Are We Spoiling Our Child?
By sensibleguy
@sensibleguy (25)
India
March 16, 2013 9:11am CST
I have a 6 yrs old daughter. Both of us parents love her and always try to fulfill all her demands. We never hurt her feelings knowingly.
But all this special attention has lead to her turning into a spoiled baby who throws tantrums at every trivial issue. She expects her wishes to be fulfilled immediately and gets upset very soon.
We on our part are well to do financially and can take care of all her needs. But we want her to experience the reality of life without hurting her feelings. We want to teach her to adjust to life circumstances. In short we want to make her realize that in future she may encounter some situations which may not be so favorable.
But the question is HOW? Looking at her present avatar, it looks impossible that she may understand what we want to tell her.
Any suggestions or helpful tips from Mylotters will be Godsent!
2 people like this
12 responses
@cttolledo (5454)
• Legaspi, Philippines
17 Mar 13
I think your good intention of providing your child everything she needs is not bad but i think the manner of providing her needs is wrong...behavior of a child is all about mind conditioning. Your child was used to get what she wants outright and without any conditions- you trained her in that way -there is a mind conditioning. So, expect for unpleasant behavior of the child if you cannot provide her what she needs outright.
For me, parenting is not about providing the child all she needs..but teaching them how to get those things...
@tanvirnabi123 (126)
•
17 Mar 13
Thanks for the topic as educative value of your topic is great. There is a common saying, 'Charity begins at home'. So it is vitally important to teach values the kids at early stage of life. Kids will harness values gradually if you control your emotion to her indulgence. I have a little objection with the words 'without hurting her feelings' Look, when you say 'no' to your kid against her unnecessary demand, it will hurt her feeling naturally. She need to learn respecting 'No'. My point here is not to surrender to any of her tantrums or the activities like that. Now you need great patience and need tricks to handle her psychologically as she has already captured the ways of dominating you.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
17 Mar 13
As parents we love our children. We take pride in giving them what they want and need. That does not mean that we have to give into every whim our children have. We have to decide as parent what is truly necessary to the benefit of our children and what can wait. If we give into every demand we are letting them see that they will get everything they want in life. It can not always work that way. We do our best but sometimes the answer has to be no when we would like nothing more than to say yes.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
17 Mar 13
Hi friend, Your thought is good, but you satisfied all her wishes previously it made her to be adamant and do anything to get her favorite things, so only he don't have the ability to tolerate if some of her wishes is ignored. It is hard to change her at this stage, as you mentioned she is just 6 years old and she don't understand anything at this stage. So give the needs and necessities to her and avoid encouraging unwanted wishes
@smtrsv (186)
• India
17 Mar 13
Neither I , you nor any body has interest in spoiling our children. It is the social influence that influences our children. They all are belonging to new generation and think in a quite different way than that we think. When we could not adjust with the child ideology, we ask that the child is spoiled. Spoiling has different definition and as per the definition no body is going to spoil the child. I wish all the children all the best.
Thanks to start this discussion.
@binaybbsr1 (375)
• India
17 Mar 13
Its hard to satisfy children's needs. Still we are to balance it.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
I think she may have been given everything she wants and was never turned down, not even a single time and throwing tantrums had made her feel that is the way she had to do to get what she wants in case you would deny her at first.
This is the same thing that is Happening with my niece but they are now trying their best not to give in to the kids' tantrums. Most over the time they resort to n making a scene because we would give them b what they want b just to b keep b them quiet but b that's never going b to be the best for them and by Friday giving in we b are just teaching them how to get ahead of is adults. Always remember you are the parent here and b you should be in charge.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
16 Mar 13
You want her to experience the reality of life.. well hurt feelings and not getting your way is a reality of life. Life is unfair sometimes, and she needs to learn that.
@redvakaurvaki (4216)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 13
as young mother, may be I couldn't give much advice. but yes, spoiling too much will not good for your child mentality for the future. you have to reduce the spoil level of your child little by little. don't be hurry, you have to patient and learn some trick. teaching our child responsibility and do something by her self is very important. consult with child expert may help you a lot.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
16 Mar 13
Sorry but yes I think you have spoiled your daughter. Now, she is used to having everything her way. It is very hard to change that once it has been done but it can be changed with patience. Whenever she throws a fit or tantrum ignore it completely like it's not even happening. Eventually she will realize the fits and tantrums don't work any longer... It will take a lot of time and patience though to get through this.
As soon as she realizes throwing fits will not change things, you can talk to her about how life is not always the way we want it to be...
@piscesix08 (29)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
Be firm. Say no sometimes especially when she's asking for something she don't need or something not suitable for her. Just remember, her tantrums will go away at some point so you have to wait it out. Let her know that though you both love her, you the parents are still the biss. A few no's and maybe it will make her see that not everything she can have. Or make her do something before buying what she wats si she'll know that she needs to earn it if she really want something that bad :) goodluck!
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
I remember one discussion I posted here about hurting the people we love. This same thing applies in raising our children. Sometimes we need to hurt their feelings so we can teach them a lesson to some extent. i believe that when we do everything for our child, we have done nothing. Though at time we do also hurt ourselves in the process, we should impose some disciplines and learning the hard way. But if we give our child everything, he or she would never know the values we like him to learn which is the value of hard work, discipline or whatever we want to teach them.
