When a friend finds a new partner that you don't like
By Porcospino
@Porcospino (31366)
Denmark
March 2, 2013 8:18am CST
My parents were friends with a couple that they had known for many years. One day the man died and after some time the woman found a new boyfriend. He is very different from her old partner and my father doesn't like him.
When the woman invites them over my father tries to find excuses because he doesn't like to spend time with her new partner and he finds him boring. My mother insists that they keep on visiting them and she is not ready to let go of a friendship that has lasted so many years. I think that I would feel the same as my mother and accept the new partner and make an effort to get to know him better even if I didn't like him immediately.
Have you experienced a situation where your friend found a new partner that you didn't like or didn't get along with? How did you handle the situation?
4 people like this
17 responses
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
2 Mar 13
I understand how you feel.. you want the best for them. But sometimes our friends partners are good for them, and not good for us. I have seen that many times over the years. I love my brother very much, but I cant stand his gf. I have to live with that.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
2 Mar 13
That is a good point, Sometimes our friends' partners are good for them but not good for us, but we have to accept their choice if we don't want to lose the relationship. It is sad when a new partner prevents us from having a relationship to a family member that we love. My mother-in-law has experienced that. She doesn't talk to her favourite brother anymore because she can't stand his wife. I think that it is sad that she lets her feelings for his wife decide if they can have a relationship because she miss him.
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
2 Mar 13
right, but we have to put up with them almost everyday. When I invite him to dinner I have to invite her. Even if I dont want to. As they are a couple.
2 people like this
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
2 Mar 13
Well a good friend of mine has a new partner and I like him BETTER!
Does your father maybe miss his old friend and he can't warm up to this new person because he feels that his friends shoes will never be filled? I think it's hard to have long time friends then accept they have different partners, mainly because the 4 of them did so much together and shared so much.
If your parents friend has moved on with her life, then they need to be supportive of her too. How bad is it to spend an evening here and there with a cherished old friend? If she has a new side kick then feel they should be supportive towards her.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
2 Mar 13
Hi!
I have never found myself in such a situation. I think your father should not be forced to visit the family. If he feels uncomfortable in the new man's company, he could avoid meeting him for the time being.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
2 Mar 13
Sometimes my mother visits them alone because she knows that my father doesn't like to spend time with them anymore. That couple and my parents have some traditions together and they usually spend some of the holidays together. That is a tradition that has lasted for almost 40 years and my mother wants to keep that tradition, but my father wants to spend the holidays alone with my mother or with some other friends because he doesn't enjoy the company of the new partner. That might change in future if he gets to know him better, but right now he just wants to avoid him.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
2 Mar 13
I have been there, not with a friend but with a family member actually. I just dealt with their new partner because I wanted a relationship still with my family member. Sometimes you have to deal with who the person chose even if you don't really like them or you have to cut ties with the person.
I am with your mother on this one... I have just dealt with the person so I could still have the relationship.
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
2 Mar 13
That is true, you have to deal with the person if you want to keep the relationship. I might not like the person that they have chosen, but I would still respect their choice and deal with the partner if I want to keep the relationship. My mother doesn't want to give up the friendship and I understand that because they have been friends for a very long time. My father doesn't want to visit them anymore of invite them because of her new boyfriend. He has never told their friend that he doesn't like him and he would be too polite to do that, but since their friend and her new boyfriend started seeing eachother he tries to avoid the visits and sometimes my mother visits them alone.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
2 Mar 13
I haven't experienced this, but if ever I got into this situation, I will give the new partner a chance. There must be something in him that my friend finds so good for her to fall for him. And I don't think it is fair that I will just judge him on first sight without finding out for myself by spending time with him. I mean, he might not be a good friend, but he might be a good partner. I will still support my friend, because who knows when she will need me once again. As long as she is happy, and she is well taken cared of, then I will be grateful to the new guy.
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
3 Mar 13
I agree with the things you wrote. If I were in that situation I would also give the new partner a chance and try to spend some time with both of them and get to know him better. I might don't like him immediately, but if my friend has chosen him I will respect her choice, and if she is happy with him I will try to look at the situation from a positive perspective. Maybe I will like him better after some time. Maybe I never really like him, but at least I can give him a chance and talk to him instead of judging him after the first meeting. After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up I met my husband and my friends have been very nice to him. They welcomed him from the start and I would do the same thing if a friend gets a new boyfriend.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
I think it's very difficult for guys to handle that sort of situation. I mean, knowing the husband for several years and then finding someone new in the arms of the wife. Hmmm..
However, I think I would do as your mother said but I think I wouldn't force myself too if I'm not really comfortable with the guy. I mean, I guess your mother doesn't understand your father in this matter - your mom will be mingling with the wife but your dad is supposed to mingle with the new boyfriend - that would be awkward really.
But yeah, I guess they should just try their best to get to know this person. At least give him a shot at things.
Have a great mylot experience ahead!
2 people like this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 Mar 13
i've not been in that situation but I tend to be more like your mom. I'd be willing to at least try to get to know the guy and if he was making my friend happy then that is what matters. Your dad should not be forced nor should he feel forced into this new" friendship. Your mom, having been friends with the woman for so long should just continue their friendship as changed as it may be.
2 people like this
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Yes it happened that my friend have new partner that i don't like but because my friends love him i don't have other way but to accept him. Most of the time i tried to find good things that make me like him. I tell to myself one day i will like this man of my friend because i know she love by my best friend. I always want the happiness of her so what i did is to look at her and watch her happy. I love my friends. 
2 people like this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
Being just a friend, then I give my full support. There is no way that I will meddle with the relationship unless I can see that the new partner is not treating my friend right. Otherwise, I would love to know that new person in my friend's life.
2 people like this
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
3 Mar 13
it is annoying and makes us feel little and quite bad at the same time for sure and it is even more worrying to handle and put up with all the time
2 people like this
@joanamarienieva (160)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
I experienced that situation. I have a friend and I didn't like his partner. I told her that I don't like her partner, but what can I do if she loves that guy. I'm just a friend and I will support her for whatever made her happy.
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
3 Mar 13
This is a common scenario. I usually shut up, it is her decision anyway. I don't show "rude" acts on the guy. for my friend's sake... I am civil to her lover. Know the guy better the best as I can but in case still really zero I still shut up.
@spicymary (558)
• Romania
2 Mar 13
I don't feel the need to be friend with the partners of my friends. I respect their decision and try to enjoy the time when both of them are there. Everybody have something interesting to show, but it can happen not to be the things I look for in a friend.
It is also a difficult thing to do to replace somebody, like in the case of the friends of your parents. Your parents became friends with both of them, now the new partner is a newcomer, but he is expected to act as enjoyble as the ex did. Not that easy.
2 people like this
@tkonlinevn (6438)
• Vietnam
15 Mar 13
Yes, I have. I found that I don't like to see my friend and her new partner. I know that is not well. And my friend will be sad. But I can't lie myself. But after that, I try to understand my friend's partner. I try to remember his good characters.
The relation among us is improved. We should try to sympathetic to each other. Right?
1 person likes this
@Matpunk85 (1066)
• Italy
3 Mar 13
I think it's important to save the friendship and to make an effort and to meet the new partner of your friend. It's normal that we can like or not a person, but we cannot put in danger a long friendship for our personal feeling. If this friend choose him is because she thinks he is the right person and we can only accept her decision.
1 person likes this
