How do you say "NO" to a sick person?
By gicolet
@gicolet (1702)
United States
February 28, 2013 11:13am CST
A high school classmate of mine is sick with kidney problem and always in the hospital. He was able to attend our high school reunion last year with someone assisting him. I was not able to attend though cause I was and still am out of the country. However, we have this high school group on Facebook and the one who moderates it post a text from my sick old classmate asking for financial help. The group decided to give him some money from the excess fund from the reunion. About 3 mos later, he asked again for help, saying that he is confined in a hospital. The group decided to give ALL of the remaining funds to him and wished him well. Although we are not talking abt it, i know that we're all thinking the same thing - that he's gonna go sooner or later. That was about 3 mos ago. Last night, there's another message from the moderator and again it's about my sick classmate asking for financial help again.
Now I don't want to sound insensitive but how long are we gonna help him out? I don't know how to say something about this to the group but no matter how much we want to help him out we also have our own lives to take care of. We have our own family, our own responsibilities, our own problems. The moderator probably don't know what to do anymore also. I post on the group all the time but I don't know how to respond to the post without sounding insensitive. If I was rich I wouldn't think twice about helping out but that's not the case so...I mean what do we do? :(
7 responses
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
1 Mar 13
Hi,
You are very nice person as you caring very much for your classmate. You and your group have done as far as possible you can. But now how would you manage funds for his treatment? you can give request for help in newspaper and request people to come forward to help. I wish your classmate will get well soon and your efforts will get success.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
1 Mar 13
Your classmate could not force anyone to help him if some of you could not extend help. But I am sure there would still be a few who will. Don't be guilty if you will not be helping this time. Atleast you had before.
Maybe your sick classmate just don't know where else to look for help and is always hoping that you could all be of help for him.
@redredrose (1105)
• United States
28 Feb 13
I agree with what others have said. Post how you feel and that you can't do it anymore. He could use his insurance or ask a charity for help. You have been there financially for him through it all if you just don't feel you can do it anymore tell the group and then find others ways for him to get help.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
28 Feb 13
gicolet
This is a very hard call and God Bless you guys for all you have done so far. I think it has to be an individual, personal decision. Some of your classmates can probably give more and perhaps they will decide to do so.
For that reason it makes sens for your classmates support systme to contnue to ask for help. There is no shame or insensitivity in saying you can't afford to give anymore. As you stated, you would if you could.
Is he on a waiting list for a transplant? If so he might not die for some time if he gets the kidney in time. God Bless you all includng your classmate who is suffering.
@gicolet (1702)
• United States
1 Mar 13
I don't know if he's on a waiting list for transplant. All I know is he was in a hospital about 3 mos ago and then a friend of mine saw him recently in the church they go to together. She said he was given some money by the church goers. I feel bad for him cause it looks like he goes around limping...asking for financial help but we can only do so much. Thank you for responding to my post.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
28 Feb 13
You can still help not financially but in going to institutions or foundations that help less fortunate people. We can still help others in other ways. A sick person is sensitive and easily gets hurt. Maybe you can still find ways not to help him financially but in other ways that you can think of.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
28 Feb 13
you do not have to keep paying yes it is nice to do so when you can but he can't exspect you guys as a group to continue i am sure there is other help out there
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
28 Feb 13
It would be a hard call for me as well. I can understand helping him out the first time, maybe the second, but he can't use his association with a high school class as a crutch.
Since this is a medical problem, he has other avenues for financial assistance. I don't think it's insensitive so post...sorry, but we can't afford that right now...and then leave it at that. Others might be thinking the same thing. You all pulled through for him before but to continue to ask for help I think is going above and beyond the call of duty for you all.
Being honest that you are unable to help at this time, is just that. It is not insensitive, it's an honest statement so a person shouldn't feel bad about it.
@gicolet (1702)
• United States
1 Mar 13
Thank you for your response. I posted a message last night and said what I had to say in behalf of everyone who's been so quiet cause you're probably right...they might be thinking the same thing. I said it's a hard call and that we can only do so much...and maybe we could try to help him out in some other ways. The moderator messaged me privately and said "There were 12 others who viewed my post and only you responded". I went "I think it's understandable for them to be quiet cause they feel awkward to say something about it already since this is the third time he's asking for financial help". He went "I know....he texted me and I don't even know how to respond to him"....so I'm glad I posted. Thanks again.
