Why do so many people settle for less-than-happy relationships?

One of my friends has chosen to stay in an abusive relationship. She said to me: "I don't love him, but I can't live without him because I can't be alone" She is so scared of being alone and she accepts a bad relationship because she thinks that it would be worse to be alone. We have talked about it many times, and I told what I think, but she isn't ready to leave the relationship. If I were in her situation I would prefer to be alone. I think that no relationship is better that a bad relationdhip. I have been single in the past and I am not afraid of that situation. I love my husband and I happy that I am in relationship today, but I wouldn't accept a bad relationship to avoid loneliness.

I think alot of people just settle because they have very poor self-esteem and do not believe they deserve any better. Co-dependency deals into relationships alot too. And charm, manipulation. We do need to love ourselves and know ourselves before we ever go out looking for a partner. We need to fully understand what we want and need in a partner too. Not just jump in and hope for the best.

Happiness is real, it differs from person to person. We can never know if what we feel or see is a not so happy relationship maybe a happy one for the person herself/himself. Often we are the ones who may see something but we are not the one who knows what it is like to be in their relationship. i believe each relationship is different, there can be no two persons alike, and there can be no relationships alike too. Of course if we do our best, and treat others well, we can find happiness in what we then receive from these people we show kindness to.

As I'm coming to know myself again, can say I'm not going to settle again. I'm not even going to get too serious about anything for a long, long time. Yes there are a lot of people who settle for a less then happy relationship. Funny thing is the worst of the worst comes out when a person puts their nose ring in you and then all the do is yank you around with it. Sounds a bit bitter, I'm still working on that.

Hello Bjc66bjc Well speaking for myself that's a very good ?'s I have asked myself that too. And some of the reason why I stay is first of all I took the vows and those vows was a promise to God. I have thought about leaving so many times. But when it come time to leave it's like God remind me of the vows. It is very hard to live unhappy but I'm a firm believer that God will move when he is ready. Now for the ones who are dating well they don't have to stay so I don't know why they stay. because I've heard a man call his so call girl friend a B or a w well as for me I refused to be called anything other the name my Mother gave me. So why they settle for that I DO NOT KNOW .....

There are many reasons... If somebody stays with the first one, that person may not know how is it different. Being in that relationship may be better than being alone and not taking the risk of finding out how will be the other ones, they will not know that it can be better. They may not be ready to renounce also at the good parts of their mate. Everybody have some. Or they may really hate the searching and dating rituals. I also think that we should leave when we realise that we have better options and avoid distructive relationships, even if we are in love. But I understand why this is difficult, and more difficult for some than for others. It's also complicated to take the decision if you don't have all the dates you need and if you don't feel it strongly that you don't have anything else to find in that relationship. The partner may not make you happy enough because he/she is depressed. This might go away and the sparks come again. You may find someone better or you may never find. Nobody is perfect and nobody acts perfect in a relationship. So when you have to decide to leave or not, you may think you also have flaws, so it's ridiculous to think you deserve better. Just a few thoughts that might change somebody's mind and make him/her stay there and settle.

I totally agree with you! I think I have met way too many that just settled into a relationship and made it their lives. I don't want to settle for anything less then what I want.

I don't know,BJ. I will never understand it. I mean, I have always done my best to work out things with a person that I'm with. I have never been one to run at the first sign of trouble. Still, there comes a point when clearly, things are not working nor are they going to. I just leave. If one is miserable and unhappy in a relationship then that is what they are going to give to the other person. I think a lot of people feel they need a "reason" to leave other than just unhappiness. They NEED the person to cheat or get violent or do something to give them a good excuse. They provoke arguments and do things hoping to get the other person to leave or to give them the excuse they need. Why go through all that? It would be kinder to simply say, "I'm sorry but this really is just not working for me." You are right though. People rush into things and settle and so many times they are living together by the time they realize that they are not at all meant for each other.

Hello Bjc I´m glad to read you, we have a say at my country "the last train" some people think their partner will be their "last train", the have a low self esteem. Blessings Bjc... dainy

I haven't settled and won't settle. I thought I found the right one, but ultimately I was wrong. I am happy I didn't settle and end up with the wrong person. I will keep looking. I live everyday and have ample opportunity to find and meet someone that will complete me. Life has so much to offer and I have a lot of living left to do, so settling is out of the question.

I think like you. I am independent enough and I have an estimation of myself good enough not to think that I would be lost if I didn't have a partner. But some people are so afraid of being alone. There are even some people who have such bad self esteem that they think they can't have a better relatzinship than the one they have now, even if their spouse is abusing them...

I see that in so many relationships, or they have been in a relationship for so long they just stay. My one ex, I thought was amasing when we first started dating. He was so caring, even looking up my health issues, and say if we went out to eat make sure I could go there. He then just turned iinto a nut case. He would call me , we worked nights together, if he was at work, and I wasn't he accuse me of sleeping around, or saying I didn't care for him. I went with my gut and tossed him. My friend at the time told me how heaartless I was and how I wouldn't find anyone else. At the time I was debating my decision, but in the end I wasnt real happy. Having to tip toe to make sure he didn't think I was cheating, or doing this or that. I know friends who stay in a relationship so they arn't alone. You can tell they arn't happy, but trying to find reasons to stay. A lady I worked with, who is like a mother to me just started dating a guy 5 months ago or so. He moved in after 2 months, and just little things. I told her if your have doubts then change it, only you can. He is bossing her around, they will go out with his friends (females), and saying hug them and touch them (I mean hugging as friends is one thing but how they are doing it). He wants her to move to the city, and she wants to stay here. I told her she may be happy in some ways, but if your not completely, she has to go with what is deep down.

maybe some people afraid of commitment that is why they dont want to get settled. yes you are right, you must love yourselves first before loving the other. :)