Marrying... the expectation to share everything?

So what about this. what if your husband had that amount of money but still lives his life on a low budget, he is not willing to spend any of that money. Money doesnt come out of that bank account, it only goes in. Could you manage knowing that you and him are living a low class life budget, i mean a really low class life, lower than the average individual even though he has so much. Maybe he has a goal to reach at least 5 million adn he wont up his class are buy things until he reach that amount. So even when he has 1 million dollars, he has a very cheap car, a very small house, and hardly goes out. Small tv small everything.

So you say too poor is not ok, but average or a little under average is ok. I like you. I find it strange though most time it is ladies that like to spend. I mean most grown up man only focuses on spending only on a car or so. While ladies are more likely to spend on jewelery and clothes and decorations. I find it hard to find a lady that likes to save.

First, it's a weird imagination coming out of your imagination , but doesn't mean it's not real. Some people might live in such kind of life style which to me sounds a bit too stingy. However, IF it happened to me, I mean I lived with such kind of husband, then I beg you please...come and kill me. Seriously. You see, I don't spend much on things that aren't important. I mean, I have a friend who spends his money even on things which I don't think important. He even doesn't mind to pile up his debts as long as he can shop shop shop. This is also the type of husband that I would never ever choose. And I might need you to kill me as well if I had a husband like this one. However, too stingy is also bad and unhealthy. For me, keeping the money for the investment is fine. Having a small house but comfortable is fine. Small TV is no problem as long as it's worth watching. Cheap car in a good condition is fine. But if I have to act or live poorly, I mean really poor while we have the money to buy those cheap things, I'd rather kill him myself.

What is a prenuptial agreement? Yes in a relationship partners should know everything about each other.

Oh I have heard that before. SO let i ask you, can anyone get that agreement, or do you have to fall under certain requirements to establish such an agreement?

Yes I think.. it can be agreed with the lawyer. I am not sure thought what kind of lawyers are handling this... and please don't ask me hahaha I don't know too. I don't have 500,000 usd.. so I have no problem sharing my debts to my future partner.

I agree with you. Th person should keep the money, not because it is a lot of money you think you are entitled to it. The person work hard to save her money, he can work hard to save his as well.

They are in the same profession? That changes things. That to me means he can't manage his money or have any long term planning. That kind of impulsive behavior I wouldn't be attracted too. If, by chance it would, then being 44 myself..I would want to have a crystal clear picture on what we both had before we walked down the isle and made it legal.

I understand. I believe that he should try to earn it for himself if he wants it.

The thing about it is that the partner with the money is the one who has the mentality to save, she doesnt like spending. So there is a good chance she/he doesnt want to use the money at all. She/he could be trying to just reach a goal in life, maybe to be a millionaire or so. The one with the money though was focusing on money for retirement purposes. THe person with little money now is just astonished that his/her partner had that money. He/she might not be thinking to do something specific with the money but seeing so much money might give him the idea that he can live a so called rich life or have money to spend. Its not like he had no money to spend. His little cash can make him survive. The worst thing about it is that they are in the same type of profession and are at the same position in job, working similar money.

I agree with you totally, and you know what the worst part about it is. They have the same jobs, there source of income is exactly the same.

Then the husband has a right to spend his money alone if he had shared living expenses with his wife while they had lived together. If the person who has a sizeable sum in her /his had never contributed towards the household and just used up the other person's money for all essentials like food, health etc.travel etc then there is a legitimate reason for one person's savings to be low. That is also not fair. No individual can sponge on another.

I am a little confuse. No one sponging off another. Both have same jobs, is just that one loves to save and the other loves to spend that is their own money. Both contribute to expensive equally for the household. It's just that the one that usually spends recently realize that the other has such a huge some of money he instantly believe they should share it because they are married.

This is not me in the situation but let me provide a little more details, then you tell me your view. Imagine you are the lady with the money and you boyfriend at the time work the same job as you, you carry home the same amount of money. Years pass, and you see each other in the office for years. You have a great relationship, money was never an issue you two both survived and never really needed any financial help. Your boyfriend on the other case don't know how to save but you do. So you turn a $40 000 a year salary into a $500 000 savings. You took over 13 years to reach such a position but you and your boyfriend wasn't together for so long. You and him were together for about 4 years. You two decided to get marry. In that 4 years of marriage, nothing really about money never came up. So you sent for the balance in the account and you told your husband to pick it up. You weren't hiding it you just didn't know it was so great to know knowing that each person is coming from the same place. You are not selfish but you took 15 years to reach where you are. You are thinking about funds for retirement and everything practical in life. Your husband loves enjoy the night out with friends and I like to spend a bit. Fact remains you made over 500 000, your husband only has maybe #30,000 to $60,000 in his account.

