Not quite in mood for crazy friend's antics...

@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
February 28, 2013 11:12am CST
Yesterday I took a short lunch and left a little early. I had a meeting with Cary's karate teacher, and I wanted him to have a little time to eat and to change, because he had a karate class right afterward. I got to the teen center, and the girls were sitting with Naomi's friend Samantha (don't call me Sam, call me Izzie). They were wondering why I was there so early. Izzie told me to go away, it was too early, but the girls asked me if we could go to Chili's while Cary was at karate. Izzie heard Chili's, and all of a sudden she wanted to come with us. I was in a hurry, so I told her she had 30 seconds to call her mom and get it OK'd. She did that, and we all took off for home. It was a few minutes before we had to leave, and I gave everybody a 3 minute warning. Izzie was on the laptop, and wanted 5 more minutes. I told her she had three. When it was time to go, I went out to the car and waited. Cary came, Dearra came, Naomi came, and Izzie came dragging out about a minute later. We were a mile or so down the road when Naomi told me, "Mom, Izzie doesn't have shoes." Oh great, I have to sneak a shoeless kid into Chili's. Izzie says, "I forgot." Backing up. I was already a wee bit grumpy anyway due to not sleeping well the night before. So now, after Chili's and after karate, I was going to have to come home first to retrieve Izzie's things, and then drop Izzie off. I was originally planning on dropping her off on the way home. Now there's a half hour added to the whole equation. So you'll maybe understand why I was cranky. I gave Izzie the glare, and asked, "I suppose you left your backpack at the house too?" Of course she did. Sigh. We got to karate, and Tracy, the front office lady looks at me, and says "are you here for the meeting? You didn't reply to me." Well yes I did reply. So the two karate teachers who are eating dinner split up so I can meet with the one. We had a chat about Cary and goals and how a black belt isn't just good at karate, but applies the attitude to his whole life. So I told him Cary was a good kid. Sure he forgets things, and I have to remind him and so on, but he's improving. And he's doing well in school. He wanted to know if I had any concerns, so I mentioned that he was in special education, and I was a little bit worried about bullying, though I hadn't seen any of that so far. Then he brings up other classes. Aha! Tracy had already brought that up when I renewed. Well the dang other classes are not only 1) more money but also 2) earlier in the day. I work an 8 to 5 job, and I'm not really sure I can get him there, not to mention whether I can afford it. But anyway there was a class going on right then, so he told Cary that he could join it and see how he liked it. That got me out of there early, so I took the girls to Chili's. It was nice to have an extra 15 minutes. Wednesday night at Chili's is usually rushed. After dinner we went back to Karate to pick up Cary, and then we went home. Driving home, there was a car with its fog lights on that followed me the entire way. Aha, Tony's off dialysis. We got to the house, and I said, "OK Miss Izzie, get your stuff." So she ran in to get her things, and Tony walked up and looked at me strangely, since I was still sitting in the car with the engine running. I explained, he laughed, Miss Izzie came back out and off we went. She gave me an address that was NOT the address I had dropped her off at a few weeks ago. So I sighed, pulled over, and put the new address in the GPS. I knew they were moving, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. Anyway, we got to the new house and it was totally dark. So we called Izzie's mom, and she didn't pick up. So, grumpier than ever, I headed to the old house. Apparently, they hadn't moved out yet. Izzie's mom called just as I was pulling up, said she had told her the old house, not the new. So we dropped her off (finally!) and headed home. Forgot to mention, when we left my house, Izzie had grabbed a bunch of my girl scout cookies and was eating them. She offered me the three that she hadn't eaten, and I said she could just save them for later. "No, they're sweaty", she said and threw them out the car window. Like I would want her "sweaty" cookies. Sigh. I got home, took care of a few chores, and watched my two shows, which is what I had really wanted to do, like an hour earlier, but I couldn't due to Izzie related delays. Poor Izzie probably thinks I'm mad at her, but it really just wasn't a good night for me to be putting up with her antics.
2 people like this
14 responses
• United States
28 Feb 13
It takes energy, doesn't it? I'm hoping that my boyfriend doesn't realize before we adopt that you also get the kids' friends as part of the package. I'm already warning him about some of the potential tricks kids (especially teens) may try, and the poor guy has never even thought of some of those things. Oh, my dear sheltered boyfriend...
3 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
And the friends do things at other people's houses that they would never do at theirs....
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
My brothers. I could tell stories...
