How fast they forget.. what they have done...

parents words shold be watvched not to hurt heir c

Patsie Hatley

@Hatley (163776)

• Garden Grove, California

27 Feb 13

hi black and rusty my dad yelled at me in anger when I was twelve " I wish you had never been born." later he aplogized ut those words cut deep as I still remember and I am now 86.I had told him that the nose drops he ma e stung and burned and thats why my little sister did not want to use them. Now when I was 18 they outlawed using that pine oil stuff as nose drops as it was harmful to ones health and l ungs..He was elderly even then and the medical college that he went to was substandard by the scales even then at my age of 18 many years agol. I always watched my words with my own children so i would never hurt them as I had been hurt

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

your right, and my ex has done it now 2-3 times now. My son doesnt forget any of those times. hes hurt...

blackrusty

@blackrusty (3519)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

he has a right to be mad I know I would be its bad enough having to go though a devorse but when you though a new wife or husband into the mix and shove it down the kids throat it makes it even harder for the child to understand what is really going on

patnopy

@patnopy (721)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

many people are easily forget what they do but the people around them are not easily forgotten the things that they do specially the fool things

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

2 Mar 13

Sure is, its very sad. Funny thing is.. now after all this he wants to talk to his son again. Hmmm did he forget about the new wife already? Have a super day there.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

6 Mar 13

Might be, but he has to learn. A son is for a lifetime, not just when you want to have one.

patnopy

@patnopy (721)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

maybe he forget it or maybe not and all just he want is to see hug or even talk to here son or asking forgiveness and some matter like why he had a new wife or what ever he could say to it... good day to you too..

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85146)

• Shingle Springs, California

27 Feb 13

Your son was hurt, and he's just not ready. Your ex is just going to have to deal with that....

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85146)

• Shingle Springs, California

27 Feb 13

Oh he probably won't ever forget, but over time, if your ex is sincerely sorry, they may get to be close again....

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85146)

• Shingle Springs, California

27 Feb 13

PS Sexist comment alert: That's a man for you. Blow up one minute, forget about it the next. Shocked when the other person doesn't instantly forgive and forget.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

Sure is, he cant expect my boy to forget what his dad did over night. Someday he may. Im not sure...

1 person likes this

elitess

@elitess (5070)

• Ipswich, England

7 Mar 13

Hello Maria, He actually said that to him ? Seeing how good looking you are I must assume that your son was not to old when this happened so that makes it worse actually. At some point in the future, the child might end up forgiving his father, but I suppose He is really upset with him for treating him as such, and he also blames him for the break up. Maybe by the time your son forgives him, He will learn some humility and realizes he did not handle things as good as possible in his relationship with the child. I hope they will make up in the end, All the best.

elitess

@elitess (5070)

• Ipswich, England

7 Mar 13

This is sad, because I honestly think your son is more affected then his dad.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

7 Mar 13

Yes his dad has his mind in the wrong place. My son has been hurt by him to many times the last 4-5 years. Kids dont forget this.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

7 Mar 13

Just happened a month ago in las vegas. My son then came home to his mama. it will take him along time before he forgives his dad for this.

1 person likes this

lampar

@lampar (7584)

• United States

27 Feb 13

Your son is doing the right thing for refusing to talk and email him back, he needs to forget about his useless father that choose his new wife over him, and get on with his new life with his mother and move ahead. The less he has interaction with his biological father, the better future he will have for himself in the days ahead before he is molded into someone like his irresponsible father as an adult. Your son need time to heal on his hurt feeling and refrain from getting hurt again, he should be allowed to decide for himself what's best for him at the time being without any more pressure from both sides.

parenting

lampar

@lampar (7584)

• United States

27 Feb 13

The way i see it is that he is trying to play both of your heads down there to his advantage, he want it all for himself due to his selfish manhood and insatiable desire to full fill his own needs at whatever cost to others. A selfish bloke who place himself at the top of the world first personality type of person .

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

6 Mar 13

I think you are right there, I heard from my dad this past week that my ex is having problems with the new wife. So,, lets see no son, and soon no wife...

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

In a way I agree, the dad cant keep playing with my bots heart that way. he made the road, now he needs to follow it.

inertia4

@inertia4 (27960)

• United States

1 Mar 13

Good for you. He needed to hear that and feel bad. No one should ever pick their new partner over their children. That is part of my evil ex's problems. But my kids know that their mother is a moron. I will be seeing them next weekend. I will be going to them this time.

choices

poor

inertia4

@inertia4 (27960)

• United States

2 Mar 13

You know what is going to happen don't you? He is going to learn when he is too old and it will be way too late to change things. Thats what always happens with people like that.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

5 Mar 13

your right, I hear from my dad that the new couple are already having problems there.

1 person likes this

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

1 Mar 13

I agree, blood is forever. Not temporary. he needs to learn from this. Just as my boy has.

1 person likes this

braveheartpt

@braveheartpt (3037)

• Portugal

28 Feb 13

When the relations are over, and when there are kids around, it´s though, specially for the kids. How old are your son?

daughters

sons

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

Hes 14 years old. And hes a very tough and mature young man. I have to let him deal with his dad all alone. I cant...