I really hope I never divorce after I marry. Hope the right and first person I find will be the last. So your saying in many states if I carried a car into this marriage there is a possibility that chassis and the seats are mine while the engine and wheels could be hers if we ever got a divorce?

This is so true, never get into a relationship because of a kid or because you are lonely. Do it if it is real true love. Don't rush marriage, just have patience and wait for the right time to do the deed. I feel so bad for you mother's boyfriend, he must have went through an absolute lot.

In Australia, even though you aren't married, but you lived with the woman for at least 6 months, she has right to 50% of your property. My moms boyfriend has been married in Australia but then his wife wasnt very nice and just used him for his money. He's filed a case but his wife wants everything. He doesn't want to give everything because he knows its going to be used against him. Its just so sad. I'm no expert but the only way to never get a divorce is to find someone who has the same views on divorce as you do and marry them for the only right reason which is love. Dont marry because of a kid. Get into a relationship when you're ready and not just because you are lonely.

I can say my saving is bigger than him now I don't mind to share with him, but maybe not 50/50 cause I have to spend some money for the kids I will give him 20 % from my saving if he ask me but I should make an inquiry what for the money that he asked if just for consume without reason, I will re think it cause we have kids that we have to feed and for their future

So what if you two were in the same job because in this situation, both partners are in the same job making the same amount of money. It is just that one has been trying really hard to save throughout his/her life. Why should she just give it up because of marriage. Yes both partners love each other greatly but why give up something you have worked so hard for. I dont understand something, if your hubby gives you 6/10 of what he makes that means he gets 4/10 for himself. And plus you keep your money for yourself, so at the end of the day you are making more money than him totally. In your situation why don't you give him money as well, just curious?

ifa 60 is too less. You should demand little more love. At least 80 is a good love. njoy!

Thank you so are you saying though that things that are really entitled to be shared are things earned together? And other things you only share IF you want to?

Exactly. Share only if you 'want' to...but legally...the spouse has no right to it. I would never add a spouse's name to my savings account or any other asset for that matter all because I'm wearing a wedding ring.

So what would you actually share with that partner, examples

Well... honestly, that's part of the deal. This is what marriage is. Two become One. Perhaps you have seen the candle ceremony? That's what the lighting of the candles is all about. You have 3 candles. Two small candles and one big candle. The little candles are lit. Man and the woman, pick up their two candles, and light the big candle together, and then blow out their two little candles. You take two individual flames, and you make one big flame. One family. One home. Two people come together as one. Together, for life, with all things. The really old English wedding vows even said "Unto thee, I pledge all my worldly possessions". ALL... WORLDLY... POSSESSIONS. Now again... I am not suggesting that you give everything over to a spend thrift, the day after the honeymoon. If you know your wife spends money too much, then it wouldn't be wise to write her a check for $100,000 on your third day being married. I get that. But you need to be moving in the direct of combining all your worldly possessions over time. At some point both you and your spouse, need to get on the same page fiscally. Why? Why do this? Because the more you live like two separate people, the more you live like roommates, the higher your chance of divorcing. Why is that? Well simply because when you live as roommates, you really don't NEED each other. Roommates do not NEED each other. You can find another roommate, and your spouse can find another roommate.

I see what you are saying about a perfect marriage. Look at it at the angle that both individuals have the same job and carry home the same exact money, its just that one knows how to save. Why is it fair for the one who took so much time to save should just share it half/half with the person who didn't see the sense to save. But I have learnt something new that I never really realize. Thanks for showing me that marrying earlier is much better than marrying late, and it makes perfect sense.

How old is late? Is 30 late? Because i wanna get married at 30

So then you consider marriage a new beginning like a new born child. As the marriage grows and debts and assets fall into place, then we share those because those are what we accomplish or received together as a family. So what about debts that you owe before marriage, would you consider your husband liable to help pay for such debts?

Well, if it were to happen to me, I would not push my husband in helping me out with it, but I will find other ways. But if he offers help, then I would gladly accept it. I guess it is a choice of a spouse really coz paying off debts is something that no one really wants to be burdened about.

I agree with Jenny, when you get married, you become one with each other and its not you against each other anymore, its the two of you against the world.

One thing I forgot to say is that they are in the same profession, and at the same level in the business place working approximately the same salary. He spend, she save. She reach so far, working her life off. SO you are telling me they are entitled to share, even though they bring home the exact money.

No its nothing. Partner doesn't want it for nothing. He/she is in no need. Partner just feels to right to share, that is all. Let me clarify though, I am not in this situation. I am only 19, no where near being in such problems. But also like i said before the partner doesnt want the money to spend or anything. Partner really isn't a gold digger either. Partner believed that marriage means sharing so if anyone has anything, they are entitled to share. But I really understand your point when you say if it leads to fighting the partner should leave, cause that only makes it look like the partner only cares about the money and nothing else.

