannot decide...but can opine...I would not have done that. Only to that extent. No declaring another person selfish. :)
In any event, have you ever thought beautiful people are selfish?
Yeah..there has to be a blend of selfishness there..
Like I could be sinning with an extra helping of yogurt...because my hunger is satiated. But my taste buds are not. So somewhere out there might be hungry child suffering with malnutrition who might have got some food had I abstained from eating. Or some old woman...who is unable to eat that food on her plate because it is much too dry. If I had to think I am selfish...even the air I breath might make me feel guilty. :) It is for each one of us to decide what is selfish and what is not...others cannot decide...but can opine...I would not have done that. Only to that extent. No declaring another person selfish. :)
In any event, have you ever thought beautiful people are selfish?1 person likes this
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
3 Mar 13
Well, now I remember why some of the people around me said that I am flippant... When they asked me questions to what should they do in a certain circumstance, I could only tell them what I experienced, but I would say that was really for them to decide what they should do. How can I force what works with me to others? I guess now you can call me of being unselfish? Well, by telling you this I guess I am a vane or have a selfish virtue or what else...?
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
16 Mar 13
Jenn...you actually do the right thing!!!
I know Christ said do unto others what you would like them to do unto you. But there are exceptions to that rule. One man's food can be another man's poison. We can just share our experience. But in the end each one of us has to take a call and it should be based on personal level, and not according to another person's opinions. :)
Great girl Jenn...
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
25 Feb 13
Personally you made some excellent statements here. If someone who is beautiful or rich can afford to give like this, it should be their call. Like the ones like Bill Gates, Oprah Winfree, Ellen DeGeneres, Paul Allen, Tyler Perry and some of the others who once might not have had as much as they have now, and are giving freely of extra money to help others, and want to do so, that is great. I always feel no matter what you have, if you can give and help out somewhere it will come back too you.
Those who end up getting a lot, and refuse to give back, this is what bothers me, and there are very selfish, and need an awakening. I always feel you should take time to Thank God no matter what situation you are in, and give back when and where you can, even if it is just a little. There is usually always someone out there hurting more than you, and give unto others never hurt anyone for sure.
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
16 Mar 13
"There is usually always someone out there hurting more than you, and give unto others never hurt anyone for sure."
Actually, I am not sure I agree with that statement in its entirety...
The first part ..yes, but the second part no.
Everybody has a threshold of requirement. It differs from person to person. I may suffer from arthritis and varicose veins. So I need to spend more on medication than another person who is healthy in all respects. Likewise, I may have the responsibility of my parent, while another person may not have any responsibilities. So notwithstanding the fact that two persons earn same amount of monies, declaring one as selfish would be unjust because in the process we expect one of them to forego necessities while the other person can truly spare that money. Another factor is genetic predisposition to certain types of ailments. So people do tend to set aside or provide more for their hard times. I dont see anything wrong with that. In fact, I would say that is less selfish because they are ensuring they are not siphoning from limited resources that can be made available for helping others. I would agree they are selfish if they were extravagant. But keeping for their hard times ...nope.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
21 Feb 13
I think many rich and beautiful people often use their personas to give back for many reasons. Whatever they reason is, it’s up to them and let’s face the world will be a better place if many people, not just the rich and beautiful will practice charity out of their hearts and pockets.
If beauty is used for something more feasible and helpful, why not? It helps other people live another day, that should be the only thing that matters.
I have a thing about other people and the concept of finances. Everybody should be responsible to make their own wealth and distribute or consume it as they see it. Usually, it the rich people plays this role and I think that at least, there are some people who give back for those who are unfortunate. My only beef sometimes is that being categorized as ‘rich’, you can also get accused of being selfish for some reason. Perhaps, some people think that since there is a great discrepancy in wealth distribution, anyone classified as rich should be condemned.
Anyway, I think that there is an expected for other to be selfless even though the one calling to the action are selfish people themselves. In some degree or another, we are all selfish; it matters on how we affect other people.
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
21 Feb 13
Exactly, many people go hammer and tongs at rich and famous and beautiful people. Quite forgetting their own lapses.
Each one has their set of desires and responsibilities. Each one has their own set of requirements in future. For example, we may have genetic disorders which another person may not have. So I might have to make a provision for that. Merely because some monies are lying in my bank I cant be approached by charity seeking organizations or condemned by others as selfish.
