My daughter in law is at it again!
By ctryhnny
@ctryhnny (3460)
United States
March 12, 2013 9:02am CST
OH yes she is! I logged onto my fb page and the first thing I see is my d/i/l is getting eyelash extensions! I wanted to jump through my pc and strangle her! From the few discussions I've started can you see now what I'm talking about? She's a very pretty girl and I don't see anything wrong with her lashes! I'm sure this isn't a very cheap thing to have done and ok she makes decent money but I don't care how much money she makes she still has a family to take care of. Their rent is over $1000 a month, she has a 1 yr old son who I'm sure is always needing something. They don't have any health insurance and she has a lot of health problems and is in and out of the hospital sometimes for days at a time. My son doesn't work and is a stay at home Dad. I'm sure when they were talking about her being the only one working my son didn't realize she would spend money on things they really don't need...like the new mattress when theirs was only about 2 or 3 years old! I know I have to keep my mouth shut and she probably thinks she knows what she's doing but they don't have money in the bank for a 'rainy day'. She just doesn't think ahead and I'm sure there are things my son or grandson need but I never hear of her buying anything for them! Thanks for listening to me rant and rave but her spending makes me crazy!
7 people like this
26 responses
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
12 Mar 13
For whatever reason, your son chose her. You may not really like her, but he is the one in the relationship. If there are issues with how money is being budgeted, he's the one who needs to act like an adult and have a serious conversation with his spouse.
If you had more things going on in your own life, you daughter-in-law's spending habits would likely be of less interest to you.
3 people like this
@ThankyouLord (698)
• St. Petersburg, Florida
10 Nov 15
Well, it is hard to watch something and someone that is so close to you blow money unwisely. But I believe that we cannot micromanage someone else's life. We need to take a deep breath and tell ourselves that it really is none of our business. I have to do that all the time. It is not my life, not my marriage, not my money, and not my business. And when she comes to you and asks you how you like her very expensive eyelashes, you can be honest, and say, "Your eyelashes were beautiful before." And leave it at that, and change the subject. She sounds young and insecure. There are reasons people do stuff like this. It usually goes deeper than we know.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
12 Mar 13
I guess no one took the time to sit her down and talk to her about learning to budget and managing your money, or if they did it went in one ear and came out the other side, some people are blind when it comes to money and do really think it grows on trees. That is what they should teach you at school, how to budget, plan your finances and how to save! She really should prioritize but who is she going to listen to? You need to rant, I understand exactly where you are coming from, and it's even more frustrating when you can't do or say anything, some people are beyond reach!
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
12 Mar 13
She probably made a horrible mistake and bought a cheap mattress that was hard as a rock. I am waiting until I get enough to pay for a new mattress even though mine is three years old as it is so hard. But getting eyelash extensions. I also think they had better get health insurance unless it is cheaper to pay at the hospital. she also has to put money aside for emergencies. They will come up soon enough.
1 person likes this
@ctryhnny (3460)
• United States
13 Mar 13
No, I have slept on that mattress and it was more comfortable than the one I have. I think she gets in these moods where she has to spend a lot of money...like with the lashes. I thought she had beautiful long lashes but I guess they weren't good enough for her. Yes, they need to get health and life insurance but those things get put on the 'back burner'.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
14 Mar 13
Then she should not spend that much money. And she does need life and health insurance. Things can go wrong. They are going to regret it later when they have an accident and have to be out in the street because they no longer can afford the rent or mortgage.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
12 Mar 13
lol! I thought mothers-in-law are called strict here in India only but what you have stated is not less than how mothers-in-law behave in India.
Your worries are understandable but I feel you could do little to make your daughter-in-law understand the importance of money and savings. You say she is the earning hand so she would spend money the way she likes.
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
12 Mar 13
I also agree that eyelash extension is the least thing a mother could ever think of spending her money on especially if she have a one year old kid. But we'll, it's their life, its her money and even though you only have their best interests at heart, it wouldn't be in your power or position to speak something about this. She's already a grown up, she may not act like one but still if you even try to say something about it even in the nicest way possible, it is most likely that you will end up being the bad guy here. I guess all you can do is sit back and hope and pray that your son and grandson do not get badly affected by her spending habits. And if ever it comes to that, lets hope that she learns from it.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
12 Mar 13
I suggest that you stay out of it. Your son chose to marry this woman, and it's his problem, not yours. If you are worried about your grandson, you can set up a custodial account and remain custodian, rather than his parents. That way you can have control over the money, rather than his parents.
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I tried to teach my daughter the same thing but she still does what she wants. Granted she doesn't have a child but she is married. Now that she lives with me again she has a savings but she loves to spend money where it is not necessary. Like she loves to buy movies and get her nails done. She wants to go this weekend to get them done and that's like forty dollars. What kids love to spend money on now days instead of saving.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
12 Mar 13
she must be one of those people who think they work hard so they deserve to treat themselves even though they have no money. is she a princess? obviously she spends money without thinking of the long term but that seems to be the norm these days, people spend more than they earn because they want it now, which credit allows you to do which is why most of north america is in such deep debt. it seems to start at the government level and trickle down. most people seem to have a sense of entitlement these days so i am afraid that she is not alone.
1 person likes this
@missa405 (290)
• Canada
13 Mar 13
If you look at this from the daughter in-law's perspective you'll see that you sound very controlling and a like crazy mother in-law. Allowing your son to make his own mistakes and just accepting her will be a lot easier than stressing about every little thing she does. Maybe disconnecting from her Facebook might be a good idea to help you relieve some of the stress. I'm sure if your son wanted advice he would come talk to you about it and its possible that he wouldn't want you to be stressing about his situation. Let them live their life, they are grown-ups now.