I so understand that. What if it was you and I together, and I explained to you that I wont share it, I might give you a small portion but it is not something to say that we own, I own it not we. I have work too hard for it and I wont give you ownership. How would you feel if that is how I explained it to you?

Only before.

Ok i understand. Can a prenuptial agreement be organized in the middle of a marriage or only before a marriage?

Yes this is perfect. Partitioning and space. But what about this, what if both of you have the same exact job and carry home the same exact money. What I mean is that one partner really knows how to save and have been saving for over 14 years thus reaching such a huge amount of money, while the other partner just lives life and never really focus on saving to that extent.

I think it is up to them what they do with their money, like its their money anyway as long as they give their share. But if one wants something but doesn't have enough money for it, its the other persons choice wether they'd allow their partner to have some of their hard earned money,

That is very nice hatley. Its nice knowing about those types of partnerships. I agree very much. Love must have space, and force is what crowds it out. Love is powerful but it isn’t forceful even if it comes to financial statements,

But what if the money isnt money to spend? What if it is only money to add to? The two of them both work. Why not use some of the money from work directly to spend and other to add to the amount. All I saying is, not because it is a huge amount of money, you should see to spend any of it. And if the idea of the money is not to spend it, why share it? Want to hear your view on that.

The reason one does not spend money in an account is either because a) one is saving it for something more-costly (a boat, a house, a dire emergency) or b) because it is 'earning money' by being there ... gaining 'interest.' If (b) is the case, then I would--in the guy's position--make sure I have enough money in the account to pay for itself and -for another bank-account and -extra each month, open another bank-account, pay for- & supply-it out of the interest of the second account, and give the wife access to that third account! That's not "laundering," that's 'investing in banking!'

That is a great way to put it but I would like to know will that shared bank account start from $0. Meaning will you start to put money in that bank account from your work directly after marriage or from previous bank book before marriage?

Yes, i think thats just right. Whatever you've earned outside the marriage is all yours, you aren't obliged to put in any money but its all your choice if you want to.

Thats right,its okay to keep some for yourself too.

Cant tell when last I have heard from you. You know there are some people who actually find enjoyment in saving. I mean some people find it more fun to count their money than to go to the movies. Consider it their collection like how alot of people like to collect many things. So what then, what about those who want to save all the money. They only live once so they save to see how much they can ultimately reach before they die and some people would say the person can't spend the money when they die. Some people would want the tradition to go on so there kids used the money only for educational purposes then start to add back on the money to make it even bigger. Wow your dad took everything wow. So your mom was the one with the more money in the first place or was it your dad?

You making your mom not saving no more. I like your grandma, she is like me. I would so save and eat something dull so I can save more. Well the only difference with me and her is that I don't save for something specifically. I just save for no reason at all. Save because I just want to save not because I really want to buy something.

I missed mylotting all day to be honest but i didnt have the Internet connection to do so. i used to use my brothers mobile Internet but now he's using an iPhone 4S and i cant connect to his portable hotspot. He's such a lucky kid, he gets everything. Haha!! You're really cute and funny huh. lol, if you have an extra ten, i get having to save five for emergency purposes but not having to save all of it. Take my grandma, she has been eating small fish for 5 months now because she wants to save her pension money so she can make improvements to her house, she doesn't go out because she wants to save money. But then come to think of it, she so old now she's like 87 and she is punishing herself to eat bad food for something that she won't even enjoy for very long. They are equal, my dad has big income but its only seasonal, but my mom has stable lower income. but my dad likes buying expensive stuff. He took the money and bought a nice car. My brother and i are living purely off of my moms income but its not so bad, we still eat out every night and practically have everything we need. Except she's not saving anymore haha!

What about those people who find enjoyment in saving. You know something find it hard to spend, and no matter what they are spending it on they get more enjoyment from collecting money. Some people set their whole life pattern on saving and they strictly stay withit because they are serious they want to reach a goal, maybe it is a million dollars or 10 million dollars. Like for me the only thing i really like to do is driving. SO maybe I would spend money on a little nice car if you say what I am saying but then others might be more strict than me and don't enjoy anything else but saving. I see what you say about marrying late. So what do you consider as your ideal age to marry?

Ok I understand. By the way, did you manage to get marry at all?

Well it's ok, if they want to save to reach a goal, buy a car, a house or something like that. When i said it's fine to get out of the pattern and enjoy life i was reffering to those people who want only to save for the future(but we never know if we'll live that long) and not enjoying the present. When i was younger i wished to marry before i reach 25 but it didn't happen.I don't think it's an ideal age, but in my view it should be between 22-32 years.