Have you ever tried liking someone but just can't?
By Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5644)
Philippines
March 8, 2013 11:15pm CST
I have a guy friend who is in love with a girl who he communicates with through facebook. I tried to get to know the girl of course to see what she is really like. It turned out that she is the type of girl I greatly dislike.
She is an annoying girl who demands too much of my friend's time. She nags him to call her and everything even when they are not boyfriend or girlfriend yet. I don't think she is a bad person, but I really dislike how immature she is. I befriended her. I feel a bit of pity for her but I also am very annoyed.
My boyfriend who is the best friend of my guy friend, dislikes her too. And we told this guy friend of ours that it might be best to not get into a relationship with this girl at all. But of course, we let our friend decide that for himself.
What do you guys think? If you were a friend of this guy, what would you say to him?
4 people like this
23 responses
@Jshean20 (14348)
• Canada
9 Mar 13
There have been times in my life where I knew it would be best for me to like someone for the sake of another person, I just can't do it. Some things can't be forced, I can lie and tell everyone I like a person but my heart will always say differently. This doesn't mean I won't respect them though, everyone deserves respect unless they've done something aweful.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
Haha, that's tough. I don't think it is necessary to lie like we say we like them when we actually don't. We can say we don't like them but we don't hate them and things can still change, eh?
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
9 Mar 13
I have done that. I have a friend here in mexico. I like him alot. But I just cant love him. So I know how you feel.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
That's fine. You don't have to force yourself to love him the way he wants you to.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
There is nothing wrong with staying friends. That is often the better idea.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
10 Mar 13
I agree with you there.. He is a great friend. Like a brother...
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
Hi there aja! =) I have had such an experience, I think. he he I have someone in the office before and when i was with her its just not a comfortable experience and i never really want to be with her! hehe I do not know why but she has got some negative aura in her that many would even tell you there's really something wrong with her.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
15 Mar 13
If you are the not the only one who felt something is wrong with her, then maybe there really is something wrong with her.
It's okay though. We can't force ourselves to like someone. But we can try tolerating them. 
@allknowing (137775)
• India
9 Mar 13
Just as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so does the ability to look at positive qualities in a person not all can see. You say she is not a bad person and your reasons not to like her may not be in the list of this guy. I would leave him alone to take a decision.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
That's what we did. We let him decide. He didn't take our advise though and that pissed us off a lot. Anyway, if he gets hurt we'll just tell him we told him so. I think it's better for him to experience that anyway. Pain and experience are good teachers. Seems our words can't knock some sense into his lovesick brain. I just hope that we won't get into too much trouble.
@allknowing (137775)
• India
10 Mar 13
if he gets hurt we'll just tell him we told him so
I still feel even a comment such as the above is not called for. He should be left alone.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Whatever we did to make him see reason, he didn't listen to. We understand that is his decision. We don't want to encourage him to be with that girl though, so we just leave it up to him. He is an adult and he should be able to make his own decisions.
I know it is very mean to say to a friend. Maybe we won't say it loud but he will think that is what our minds are thinking anyway. I think he needs to experience things on his own so that he will learn from them. Often, just telling someone not to do this and that, doesn't work.
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
16 Apr 13
i don't do that unless that person is well i known since before,for me i think your friend should stop communicating to the person he known in Facebook,because for being over demanding person but no return things for your friend even the appreciation.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
LOL, this is not about facebook errors, but thank you for responding.
I know, it happens on facebook sometimes.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
We are not stopping him from being with her, we just let him know that it might be best to not be with that girl at all.
1 person likes this
@lampar (7584)
• United States
9 Mar 13
I probably will not say anything to him about this girl, i will let him to decide on his own, i am confident as an adult, he can make the right decision for himself without my intervention, unless of course if he ask for my advice on her, that will be a different story. I may not like this girl personally, but it may not be the same feeling my friend has on her, so i will rather let him decide than telling him what to do. If everything on this girl make me dislike her, i will not try liking her anyway, it is just too time consuming and troublesome for me to force myself learning to like her, i just avoid meeting or talking to her in person. That is all i want to do to her and end of it.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
However we don't trust our friend's judgment because he is too lovesick to use his common sense. I know, I sound mean, but I'm just being honest.
Of course we give him advise and our own opinion, but we let him decide in the end.
He usually comes to us for advise. We give him the same advise over and over and he barely improved, it's annoying but we have to be patient.
I try to like her because I want to give her a chance. I don't want to base my thought of her from only my friend's and my boyfriends opinion of her. I wanted to have contact with her so I can better sense the type of person she is.
@cvodrey (225)
• United States
9 Mar 13
We don't always like the same types of people. If it were a good friend of mine, I would say what is on my mind, but I wouldn't bad mouth someone just because I thought they were immature; however, I might state that I believe they are. If he likes her, then good for him.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
Nah, I am too honest. I wanted to protect my friend and see the other possibilities of her character. He seemed convinced she was a great girl but I also wanted to let my friend know that she has her flaws.
At least, if he loves her, then she should know both the good and the bad about her. I don't see the point of keeping my thoughts from him. Of course, I apologized for being blunt but I am not taking back the things I said.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
10 Mar 13
I do have someone that I have done everything in my power to try and like them but I just can't. I cannot get past certain things they say or do that gets on my last nerve! I try to be a nice person so I deal with them but they really do things that I don't agree with at all. Sometimes demanding, know it all, kind of personality...I don't like them but I have to deal with them for someone who I do really care about.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
That is called toleration. You are sweet since you would go to such lengths for someone you care. as for me and my boyfriend, we are just too blunt and honest.