• United States
28 Feb 13
Yep. I don't have many crazy stories from my teen years, because of how my parents were. However, my friends who had more normal upbringings did some things--often at their friends' houses or at boarding school--that are enough to age a parent if she or he doesn't have a good sense of humor... and good insurance coverage.
3 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Feb 13
Kid like that would drive me nuts! I have very little patience for crazy kid antics, even from my own kids!
3 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
At Chili's she picked up the drink menu, and said she was going to order some tequila. The waiter heard her, and pretended to take the order. So I said, "don't be fooled. She is a really OLD looking 13 year old."
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
28 Feb 13
This gal seems to be a space cadet... I'm going to guess that the next time she's involved, you will have to monitor her more carefully.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
28 Feb 13
Space cadets are brilliant but not "together"... The sort of person that needs a keeper...
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
Space cadet, hahaha. She's actually quite bright, but she definitely didn't act like it last night...
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@BarBaraPrz (47667)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Feb 13
Well, at least you had fun... Do they serve chili at Chili's?
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
yes, they do , but I didn't have any.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Feb 13
What a horror of a story. Next time - ditch Izzie and have a good evening
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
28 Feb 13
That's what I would have done....about the time she forgot her shoes I would have turned around...got her stuff and dropped her off.
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@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
I would have been late for Cary's meeting...
@Pegasus72 (1898)
7 Apr 13
I think we have all gone through that. I have kids that get in the van and they don't have anything they need, shoes, coats, homework, instruments. It never ends and I always plan for a extra trip home for something we forgot, it is rare we are able to leave the first time we try.
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@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Apr 13
When it comes to school, I don't have time to come back, so if my kids forget something, too bad.
@Pegasus72 (1898)
10 Apr 13
I was thinking more after school not before.
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
28 Feb 13
Maybe a school night is not a good night to let Izzie tag along with you guys. Of course you will know next time. She sounds pretty unfocused.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
Maybe not...
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
1 Mar 13
Teenagers have no sense. They forget things and give wrong addresses. So you may have to wait until she grows up or keep reminding her not to forget things and also not to grab cookies or take a whole handful when you only mean for her to take just one or two. They seem to live for the moment, so feel if they do not get a lot they will die of starvation or there will be a shortage of what they want. I know I used to be a teenager and I thought that there were no cakes or cookies. I do not know what you can do with the course, but if you cannot afford the early classes, you cannot. So maybe wait until there is one that Cary can attend on your schedule and do not put yourself in debt for it.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Mar 13
Yeah, right now I can't do the extra classes due to time and money both.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
28 Feb 13
Sounds to me like izzy needs some lessons in being organized....might help...might not. I can see why you got a bit stressed...she's lucky she wasn't with me as I would have dropped her off before Chili's.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
I was much too hungry to even consider that. :D
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
28 Feb 13
There are children, and then there are other people's children. I know when mine where that age, they were taught to watch out for some of their friends, and it wasn't my responsibility to collect other things that belong to other children. In short, if their friend forgot their shoes and we were going someplace that required shoes, then that child didn't get to go and was taken home then not later. If the other child forgot their back pack, and left it in one of my children's room or at school where I picked them up, then it was either their problem or up to my children to return the other child's stuff to them and if that meant the next day after the paperwork was due, the lesson learned belonged to the child who forgot the back pack. It made my children aware of what their friends did and the things they should have with them. And along the way, they were aware of their own things. I remember many times when my daughter would ask a set of routine questions of her friends before they even came to the house. Questions like: "Got your shoes?" "Got your homework?""Got your cell phone?""Got clothes for tomorrow?" All the things kids seem so good at forgetting. Even funnier now that my children have ones of their own, those same questions get asked of their kids, and of the children's friends. I know it is important to teach my children how to be responsible and sometimes that involves teaching their friends too. Children are smart, and once they get used to you doing it for them, they expect it every time. I'm sorry to hear that Izzie is from a home that is breaking up, but the truth is none of her teachers are going to give her any breaks because of it nor are her friends. That may sound cruel, but it is a fact. The same homework has to be turned in by her along with homework from everyone else. The requirements for living do not change for her. I was a sick child, and excuses, no matter how horrible or true didn't get me a pass on doing the expected things every other child was required to do. If I couldn't do it, I'd be repeating the class. Perhaps you need to check yourself on what you are allowing her to do by feeling sympathetic to her. She cannot go through life living off other people because they feel sympathetic and truthfully the sooner she breaks the habit the better. I didn't have many friends as a teen because of my health and being a latch key child before the term was coined. I learned to be very careful of the friendships I had and to never take advantage of them. It isn't talking to children that changes them, but the way they are treated. Once they are taught to remember things by being excluded, they seem to never forget again. I always made sure the child was told the reason they were excluded and that they wouldn't be the next time, IF they remember what was expected. Improper behavior would get an immediate trip home for my children and or others. First time that happens, will be the last time they do it. Just always make sure they understand exactly why they are going to their home. What I've said I'm sure sounds harsh, and I guarantee a lot of psychologist will say that isn't loving or gentle handling of a damaged teen, but I guarantee, everyone out here is not going to know or care that Izzie is damaged, nor will they ask. It is a hard way to grow up, but growing up is NOT OPTIONAL, it happens in spite of ourselves.
