Don't Borrow It If You Know You Cannot Return It...

And the rule I follow is...dont lend if you cant forego.

Right, it is different in other countries. But here, just because you raised children does not mean they owe you anything. I have my own family with 3 little children to take care of. They don't. They have only themselves to worry about. It is not fair that we should have to help them when we are trying to help our own family... I didn't mind giving them money the first few times we did it but now this is the third time we did it and they are never grateful for all we have done for them. They have never thought it was enough... So, after a while of giving and never getting appreciation for it, it gets annoying and hurtful.

hi n vandy I h ate to say this but to me as an elderly lady it seems we parents here in the US have now a lot of us become throw aways as the adult children find it much easier just to stick mom or dad in a retirement center and pay the difference if their SSI and Social Security payments do not quite cover the monthly cost. What ever happened to families taking care of their own, in my case it was diffr4ent as my son did his best but when he was laid off he just could not get an job so we used saving til we ran out and got evicted from our apartment. He had no recourse but to help me to get in here.There were no programs for an adult son and his aging mom.,. So that was different,. but I see well off families that umped dad or mom in here so they would not have to bother with their care at all.wrong so wrong

We have helped my parents a few times now and the first couple of times we really wanted to just help and not expect it back. This time we did say it had to be paid back. They swore to us no matter what they had to do they would give it back to us. I am not going to hate them for it but I just don't think it's right. They have 2 vehicles when they don't need 2 since neither of them are working, they have tons of things they could be selling to pay people back... They just keep expecting hand outs. The last time we gave them money my father had the nerve to say that's it? That's all your loaning us? I could have slapped him because at the time we were the only ones helping and he should have been grateful for what he got! $1,000 is a LOT of money to us!

Dear Loving MyBabies, It is really difficult to imagine how you might be feeling at this moment. I agree no one should borrow money unless they can repay it. However, there's an exception to this rule when it comes to parents and kids. I feel bad because I have taken so much from my parents that it would be impossible to repay them in this life time. It is said in India that there are two or three sets of beings whose debt cannot be repaid. They are (i) Your Guru (ii) Your Parents and (iii) God. Suppose I had to give everything to my parents including my blood and bones, I would be rather happy to do it. But then I think it is easy to preach than practice. I am not sure if I or anyone else would be ready to die to save the life of a parent, but my sincere wish is the development of my feelings to that extent. I agree no one should borrow unless they can repay. After all even banks check your credit worthiness before advancing loans to you. However, there's always an exception. Your parents do not belong to the category of "no one". But then the emotion is reciprocal - it is both ways. Just wanted to know if your father is your step father or real father. I understand the level of bitterness between you two can also arise between biological parent and child while a perfect emotional tie can exist between step father and child. I can see you have made great sacrifices helping your parents for which they have not be thankful to you. Is it possible to keep your old parents with you and tell them that you cannot lend them any money other than the minimal pocket expense but you will take care of them?

What is your mom claiming disability for? Is it a matter of retraining? I think in my case, that's what I'll need now. In 2000, I saw a neuropsychochiatris (however it's spelled) because I felt like I was losing my mind. All symptoms disappeared once I stopped my meds, so five years later, I started back to school. I went again in 2008 because something didn't feel right...I filed and even got as far as seeing the SS's doctors. I was turned down because I didn't have enough work credits (I think I was short 2 or 3), so after I was released from the hospital for a relapse, I went back to work. I think I'd get denied again, so I'm looking at retraining in a field where I can pilot my own destiny-as a dog groomer. It's my second choice-my first is working in an antiques center, but with my balance issues, I don't want to fall and break something that I can't pay for. Do your parents have a problem managing money? I hate asking for money, unless I know for SURE that I can pay it back. And if everyone else believes she can work, guess what? She probably can. If she can't prove it, she's not going to get it-and the bills are going to increase.

They are getting a lawyer now. And she was denied because everyone except her believes she can and is able to work... Plain and simple. She was also denied two times. They are going to go for an appeal. It wasn't difficult for them to ask actually. They came to us and asked for $5,000! When we told them we only had $1,000 to give them they got mad and said that's it? How are we supposed to live off that??? Does that sound like they didn't want to ask or does it even sound like they were grateful for what we could do for them??? Not to me. I told them about the attorney and they are going to get one...

They do have a problem managing money... Ever since my father got hurt and they got a big amount of money for it they think money grows on trees now I guess. I don't know what their problem is but my mother keeps putting more things on the credit cards that she does not need! It is ridiculous. If you don't have the money, don't put it on the card-even I know that and I have never owned a credit card in my life!

I don't borrow money either because the same reason. I don't want to take something that I don't know if I can return. We helped my parents many times before this but this time they told us they would definitely pay us back no matter what they had to do. Yeah, sure. I am not mad that they got denied. I am mad because they didn't tell us it was possible she would get denied, and their moaning and groaning about this to me when I am without the money now that they owe us, and they are in such bad moods over it. I think my poor sisters wedding is going to be a rough day...

