Her mom just found out her adult daughter was molested at 14 years old

I think your friend needs to find out about the statute of limitations for molestation in the state that happened in. It's totally possible that he could still be prosecuted for it even though it happened that many years ago. I can't imagine how she feels finding out about that. It's terrible having to worry about things like that when we leave our kids with somebody... you think you can trust your family and then crap like that happens...

Ahhh that is sad, and I now I'm thinking about my own daughter. It's really hard to trust anybody these days because something like that happens. The person you thought the last thing would do the horrible thing to your children might be the done who do it. I have a daughter too and I'm afraid that something like that would happen to her. I might be not trustful for the rest of my life but anyhow... I can still pray and can still put my whole hope in the hope. Hoping that He'll protect my kids from such horrible and terrible thing. I do hope that they'll get the justice they need and comfort too. I feel sorry for both of the mom and the daughter.

Sounds like her daughter was young, scared and worried at not being believed at the time and also probably did not want to "rock the boat" and maybe felt it would be best for all if she just kept her mouth shut. That is pretty typical. She emotionally buried the secret from not only her mom and step-dad but from herself. Sure...she should have said something so much sooner . I don't understand it but I think it is fairly common for kids to hold on to these "secrets". I'm not sure that it is too late for her daughter to press charges. Look at all the priests that are getting charged with things they did to kids years ago. I'm sure that this is really hard for your friend but I am more sure that it is harder for her daughter. It is NOT your friends fault.

The mother is not a failure in anyway shape or form. It's nor her fault in any way shape or form. You can't be with your kids and protect them 24/7 impossible. Also the daughter was with family so the mother thought she'd be ok not the mom's or the daughter's fault. I can see why the mother feels this way and i'm sorry for her and hope her daughter gets the help she needs. Yes she should see about the statute of limitations to see what can be done to the guy that did this to her. I'm so sorry the mother feels responsible and like a bad mother but she is not a bad mother. The only way shed be a bad mother is if she knew about it when it happened and did nothing and that's not the case. I feel for both of them but can see why they each feel like they do and why the daughter didn't say something sooner. Hope they cam do something to the guy that did this and mother and daughter can get help like talk to a therapist or someone like that.

Things and situations like that happens for reasons that the victim is afraid of the consequences if she will ask for help or if she will tell her mom.Mainly because she is afraid that her own mom would not believe her.I feel for the girl who was molested it was hard keeping that things for so many years up until now.Yes it's too late to inform the cops too.I cannot imagine the mental torture her daughter has gone through all these years.Does her daughter has her own family now?I think it's best to have somebody by her side to help her cope up with her unpleasant past.

I can only imagine the devastation that must be felt to find that your child has been molested. When your child grows up to be an adult and you find that your child has kept such a traumatic secret for so many years has to be unbearable to take. The horror your child has lived with becomes your horror as well. The names of everyone you have ever known and the situations where you have subjected your child to these people has to endless. You start thinking about what you could have done as a parent to stop it from happening. It has to be hard for that childeven as an adult to reveal this incident to a parent. Your heart just goes out to mother and child but not to the perpetrator of the crime.

I read this with sadness PQ then shock when I read the last paragraph. How can you place any blame whatsoever on the child for anything she did or did not do way back then? If a child is afraid of telling her parents something important then that is the parents fault. The child is afraid of their reaction, the child does not feel close to her parents, the child does not believe she will get the concern, love, comfort and safety that are hers by right. It is not the child at fault...it is the adults in her life

What can she do but tell her she loves her, and that she's sorry it happened, and ask what help she needs at this point?