• Denver, Colorado
28 Feb 13
I have total faith in you, you'll handle it. My kids after the first couple times I made corrections in the actions of others, started making sure mom wasn't put on the spot again. don't think they like the outcome either in embarrassment to themselves or to the other child. It is never easy to decide if "tough love" is the right thing to do or not. Good luck!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
Hm, well we all physically grow up. Didn't really have time to take her home as I had an appointment. Could have done it while Cary was at karate, chose not to. I was hungry. The child could use a little tough love though.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Feb 13
dawn dawn dawn you are still just too good and still a pushover for others to get your help.God love you. I hope Izzie does appreciate all that you have done for her. Someone needs to tell her to get her act together for sure.Your own kids were on time but izzy just cannot seem to get it all together.Izzie seems to have a problem with time. there are people like that and I even married one who always told me "w ell gee it s always till it its nine." I finally told him that it was a sort of an insult when I made a deal for him to meet me at 11 o clock and he did not come til almost twelve o clock. So he started being right on time. I told him I really loved him for doing that for me.Maybe you should have a little t alk with izzie.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 13
Oh she's all over me, loves me, bla bla bla. Naomi says her parents don't really care about her. I don't think that's totally true, but they are getting a divorce, and the last few years have been tense. Can totally relate...
@artemeis (4194)
• China
1 Mar 13
You deserve a good pat on the back here. Well done! Somehow, I think it is time for Izzie to learn a lesson of accountability and responsibility where she needs to understand about doing her part in the whole equation. She may have her issues at home or that her parents does not have the chance of teaching her but if she continues this way, she will find it hard to relate with other people. Reminds me of teaching my eldest where I literally "sabotaged" what otherwise would have been a treat to her favorite movies. Starting from forgetting to bring the tickets for the show left at home to carelessly pouring some sodas into the popcorn. Bringing her literally to tears on how important it is to act responsibly and when not be accountable for our actions. I think at the end of the day, she learned that it is very bad to be on the receiving end and the light of day for me.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Mar 13
Next time I'll be a liittle clearer on expectations.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
1 Mar 13
Sounds like communication and frustration all rolled up together. It might be worth you time to take Izzie apart from the others and explain that unlike many other people she may know you have special conditions, time is your most limited fact of life and though you enjoy having her as part of your family outings she need to realize that you have a very tight time limit and you need for her to be aware of this. Treat her like one of your grown up girlfriends and get her on your side in this matter. It's always amazing how often giving a child a aresponsibility works to your benefit. Joys of Motherhood.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Mar 13
Yeah, next time if I'm,pressed for time, I'll be clearer
@much2say (56053)
• Los Angeles, California
28 Feb 13
Oh my, Izzie sounds dizzy! I must say, you handed it all pretty well (no matter what you were feeling inside). I am probably "meaner" and wouldn't have let a crazy friend come with us if I knew I was pressed for time - I just can't deal with it especially when it's hard enough dealing with my own kids as it is sometimes! How is Cary liking karate? If you were down here, I'd totally recommend my daughter's tae kwon do studio. We heard a bunch of great things about the Master before we even decided to go (he's excellent with discipline) and most of the kids do listen to him. He's all about respect . . . he says over and over it's all about being a good person in your life - not being a champion fighter. Interestingly, he takes in many kids with aspergers and autism - he works really well with all kids. He is even letting my 3 year old son take the class (the master told him to join in - I didn't sign him up) . . . but I can't pay for it, so I hope he's not thinking I'm going to sign him up officially!!!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Mar 13
They emphasize the same things here...