I hate borrowing money because I hate that feeling of doing it. And then the stress and worry about not being able to pay it back, no thank you. We have helped my parents plenty of times before without asking for it in return but this time they told us they would pay us back no matter what they had to do. That was so nice of your brother in law to do that! I understand why you said no though, what if it didn't work out the way you wanted it to? Then you would be in debt to your brother in law for a while. I would have declined too. But that was super nice of him to offer! =)

This was the second time she was denied it. I will have to tell them that because I think they were not getting a lawyer because they thought it would cost them money out of pocket. So, if a lawyer will do it and get paid after they win that's good. I will tell her, thanks! =)

A quick scan through the yellow pages or the internet should be able to find plenty of attorneys who deal with this all of the time in your state - on a contingency basis. And twenty-five percent of the lump sum isn't too bad - considering most attorneys who work that way on other cases generally get one third! Good luck.

The one major problem is we have given them a TON of money in the past. In the 9 years my husband and I have been together if I had to estimate I would say we have given them about $10,000 in total. Each year we got our tax money we gave them a couple grand each time, my husband gave them money whenever they needed gas money, we paid rent to them for a little bit, etc... So, it's not just this time...It's been a lot through the years so it is a bit frustrating for my husband and I understand that. We will no longer be helping them until they help themselves. Once they sell a few things of their own to try to get by that they never use we might think about helping again. But you cannot live off of others when you have not done everything in your power to help yourself. Life does not work that way... She does have a lawyer now and they are going to file an appeal...This next time will be the third time she is trying.

Yeah, it's unfair for the people that got borrowed from! I know, we probably should have said no but at the same time they are my parents... This is not the first time we gave them money though and regretted it... Hopefully we will learn our lesson now.

They should have made it clear to us at least that it might not happen. We thought it would be approved, not ever been through it ourselves so we just didn't know...Now we do know better for the future... We have helped my parents plenty of times with no complaints from us about it. But they also never seem grateful for the help we give them, and they could get themselves out of their situation for now anyway and choose to live off other people instead. They could be down grading if they have it so bad but instead they are borrowing money from other people who really don't have it to give! I have 3 children, young children to take care of. I cannot always help them, one day they are going to have no one left to help and they are going to be in worse trouble when that day comes...

Exactly, not a smart move when they have an extra vehicle that they could be selling and a ton of things they don't need that they could be selling! I wish they would help themselves more than what they do...

Sadly there are a lot of people like that though.

We have given them a TON of money in the past. In the 9 years my husband and I have been together if I had to estimate I would say we have given them about $10,000 in total. Each year we got our tax money we gave them a couple grand each time, my husband gave them money whenever they needed gas money or money for a certain bill, we paid rent to them for a little bit, etc... So, it's not just this time...It's been a lot through the years so it is a bit frustrating for my husband and I understand that. We will no longer be helping them until they help themselves. Once they sell a few things of their own to try to get by that they never use we might think about helping again. But you cannot live off of others when you have not done everything in your power to help yourself. Life does not work that way...

Trust is the important thing in any relationship as well as communication.

we all have to pay debts and things like that, and life it is getting complicated but it is important topay the money back so when we need to ask for help the people trust us.

I would feel bad if they didn't put themselves in this predicament that their in... But they did. We helped them out, they didn't feel like it was enough help so they got mad instead of being grateful that we helped at all. They should be spending less time feeling sorry for themselves and more time trying to figure out how to pay everyone back!

Yeah of course...why would I expect them to actually make sense? Silly me... They do feel they deserve it because they raised us. And I don't know if they wasted it but they probably did. Wouldn't surprise me at all.

I don't borrow money because I don't want to owe anyone like that. If I need money I figure out a way to get it. I have had to sell my favorite things at times to pay bills but at least they got paid and I did it myself!

Many people abuse the system which is so wrong. I have no idea how they manage to do that because it is almost impossible to get it! My mom has been trying for 2 years now, and some people have been trying for many more years than that I have been told! We have given them a TON of money in the past. In the 9 years my husband and I have been together if I had to estimate I would say we have given them about $10,000 in total. Each year we got our tax money we gave them a couple grand each time, my husband gave them money whenever they needed gas money, we paid rent to them for a little bit, etc... So, it's not just this time...It's been a lot through the years so it is a bit frustrating for my husband and I understand that. We will no longer be helping them until they help themselves. Once they sell a few things of their own to try to get by that they never use we might think about helping again. But you cannot live off of others when you have not done everything in your power to help yourself. Life does not work that way...

Yes they are going to do that and file an appeal.

We have given them a TON of money in the past. In the 9 years my husband and I have been together if I had to estimate I would say we have given them about $10,000 in total. Each year we got our tax money we gave them a couple grand each time, my husband gave them money whenever they needed gas money, we paid rent to them for a little bit, etc... So, it's not just this time...It's been a lot through the years so it is a bit frustrating for my husband and I understand that. We will no longer be helping them until they help themselves. Once they sell a few things of their own to try to get by that they never use we might think about helping again. But you cannot live off of others when you have not done everything in your power to help yourself. Life does not work that way...