How do you learn to trust?
@TheDemonicAngel (699)
United States
March 2, 2013 3:43pm CST
Okay so I have been in this long distance relationship for a little over 2 and a half years now with possibly the most wonderful guy I have ever been with. He is unlike any other guy I have ever dated; he is sweet, he is caring, he is so smart and intelligent. He makes me laugh and smile, and always tells me I'm beautiful even when I don't feel that I am. In my eyes, he may as well be close to perfect.
But one thing that irks me about our relationship is the long distance and because it has been so long I find myself thinking things that I shouldn't think about him because I have known him for a very long time, even before we started dating, and I should know his ways and his tendencies by now. It's just so easy to think he is doing something when I SHOULD know that he is being faithful to me and wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt me.
So here's what I did that I'm not too proud of, and no I didn't cheat on him. The other day I asked him "Have you ever cheated or thought about cheating on me?". Needless to say he was upset about the question because as I said I SHOULD know him by now and know that he only wants to be with me. He has never cheated on anyone; he is always the one to be cheated on, much like me. Even when his first ex cheated on him, he never cheated on her (although I think he should have just because I knew how much of a b**** she was)
So why can't I trust him? I think the long distance plays a big part of it, the frustration I feel because of the long distance is HIGH up there on the reasons for not trusting him.
How do you establish trust in your man/woman?
7 responses
@WildHorses (718)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I believe that the reason you can't trust him to be faithful is because he is not in the same state as you where you can account for his time and what he does. You shouldn't have to ask him if there is full trust.
I don't give my trust to anyone at all. It takes me a long time as it is before I let someone in my world in the first place. Do I trust anyone? That's a good question.
Establishing trust is based on actions not just words that they will be honest and faithful. Oh, and reliable as well. I can't stand being with someone I can't rely on should I need something. That part of trust is gained with me easy.
Rolling back the years to when Mike was alive, I was only hesitant in giving him my trust a few months. Somehow he's been the exception in my life. He just understood me better than I am ever willing to admit to anyone.
Roll back another three years before that to when Fred was alive and I trusted him, but he had a problem giving me his. Granted, I did something stupid eventually but during the time I was accused I didn't do anything. Those 10 years together was hard to deal with the lack of trust. I would ask him too because he gave me hell for my disappearances. I'm not referring to disappearances with someone else either. I used to like to go off by myself on drives if he wouldn't take me.
I need someone who is 100% real and blunt. That's where I start to give my trust. If all the cards are on the table right off the bat, make me laugh and see what I hold in my eyes I just might cave in.
By the way though, not just anyone can see what's being held in my eyes.
@TheDemonicAngel (699)
• United States
4 Mar 13
Its not about controlling HIM. But you are right, I hate the guessing game and I hate not knowing for sure. I can only guess if he is sleeping or if he is in the shower but I don't know that for sure and it irks me really badly.
My baby loves me; I know he does and I love him just the same. We have loved each other and wanted to be together since day one, if we weren't engaged to other people at the time we might have been together all those years ago. I am not an easy person to get to open up; whenever I attended a new school I was really to myself, reserved, quiet, and I would only talk if I was asked a question by the teacher. It was even hard for Malyk to get me to open up when we first met; I only gave him short answers and nothing else, he was patient though and that is how my baby is now. He was very patient with me in the beginning until he gained my trust, thruth be told he gained my trust before he even knew he did.
But he didn't change and that's what I love about him, he stayed the same and has never done anything to really let me down or disappoint me.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
That is one reason why I didn't want to have long distance relationship to my previous boyfriend. Well, I was young then and I felt that I only want a boyfriend whom I can be with all the time possible. And the trust issue was a big deal. I'd go crazy thinking about what he could be doing behind my back. And to spare me from all those worrying, I gave up on the relationship. Was it stupid for me to do? I guess, not. Coz if I did love the person so much, i would have held on. But I guess, I was too young then to be involved in a very serious relationship.
@TheDemonicAngel (699)
• United States
4 Mar 13
This is someone I have wanted to be with for a very long time; It was basically love at first sight for the both of us. But we were engaged to other people at the time so we just became good friends until we were both single and free to date each other. We are happy together, just some things could be better.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
4 Mar 13
So, maybe it just means that you were meant for each other. That is really something, right? I wish that your relationship would withstand the tests of time.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
It probably depends on the person but for me, i have been the type that gives trust easily to a person. I full trust them and do not think of anything that would destroy my trust. I would not be burdening myself from thinking if i should or should not trust them because they haven't done anything to break the trust. But of course when i catch them doing something i know is not going to help the relationship or if they flirted with other people and i came to know about it, that is the time where my doubts about the person would surface.
@choconut (297)
• Philippines
2 Mar 13
since your relationship is in a long distance, of course you'll be paranoid, thinking things you shouldn't be, and its really really hard to be in that situation, I salute you for hanging in there for over 2years now. I think you should relax, go to a spa or something to ease your mind, maybe not only the distance is making you worried, maybe you're also stressed or is thinking about many stuffs. So might as well slow down and relax and have a time for yourself (",)
@joanamarienieva (160)
• Philippines
3 Mar 13
I don't want to be in a long distance relationship anymore, I've been fooled twice with that long distance relationship. I won't trust someone who is far away.
@lvchloe (49)
• China
3 Mar 13
sorry about your long distance relationship which is always sensitive and fragile. if you love him, you know him well. in order to keep the relationship with a nice guy you think he is, you have to trust him without any hesitation. if so, you will get trust from your bf. trust is not what you can impose, it is something you have to earn. wish you luck and get happy every day.
@TheDemonicAngel (699)
• United States
4 Mar 13
I have his full and undivided trust and he has mine; its just the "not knowing" part that messes with my mind.
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
2 Mar 13
Hi there TheDemonicAngel!
I believe that like respect, trust is not something that you can impose. It is something that you have to earn. You get trust when you proved that you are trustworthy.
In your case, I think your boyfriend has earned your trust. Even you, yourself know that you should be trusting him. However, I understand how you feel. When you know that he is a good man, and that you love him so much, you will have the fear of losing him to another girl. The thing is that there are times when you just need to be reassured since you are in a long-distance relationship. Although, it would be best if the trust and love will be much more than the fear that you would rather use the time that you have with each other, talking, would be spent in much more important things although being reassured is nice once in a while.