MsTickle

@MsTickle (25180)

• Australia

6 Mar 13

What a fool your husband is. I'm glad you had the chance to tell him what he has actually done. What he did was so unkind and mean and terrible for a young boy and it seems he was also very thoughtless by not considering the consequences of his actions and words.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

6 Mar 13

I said same thing 2 years ago when I left him. I hope he can also grow up and smell the roses. Happy wed. there.

maximax8

@maximax8 (31046)

• United Kingdom

5 Mar 13

Your ex told your son if he leaves that house than that is it. So why is he surprised he is not answering his phone calls or emails? I think he is crazy to expect he can get another wife and your son will be okay with his behavior. He did choose his new wife and not his own son. A man like your ex can quickly forget what he has said. Good luck to your son's feelings.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

5 Mar 13

That is what I told him last week. I said you always told your son to do what hes told to do... he did that.

lelin1123

@lelin1123 (15595)

• Puerto Rico

28 Feb 13

He should have thought of this before he said what he said to him. The way he treated his son and spoke to him in that manner was totally wrong. Did he really think once he picked his wife's side over him he was going to accept it and still have communication with him. I don't think so. A new wife or a new husband should never get involved in the kids relationship with their parents. That was so wrong for her to say that he needed to call her "mom" from now on. Your ex is now learning the mistake he has made and should realize his son is hurting for what he said and it will take a long time if ever to get over it. Especially if your son does not like the new wife.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

Your right there, hes the one that told the kid.. if you leave that sit. he left so, that sit. All he did was listen to his dad...

bounce58

@bounce58 (17385)

• Canada

28 Feb 13

As a dad myself, I feel his pain. I can't imagine how difficult and painful it is not to see his kid. But like you said, it's supposed to be a two-way street. There are consequences for the things that he chose. And unfortunately, no-communication with his son is part of it. It's great that you don't make it to be about you. And that this is your son's decision.

choice

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

I understand that, but remember he chose the new wife over his own son.

sriroshan

@sriroshan (2585)

• India

17 Mar 13

It's depend upon what they have done and how harmful it was and also depend upon the person to person. Some person does not forget what other people have done to them and for them it is hard to forget it also.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

17 Mar 13

Well, his dad has done many bad things to him over the years.

Jennifer

@LovingMyBabies (85288)

• Valdosta, Georgia

27 Feb 13

You don't know what you have until it's gone, right? He just learned that lesson first hand. If he made different decisions he would still have his son in his life. Too bad he thought another woman was more important than his own son! Terrible. If I was your son I would have nothing to do with him either... Your ex made his choice and now he has to deal with it!

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

Sure did, and he desereves every bit of it. i also had a friends from vegas tell me. hes having 2nd thoughts about the new wife. So he may now end of with no wife, and no son. Hmmm was it worth it?

1 person likes this

Jennifer

@LovingMyBabies (85288)

• Valdosta, Georgia

27 Feb 13

Wow, karma is getting him already huh? No wife, no son and nothing to show for himself... So Stupid!

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

Sure is, I was told many thought he never should have married this gal. Oh well, he has to live with it now.

extremefun4fun

@extremefun4fun (2908)

• India

28 Feb 13

that was a goos answer, I have learned that if we give our love and feeling to a dog, he at leat will be loyal and shake his tail to give thanks. but if we do the same way for men, they would bite and bark and run to someone else. nearly all of them are just

men

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

amen, well said. My son needs to deal with dad.. I cant..

Heather Echola

@GardenGerty (160879)

• United States

27 Feb 13

That is why grown ups need to be the adult in situations. Kids have not had all of these experiences. They take what you say to be what you mean. I think as your son becomes a grown up or an adult he will soften his opinion and I certainly hope that you ex has learned his lesson.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

very true, also he made his bed. Hoe your having a great day there.

Artemeis

@artemeis (4194)

• China

28 Feb 13

I hope that your son is alright and recovering from the hurts suffered from being with his insensitive father. Unfortunately, these scars are permanent and has lasting effects on him. Sometimes it can be good where he is able to let it help him be a better person while the bad would be the opposite when he is unable to evolve with it. As for your ex, you should have thrown his exact words "Deal With It" back at him for being the worst living creature on this already pathetic world.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

So far he is, I think, He just needs time to get over this. i know he loves his dad. hes just so upset over all this. But hes also happy here with his mama.

wilsongoddard

@wilsongoddard (7291)

• United States

28 Feb 13

It's good that your son is moving on with his life. At least, he has one parent who loves and supports him. He doesn't need someone who would choose some pushy bimbo over his own child--and do so in such very harsh terms.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

thanks, he sure does. I just need to let him take care of this on his own. Hes only 14 years old, but hes very mature.

FrugalMommy

@FrugalMommy (1438)

• United States

27 Feb 13

It sounds more like a case of selective memory to me.

If your ex didn't mean what he said to your son, why did he say it?

There really isn't much room for misunderstanding with "if you leave this house, that's it." I'm really glad you're not going to make your son talk to his dad. He'll do it if and when he's ready to. Your ex might not like it but if he's upset about how their relationship is right now he has nobody to blame but himself. How's your son doing, by the way? Is he still helping you out in the cafe?

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

27 Feb 13

very true, he told me he said it because he didnt want to be caught in the middle. i said to him, you need to watch what you say especially to a 14 year old kid.

911Ricki

@911Ricki (13588)

• Canada

28 Feb 13

That's just sad, and I wonder what he will do about it probably nothing. I think your son is right to ignore him, he needs to learn, he is not a real father.

@mariaperalta (19073)

• Mexico

28 Feb 13

Not sure.. but he will have to learn to make family before others. I understand shes his new wife.. but blood must count for something..

Raine38

@Raine38 (12391)

• United States

28 Feb 13

I agree. He's made this trouble, he fix it. Kids are smart nowadays and there's no amount of lies of syrupy sweet words will ever erase what he did. If he wants to start having a relationship again then he must talk to his son, apologize and show sincere remorse over neglecting him at the time he needs him the most and make sure that the same will not happen again. It is good that he realizes now that no other woman can ever take the place of his own kid.