Daughter and daughter in law

It all depends on the person. I've seen mothers who have sweet relationship with their DIL. But indeed there sour relationships on the other hand. In most cases, one of the reasons is the fact that the mother is jealous with the attention given by the son to his wife. The mother who was once the object of attention of the son has been relegated to the second place because the attention has shifted to the wife already. Also sometimes the MIL wants to compare herself to the DIL so that when the DIL fall short of her expectation, she treats her with disdain. I once was not in very close relationship with my MIL because she misjudged me all the once. However when she came to know the real me, she changed her attitude and treated me with much respect. I think good relationship must be established between MIL and DIL because in the first place they should not be rivals or enemies. They are supposed to love each other. So in my case, once I become an MIL, I would treat my DIL as my own.

Ideally a married girl should give priority to her in laws over her parents and girls in India do that,but this doesn't mean that a girl's relations with her parents are completely snapped after her marriage.They are her parents,they have given birth to her.It is but natural for a girl to be attached to her mother and father.I know mothers even in my hometown who discriminate between their married daughter who is now the daughter in law of someone else and their own daughter in laws who are the daughters of someone else.Such mothers don't realize that they are violating the law of nature,the law of God.They do grave injustice to a daughter.They should do well to allow their daughter in laws to visit her her parents from time to time.This gesture would generate respect for them in the heart of their daughter in law. Fortunately I have never witnessed any such injustice meted out with the daughter in laws in my family.

I think that sometimes mothers feel that no woman is good enough for their son. Have you seen the movie 'Monster-in-law'? It is pretty cute with J-Lo and Jane Fonda. Can't remember who the guy was.

I have lots of experiences about this. Maybe this is the reason why I could not accept her as my mother, too. Me and my husband lived with my mother first when we got married. My mom treated my husband the way a mom should do. Everytime he got sick. My mom take care of him the way she treats me. But when we live in their place, I could not see it in my mother-in-law. Even for my son. I could not see it. Why? I ask often. Then it came to a point that I think of my situation. I do not have money when we moved in their place. Is that the reason why it change? I do not want to think about it that way. But in our last discussion, I realize it. She said she will take care of my son if I have work. I said no because I know how messy they are. At one time her other grandson just throw away scissor and it is close to my sons head. I do not want that to happen. You know what she said. There is no problem because we have money to get a nanny to take care of our son if I work. Her daughter has work and she is taking care of her grandson. As for me, I do not have money but jobs are just waiting for me and yet she could not take care of my child until she sees me I am working.

Hi roshigo yes but it also depends on the DIL. Most of the DIL's also don't look after their MIL's well. The love and affection should be from both sides. I know a family the aunt(MIL) is very good they belong to some lower caste and her son married to a girl of some higher caste. The girl acts as if she looks after her MIL very well in front of her husband. But when he is away she look after her well. She keeps a separate plate for for MIL and look as untouchable.

My dad's mom did kind of the same with my mom. And I know I'm gonna be the best friends with my fiancé's mom, either. I think it's because almost any mother sees a rival in a new woman in a family. They usually favorit their sons, too... but even if not, they just want to show everyone that they are the better woman - the better cook, the better style (or the more feminine or more modest dressing style, whatever flotas their boat), the better at raising kids, the better at everything.... because they feel as if they are going to lose their sons. Sometimes even that counts that deep in their hearts they want their sons (as they usually earn more than the women) to stay at home, have no life, and spend all their salaries on their parents... I find this disgusting, too, but, maybe, it's just the way of life.

I guess it's normal and it happens every where. A mother in law loves her daughter in law visiting her and feels unhappy when her daughter in law visit her mother.

I had a very nice mother in law. But I must add: considering... We cannot expect that a person we didn`t know before will start to love us just because we married her son. She might even think that we somehow "took away from her" her dear son. And in fact, it is partly true. If a marriage will work, both spouses will partially change their ways from what they were before to accomodate to the other. That means becoming a little stranged from parents. If DIL and sons behave nicely to the mother, probably the friction will be a lot less.