The fact that this is being brought up is because your friend's daughter could not move on because somewhere inside her, this part of her memory is chewing her up. Part of her is seeking for a redress on what has happened to her and the other part of her is holding her back because she is afraid of unnecessary exposure. Her fear actually is very much unfounded because she does not know the full mechanism of how the law works in your country and state. Sexually harassed victims are most of the time protected from the first instance of reporting till prosecution of their perpetrators. I think it would be best to see the following: 1. Psychologist This is to see how she is mentally and I am guessing she is having depression. Imagine living with this nightmare for more than a decade and people around her like her husband is treating it so trivially. 2. Lawyer or State Legal Aid After her mental state and health is addressed, it is time to visit a lawyer to tell her what is needed for her to report her case and most all, what will happen and to expect during the entire course. I believe she will be interested to know how the law could work in protecting her identity during the process. 3. Police This will be the eventual part, because this is a crime and the law will have to take its course. As for your friend, I believe as a mother she cannot do much other than hold her daughter's hand and reassure her every step of the way. Try and do the above in the order I have prescribed. Encourage her that whatever had happened is not her fault and that she is always in control of whatever she wants to do from now. I firmly believe that she is seeking closure for whatever had happened and other than seeing her perpetrator get punished, I doubt if there's any other way for her to move on.

It's never too late in a case like this. Look at all the adult men who are now coming forward to accuse priests of molesting them as children! But, it would be her word against his. Unless he would admit to doing it or maybe take a lie detector test and fail, there really wouldn't be enough evidence for a conviction, probably not enough to even bring it to court. Still, if this is brought to his attention, he'll know that his secret is out, even if criminal charges can't be brought against him. The guilt should be enough to eat at the man, especially once he knows that a lot of people who know him also know what he did years before. I'm glad that the girl has gotten this off her chest. She now doesn't have to carry around such a huge secret by herself and this should help her in healing from such a horrendous act.

I understand why the daughter didn't say anything because I was in the same situation when it happened to me. I didn't tell my parents either until years later because I was scared and I didn't think anyone would believe me. I carried it around for many years until I told them once I was an adult. My parents were upset that I never told them. And they also felt like they did not protect me enough. Honestly, there was nothing they could have done and they protected too much most of the time! I have never seen a therapist yet, I probably should see one but just don't have the money to right now...

i feel bad about the daughter, imagine keeping this to herself for 12 years? she must have been battling every single day of her life. i wonder what it did on her self esteem, a damaged girl at that. anyway, it's not too late. i believe this issue needs legal advice. i suggest your friend consult to a lawyer for legal actions. opening up the daughter's burden is one thing, seeking justice is another. all the best of luck to your friend, dear.

Yeah its kinda hard to file a case with that uncle joe, there will be no marked evidence, she didn't even see a doctor after that incident to prove that she was molested..I think you friend must consult to an expert lawyer to help them to develop that case and held this uncle liable for what he did. Your friend should not took it for granted she must do something because that man is dangerous, that man might cause danger to other young girls out there. We cannot trust anybody now a days!

Yes we cannot do anything about what happend to the little girl.. but God does...

family therapy both the mom and daughter need help dealing with this issue

Oh, this is really a bad situation for the mother now. She is in a fix as to how to react!! What can she do when she comes to know about something that happened 12 years ago?!?!?! The mother can't let it go nor can she confront that person! The daughter shared it because she was still hurting and she wanted to get this out of her heart. Now the mother can only tell her daughter and make her believe that it was not her mistake that she was molested. Since it was not her mistake and she couldn't do anything about it then, she must not forget it and go ahead with her life.

i dont think its right for them to keep quiet about it. if the mans still alive, he obviously has and still likely continues to be a pedifile and molest other kids. for the sake of shame they are keeping quiet? dont they care that there are probably other victims? and will be? i know how awful the mother feels. one of my adult kids told me something the same. problem is, 2 things i didnt realise and that is that he likely continued to do that. plus. i didnt know you could procecute later. and now its to late.

since this happened a very long time already, I think the purpose of the daughter was just to inform her, I don't think the daughter is expecting anything from her based on the story. For the mother, it'll very very hard to accept. In my opinion, she could maybe ask her daughter what she wanted her to do or maybe she could punch the guy in the face if she really wants to hurt the man that hurt her daughter.. sorry about your friend..