Are you sitting down?
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
February 24, 2013 6:18pm CST
This is definitely not a good way for any discussion to start and yet it was just the way that the first discussion that I had today started. My phone rang and it was my best friend on the phone. She said first thing, "Are you sitting down?" And I told her that yes, I was. Then she said, "Have you talked to my brother lately?" (he is also one of my closest friends. I immediately got concerned that something had happened to Donnie, but she was just trying to see if I'd already heard what she had to tell me. She went on to tell me that a friend of ours that I've known since I was a very young adult was found dead in his bathroom yesterday afternoon by his younger brother.
Yes, I have to admit that this is something that does bother me some because Chuck really was a good person. However, it wasn't completely devastating to me because we weren't super close with each other.
Have you ever had a conversation with a person that you are really close to that started with "Are you sitting down?" If you have, what kind of terrible news did that person have to deliver to you? Whether or not you've ever had such a conversation with someone else, would this ever be the way that you would start a discussion where you were letting someone know something terrible?
4 people like this
8 responses
@much2say (55562)
• Los Angeles, California
25 Feb 13
Sorry to hear about your friend. Generally, yes, when someone says "Are you sitting down", I would assume it means something bad. But a conversation did start this way with our real estate agent last year . . . he had called us and said "Are you guys sitting down?" . . . and it turned out that the house we put in an offer for was accepted - and this was after we had assumed nothing came of it as there were multiple offers - and after we did not hear from the other agent for a long time. In that sense, it was good news . . . but again, in most cases, a conversation that starts with asking if the other person is sitting down is not good, or at least it is big news.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I do tend to think that this statement is something that we are more likely to hear when there is any kind of news that is going to be shocking to a person. This does mean that the news could either be something that is good news or it could be something that is terrible news. However, in my experiences I've mostly heard it when there is bad news that is about to be delivered.
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
25 Feb 13
Yes I have had a discussion where me and my husband have asked people to sit down but it wasn't for bad news it was for good news to tell people that we where going to be having a baby.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
When I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, I just told my mother out of the blue. Tom also told his mother out of the blue and he said that when he told her that he really thought she was going to collapse, so maybe he should have made sure that she was sitting down before he delivered the news to her.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Feb 13
You are right, but at least I tend to think that the shock of hearing about someone having a baby is a happy shock.
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
27 Feb 13
It can be shocking for people to hear about someone having a baby.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
27 Feb 13
I have but it was for good news, are you sitting down, guess what I am pregnant or guess what why just won the lottery type of thing.Sorry to hear about the bad news on your end.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Feb 13
It will be okay. I mean this particular guy was a good guy and someone that I really did think a lot of, but we weren't people that were terribly close to one another.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Feb 13
Last time I did that to somebody, I was telling my ex that I was expecting twins. I usually prefer to start things off "I have good news and bad news". 
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
27 Feb 13
I will normally go in a little bit more directly where I don't really give a person any inclination of what is to come because I know that when you have a feeling that there is going to be very bad news that it is really easy for us to just shut down. I've done that several times in my life.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
26 Feb 13
I'd hate to hear news like that.
Last Christmas, I went back to my hometown, and I had a mini reunion with some friends of mine from high school. Some of them I haven't seen in more than 20 years. I've learned that some of my friends who I was close to back then, have passed on. I had to sit down when I heard the late news.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
27 Feb 13
There have been very few people that I went to high school with that have passed away. However, whenever I do hear of the fact that someone that I used to be pretty chummy with has passed away, it is something that makes me feel terrible. It also makes me really realize that we are definitely not guaranteed tomorrow.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
25 Feb 13
that is just not the way to start out the day i think i would have been floored and in dismay it is always hard when we loose some one that is so close to you I am so sorry for your lose
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I really don't want to make light of it, but thankfully this time it was not one of the people that I am extremely close to that passed away. Yes, there will be a hole in my life, but it isn't something that is as pivotal as it was three years ago when one of my closest friend's husband called to let me know that she was in a coma and the prognosis wasn't good.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Feb 13
I've always wondered about that phase. When I hear something terrible, the action of then sitting down gives me just a small time to think. Maybe it would be better to say, "Do you have a place to sit down?" Then lay the bad news on them?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
There have been times that I've been so blown away be receiving bad news that it could have knocked me off my seat. But then again, I agree with you that sometimes the simple act of sitting down does give you a second to gather your thoughts and that is often something that we need as well.
@MissBlack (356)
• United States
25 Feb 13
The last time I got a call and someone asked was I sitting down, I do believe it was the day I realized my relationship with my best friend of 15 years was over. Her mother attempted to kidnap our other best friend's son. I couldn't believe the nerve of these people. My best friend works at the school and didn't even try to talk her mother out of trying to kidnap her own grandchild. I wouldn't start a conversation off that way simply because you never know the mental state of the person you are talking to..
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Feb 13
Oh, that is blowing news as well. I don't think that anytime that you hear a conversation started in this way that you are going to be hearing something that isn't going to blow your mind. I do think that there are times that a discussion can start out this way and it isn't horrible news, but I tend to think that more often than not you really aren't going to be hearing anything good.