I have also observed nobody is very money minded. Each one has some fixed set of desires that they try to achieve before commencing charity. If only, people would let others reach these goals...instead of using undue influence to pull away monies from them..:( If that happens, charity is resented. And the person my start aggressive accumulation of wealth so that if he or she is in similar situation at a later date, he has enough...:(
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
21 Feb 13
Hi,
Having some of the renowned brands in your wardrobe - does it actually mean u are selfish? Don't you desere a good collection of clothes to wear? Spenidng more will not always make you look beautiful. And wearing one of those dress you are donating/ feeding a poor , i think that poor will bless you wholeheartedly and won't be asking you either the brand/price of that piece of cloth.
It is in ourself how we can give back to the society / charity. I don't think so i need publicty for whatever i do - like many of the celebrity.
For the kids upbringing - no i don't advise them to do charity for their fame but i tell them to learn the level of satisfaction i.e. be happy with whatever little/more we have in our hands. This is another way to teach the kids why we can't fulill their demands everytime.
@vandana7 (100526)
• India
21 Feb 13
By holistically, I meant...I would tell the kid why he needs to be correct in paying people for services received.
For example I would tell the kid...look if you dont pay the correct salary, he wont have enough to eat, and then get infections like tuberculosis and play with your kids or you and you would get those infections. Not worth it, isn't it? So be fair when you pay. Likewise, when you help somebody see to it that such help prevents him or her from staying away from streets. Try to reach that level in your life so that you can feed at least one family by employing them. And so on...
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
21 Feb 13
For every "rule" there's always an exception. We cannot really generalize that all good looking people are selfish, all not-so-good-looking people are nice, and vice versa. Some people are beautiful inside out, some people are only beautiful outside, some people are beautiful inside only, while still there are some people who are totally ugly inside-out. 
In my opinion and personal definition, selfishness is not a virtue. When you say selfish, you do not think of anybody else's welfare but yourself. You only focus on what will make you happy, and what you want without regard for other people's feelings. If you happen to consider their feelings and still do the opposite, that is still selfish even though it is half-cooked. 
There is nothing in between. Either you are selfish, or you are not.
I myself admit that I have moments of selfishness. There are times that I put myself first before others. Do I feel guilty about it? Yes, at times I do. Do I do something to rectify the damage I have done? Yes, and I will not stop until it has eased my guilt and I have made amends. Am I proud that I am selfish? Of course not, and I am really ashamed whenever my selfishness surfaces. Is it human nature to be selfish? Yes, and it is also hand in hand with self-preservation that man has survived. But because we're humans, we are gifted with intelligence and sound reasoning. We can decide for ourselves if we want to be selfish or not.
In my opinion and personal definition, selfishness is not a virtue. When you say selfish, you do not think of anybody else's welfare but yourself. You only focus on what will make you happy, and what you want without regard for other people's feelings. If you happen to consider their feelings and still do the opposite, that is still selfish even though it is half-cooked. There is nothing in between. Either you are selfish, or you are not.
I myself admit that I have moments of selfishness. There are times that I put myself first before others. Do I feel guilty about it? Yes, at times I do. Do I do something to rectify the damage I have done? Yes, and I will not stop until it has eased my guilt and I have made amends. Am I proud that I am selfish? Of course not, and I am really ashamed whenever my selfishness surfaces. Is it human nature to be selfish? Yes, and it is also hand in hand with self-preservation that man has survived. But because we're humans, we are gifted with intelligence and sound reasoning. We can decide for ourselves if we want to be selfish or not.@vandana7 (100526)
• India
16 Mar 13
The first paragraph...I totally agree with.
The second paragraph...a person can be wittingly selfish, or unwittingly selfish. Unwittingly selfish cannot be a sin, isn't it? After all, we all are using computers. Out there there are young children in the world who can do with a computer for their studies, but cannot afford. So arent we all selfish to an extent? :) Its easy to associate selfishness with everything ...like eating that extra slice of bread, or going out for a movie, or long drive. How much of austerity should we follow to be called selfless? Then we all would be priests or nuns. :)
Wittingly selfish implies harming others for personal gains, and yes, that is BAD.
I think we should only condemn a person who is wittingly selfish. Not everybody. We do not actually know what another person's needs and compulsions are, right? So how can we condemn them as selfish without really knowing the matters completely? Take for example, celebrities. They get so many requests for donations. They also have to pay a lot of taxes. If they refuse to give donations they are called selfish and such matter reaches the press or media. General public develops a bad opinion about them and that ends their career. But think about it. They earn only for a brief period in their lives. They do not get any special tax exemptions. They continue to be asked for donations long after they cease to be in their prime. Many celebrities become paupers. Borg is one example though there are other reasons for that in his case. Arent we expecting a bit too much of them then?