@ctryhnny (3460)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I think I would be considered 'controlling' if I said anything to them which I don't. disconnecting her from my fb is not an option. They may be grown ups but neither of them has grown up yet....I thought the baby would do it but it didn't matter.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I pray my son would not do the mistake of marrying a woman like your daughter in law.
From what you describe, she sounds like an egocentric kind of woman. How could she be so vein?
As a mother, I do understand why you rant this way. She is not even working and could spend on this vein things? Oh, If I were in your place, I would talk to my DIL in a nice way so she would know her mistakes. If she would not listen then fine... at least I've done my part.
From what you describe, she sounds like an egocentric kind of woman. How could she be so vein?
As a mother, I do understand why you rant this way. She is not even working and could spend on this vein things? Oh, If I were in your place, I would talk to my DIL in a nice way so she would know her mistakes. If she would not listen then fine... at least I've done my part.
@ctryhnny (3460)
• United States
13 Mar 13
IF I ever said anything like that to her my son would never speak to me again and I would never see them. It's so hard keeping my mouth shut but I have to. I hope someday he will say something to her if he doesn't already and it falls on deaf ears. Yes, she's a very vain girl but my son loves her!
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
12 Mar 13
It's not easy to tell because she is your son's wife and you can't get involve in their financial matter. May be because she is the source of the main income of the family makes her think that she has right to spend money for her interest. May be you can suggest your son to find a job, I know it's not easy but to depend on his wife income is a big deal if his wife spend lot of money for her private interest.
@ctryhnny (3460)
• United States
12 Mar 13
He spent a year looking for any kind of work he could find and not being successful in his search is how they decided he would be a stay at home Dad. When the baby is old enough for school he's planning on going to work. Hopefully there will be more jobs available by then. I'm looking for work and there's really nothing out there. I've applied to a lot of places and don't get hired. I think it's my age!
1 person likes this
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
12 Mar 13
I agree with you, as a mother we should think first about the family specially the child's needs. But as a woman, I also understand why she had done this mistake is this is a maistake, sometimes a woman also needs something for herself to at least make her feel better. When you are working hard for your family, there are times that you'd feel burnt out and sometimes feels that you have taken yourslef for granted. Little things like this maybe makes her happy as a woman and makes her continue working and living her everyday life.
1 person likes this
@celleDJ406 (196)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I can't tell you to leave them alone because as a mother you love them. But they have a life of their own already. You have done your part, it should now be up to them. :)
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Mar 13
hi c tryhnny oh boy thats a sticky role you play huh I mean I can understand your thinking and I would be thinking that too as if your son is not employed and shes the bread winner some things like expensive eyelash extensions should have to be put off til later.
Gosh if she has no health insurance and is sickly I cannot see the logic of eyelash extensions at all.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Mar 13
but I did not add y ou really cannot iot tell her what to do as they are both adults and your son chose her. Just support your grandson but do not stir up things as that will just m ake your son resentful towards you.Why is not your son working by the way As that wuld help the situation a lot if he had ajob to.
@jerzgirl (9291)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Quite frankly, her spending money is your son's business, not yours. Unless he begins to complain to you and has to ask for help with expenses, it is he who should be dealing with this, not you.
You make quite a few assumptions about their finances, but only they really know what their situation is. You have the right to be concerned and, as a mom, you'll always worry about your child. But, unless he has told you he opposes her spending, you really don't know if he has agreed to this or not. Let them live their lives until you are asked to step in. Then be there to offer advice, not criticism.
And, yes - I am a mother with a 31 year old son who has four children from two different women. I have had my own concerns, but ultimately, HE is the one who must handle the situation. When he asked for a temporary home for himself, his fiance and their daughter, it was provided. But, once he became able to support them again and put a roof over their heads, their business was their business.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
14 Mar 13
I believe there's a saying about not believing everything you read or hear and I think you should just treat that FB chatter from your DIL as some pantry talk. I know your genuine love and concern for the family and her but sometimes things aren't what they suppose to be.
I suppose you need to remember that much of what you have here is simply based on some hearsay and I do not doubt that they are in any financial difficulty or dire straits. You can always do some checking yourself with either your son or the landlord. Other than that, I hope you do not make preemptive assumptions and get yourself all worked up.
While it may be true that they may not have enough savings for a rainy day or even for your grandson's future education and life. You can always lend a hand if you are able and capable by investing on an endowment insurance policy on your grandson where at some appointed age will receive a certain sum of money to help him with certain decisions regarding his life. After all, I don't think we would have much use with the money to bring it into our graves.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
22 Mar 13
Some people just don't know how to manage their money and she is definitely one of them. To be spending money on eyelash extensions is unbelievable. I can't imagine spending much on myself if I had a baby you needed things. When I was raising my two daughters alone I never brought for myself. Everything was for them. I feel sorry for your son but he made his bed and I guess he has to sleep in it. I wonder what he thinks of the eyelash extentions??
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Apr 13
Why is it that there are some people that are so irresponsible about the way that they spend their money? My sister-in-law is the one in our family that is always spending a lot of money on things that they don't need. She has a full time job but she ends up taking more time off of work than she actually spends working then she is always going out and spending. In addition to that, she does send all three of their daughters to the daycare even on those weeks that she claims that she is sick and unable to work. However when it comes to one of her daughters being sick, she will see if I can babysit because she has to work or else she will end up sending the girls away to Indiana to spend a week with her parents so that she doesn't have to take time off of work.
@JudyEv (339940)
• Rockingham, Australia
10 Nov 15
I think I would be staying off FB or 'unfriending' her so you don't find out what she is spending.