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
12 Mar 13
If he is my friend I will not forcing him to not be too close with that girl. I will give him my opinion but will respect his thought about that girl. All of us has out type of person we like or not like. Giving him time to know the girl he met on facebook may be is the right thing to do, if they are mean to be together there will nothing can stop them, even us.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Yeah. We can only give advise and support. We can not control how our friends feel, think and decide on. As friends,we need to respect all that.
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
9 Mar 13
Maybe this girl and your friend has gotten more comfortable with each other that's why they were acting like this. I'm not saying give her another chance for you to like her but maybe just try to understand their childish act as part of whatever relationship they have now.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
Yes, their relationship is actually none of my business. I am worried about my friend though even when I have decided to let him do whatever he wants because it's his decision after all. I just try to look over them some times and give them some advise when I think they need it.
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
12 Mar 13
Yes, it happened many times, most of the time were friends of my friends.I don't have many good friends, but with them i can always enjoy my time, not matter what. My sister's husband it's a person i will never like, i tried to have patience with him but he's arogant and talks too much...when i'm visiting my sister i try not to get in trouble with her husband, it's hard to be around him.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
It's for the best to avoid that person then. No point in starting trouble.
@paperdolls28 (222)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
I can easily get along with other people and if I want to be friends with someone, I am trying my best to get to know them.
There was an incident when my guy friend brought his new girl in our series of group dates. She looks good but I can't help to like her no matter what. She's too liberated, she got vices, dominant.. a total opposite of our guy friend. After few months, they broke up and I just found out that all our friends don't like her too. I know we don't have anything to do with the break up because she was caught cheating on our guy friend.
Sometimes, we should trust their friend's instinct (not being judgmental or something) because they can feel what we don't feel/see since we are so much into that person.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
Yes, I guess we can't involve ourselves any further than we just did. I may not approve of their relationship but I can give them advise on the right thing they should do to help them make better decisions in their relationship.
If my friend had that kind of girl friend, I would be honest with my friend that I don't like her, but I will leave it up to him to decide if he keeps her or not.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
Careful not to "NOT LIKE" her too much that you might end up liking her, or worst loving her more than a friend. hehe remember how some would kid that the more you hate, the more you love! ;)
Now seriously speaking, yeah i have had such an experience with a few people, others are boyfriends or girlfriends of my friends. and i do not like them because most are just too clingy on my friend/s and some are just too show or insecure and some are just so plain and simple arrogant - they are not even cute! heheh well it is really my friend's decision and i have never even told them i do not like who they are dating. I am afraid that i might be mistaken and my concern for them would mean that i was only trying to say some bad things about thee person they like just because i do not "like" the person.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
LOL, if I did like her, I could never like her romantically anyway, since I am a girl too. 
When I talked to my friend, I told him the good and the bad things that I find in the girl. Although the bad things can be dealt with if my friend just knows what to do with them. Too bad, he is inexperienced in relationships, so that would mean he has to work hard.
We don't want to hurt our friends feelings. I can understand why you didn't tell them you don't like their partners. Still, we have to encourage our friends to make their own decisions, even when their decision is not exactly something we approve of.
When I talked to my friend, I told him the good and the bad things that I find in the girl. Although the bad things can be dealt with if my friend just knows what to do with them. Too bad, he is inexperienced in relationships, so that would mean he has to work hard.
We don't want to hurt our friends feelings. I can understand why you didn't tell them you don't like their partners. Still, we have to encourage our friends to make their own decisions, even when their decision is not exactly something we approve of.
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
I've experienced that too. There are really just people who didn't even do anything to you yet at first encounter, be it in person or just chat, you immediately feel some kind of bad vibe from them. There was this girl who kept chasing my friend and wanted to get a visa to his country. They got into a relationship but the guy was not in love with her and he just feels pity for her so-called ambition to work in another country. She even negotiated with him to get a fiance visa and she would then get out of the country once the visa is up. He didn't feel it was right to cheat his country. I don't know why someone who's intelligent would not use their talent to apply for a student visa or something and had to get a guy to give them a fake fiance visa. How stupid and low.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
That is because the fiance visa is the fastest approved visa. It takes a lot of lying though since both of them don't honestly love each other or plan to marry. There are more ways to help someone. he doesn't always have to follow her plan. Some people like short cuts, it can't be helped.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
9 Mar 13
Sometimes you will run across a personality that you just clash with no matter what you do. You can try your best but if you can not connect you can not force it to happen. You can be the best friend you can to the guy, but taking on the burden of forcing a friendship with his girl might be too much to handle. Try to take it as it comes and don't lose he relationship with your friend over this girl.@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
I don't interact with her that much anymore. She is thankful to me though because I give her lots of advice. I may not like her now, but she can always improve. She might even transform herself and be someone I can admire. As long as that transformation is good for everyone.
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
9 Mar 13
I thinks such things are very much common and we called it one sided love. There is no harm in doing such thing but should try to control their emotion under such circumstances
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
9 Mar 13
It's what I did for the biggest part of my life. I Always try to respect people no matter what. For a long time I did ignore my first impression/feelings (the one you make in the first seconds you meet someone) and it Always turned out very badly for me! So I changed, I learned from it. I don't see the need anymore to like everybody. I also don't feel the need to be friends with everybody. I treat people the way they treat me and I invest in myself now. Which is a way better thing to do with my time and energy.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
I agree with you kitty. We can't make everyone like us and we can't like everyone either. I've never met this girl personally. I only interact with her through calls, text and chats. It's hard to get to know her better with just that. i can't trust everything she says because her actions don't always match with them.
@celleDJ406 (196)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
If you think that you have exhausted your efforts to warn your friend about what you've just discovered, you have done your part, leave it up to him to decide.
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
10 Mar 13
Thanks celle, that is just what I did. Now everything is up to my friend.