My mother-in-law never had a daughter of her own so this has never been something that I've been able to experience. However, I do find that it does tend to be the case that mother's-in-law and daughter's-in-law don't always have the best relationship with each other. I think that the reason that this is the case is because of the fact that a mother-in-law always feels to a certain extent that their daughter-in-law has taken their little boy away from them.

my mother and my brothers wife dont get on and hardly speak its horrible because it always puts my brother in a awkard postition because it makes him pick sides. They also have kids and if my mother wont be aloud to see her grandchildren which is sad. I think that life is to short to have these little arguments

it is a matter of misunderstanding may seems. and the story like it does not happening to the daughter in law who have a different feelings for his mother only. it also happened vice versa. i guess, each of them shows respect and better understand each other. one must humble theirselves, by this, harmony is present between them. yes, i saw and heard plenty of cases that mother or daughter in law is like this that is why they do not like each other. so better of them to have a sincere talk ;)

Yeah, I can relate to that because in our house before it did exist. It involved my mother and my father's mother, my grandmother. Before, my grandma did not like my mother for my father for the reason that my mother got pregnant so very early at her age same with father who was just 20 years old that time. So expected, my grandma was very rude to my mother and she did not treat her well. My mother's life was a mess before.

well my mother in law hated me but loved the fact that I had taken care of her daughter and grand daughter but when it was her son all hugs and kisses and all that and the boy is and or was bum hope that helps

Hi, Yes, it is unfair behavior of mother in laws for their daughter in law. But, I can understand what they want. Most of parents especially mothers want get much attention from their children no matter their son, daughter, son in law and daughter in law. But we cannot force them to change their behavior, it is natural...Maybe we have to more understand about this.

Human by nature are selfish. That's why a great advise always mentioned, "Put yourself on that person shoes and look from his perspective, then you will understand better". I too not happy with people like you said, having double standard on the same issue. I just hope all the mother-in -laws in the world will understand this. Then, there will be peace in family, right?

I am not sure if my mother in law had issues with my frequent visits to my parents' home when I was just newly married. And if she was annoyed by that, I really don't care. Years ago, when my husband and I would be fighting, he would often tell me to go back to my parents since I like going to my parents' home. And he even told me that I should have married them instead! Such a jerk, right? So what I would tell him, maybe he ought to see himself coz even if he was that old, he still lives behind the shadows of his parents!

Yes, there really are many cases of that sort. I actually have experienced the same. I came to a family where both parents have never really shouted at us. We have not experienced that kind of treatment before. We are also thought to be independent and to be responsible to everything we do. In short, before I married her son, I know how to cook, I know how to do household chores and I also have a stable career. So whenever my mom in law is with us, dictating me how to do something, or how it should be done, I felt embarrased and annoyed. But I did not talk. I also noticed that she care less for me as she never consider how much I am paying for our monthly bills when my husband temporarily lose his early last year. During those times, I expect my husband to help with all the finances. I asked him to drive me to the office so I can save half for the fare. But my mom in law talked to me that she is going to send his son to school to continue his studies. The way I understand it, she was avoiding my husband to drive for me when in fact, the money we save because of that could help us a lot in our finances. So from then on, I no longer ask my husband to drive for me but that means, I am spending almost 1/4 of my salary to pay for my fare going to work. And what I really hate the most, I noticed that she is only nice to me when she needs favor or money from me. She in fact borrowed money from me, more than a year now but never really care to pay for it. Money that is good enough so we can start a new business at home. And the latest incident, I got irritated when my husband did not care to wake up on time after we planned of processing some documents. We woke up at 5:30 in the morning, I told him to go to her mom and get the papers that he will need and take a bath while I am preparing breakfast. But what he did was after telling his mom about the papers, he went to the sofa and sleep again. I have finished cooking when I noticed him so I got mad because he knew that I will still have to drop by at the office and I am already late. After taking a bath, he went to his mom and asked for the papers again. I was left at home packing our breakfast because we really do not have time to eat them. But I was shocked when my mother in law came, handling the papers, angrily shouted at me asking me why on earth I am always rushing his son. She also said many things that truly hurted me. For the longest time, I stayed calm and silent but that moment I was not able to do it. I told him, it has been two hours since I told him to get those papers. I have finished cooking and have taken a bath and he is still sleeping in the sofa. Is that what she calls rushing? I was really shaking. I wanted to say many things but instead I took my things and walked out of the door. After the incident, I don't want to see her again because I fear that I might lose my temper again. But another thing that makes me sad is that, they make other people believe that I am the bad guy. One time they did not know I was there and I heard everything they say about me.

No.. I haven't experience and I haven't seen situation like that..maybe your mother in law has much deeper reason why she is acting like that.. you should find it out.. or maybe the daughter in law and mother in law just need more time for bonding to became closer to each other...

Haha yes and this can happen to every family,and actually it is a very normal phenomenon in our society,and that is why the relationship between mother and wife is so complicated.

i do not have any personal experience but i have seen many people do it to my sisters and friends. the reason is simple, daughter is someone from your family and a daughter in law is from the other family. mother in laws tend to think they are some kind of parasite and they are the host. the day when daughter in laws are also taken into consideration as coming into the family and not just the house, these will stop. what do you think?