She said shame, you are not married at 55

The moral of the story is 'Keep away from foul people'; they will drag you down and make you talk and bring you to their level.Boycott her silently and see how it turns out.

Hey, dear friends. Seems to me, vandy, has been put in a Diplomat's role...peace-maker is NOT an easy road to walk..full of ruts, potholes and detours...AND snakes. There is a "hold-over stigma", it seems in all cultures, relating to un-married women..and in some cultures the terms are derogatory. Thanks to a world-wide Women's movement, we are making a bit of headway...proving that we can stand on our own two=feet, and don't NEED TO lean on a man for finance, NOR STATUS reasons,BUT we should have never had to prove our worth! Do NOT let this woman wrankle you, Vandy! Accept the ignorance from the source..and not lower yourself to bantering on her level. When she sees that you have returned her venom, with a smile (smug)...she will learn she can't push your buttons. Just know, that how contankerous you Father may be, you are blessed at having him in your world...I lost mine, when he was young..and I would give anything, just to hear his voice again...or even a discerning word. I have always admired...the brilliance of both of you ladies, since meeting you here...and believe YOU are above this...

Ah Kala my father loves taking up such things creating a foul environment everywhere he reaches with his ego, and I bear the brunt...I am so tired of it all. He NEVER LISTENS..many of those battles could have been avoided...and he was always offered right advise at right time, but his ego prevents him from accepting such suggestions.

That is good enough for me if you are feeling comfortable regardless of what she said.

Yes...I am actually quite comfortable about my status. :)

Oh we had some differences a few years ago, and at that point of time, I had specifically told her to stay out of our home. So she used daddy route to re-enter. Now, even dad has wisened up, but we are not able to get rid of this menace..:(

SAGE advice from a WISE brother! Today, there should be NO stigma in waltzing thru this life, as a single entity, bro! Even in our culture, we are castrasized for NOT being married, or being divorced. The chagrin is placed on the woman...WHAT is wrong with her? I believe SHE should be praised for her stealthiness and wisdom in life's management, she does not need a leaning post. Because we carry that old stigma, it is a way of casting pain..and attempting to demoralize. SAD...an old weapon, that should be retired..marital status, that is! So thrilled to see you here, my Bro!

hi thesids... You continue to flatter me and my ego just becomes larger and larger..lol Coming to the discussion...dad working, yeah...but not where he is not able to deliver. I think we should only take up those things that we can do justice to. Some protocols exist everywhere. Therefore, in an informal unregistered society such as ours, dad should be communicating ...in a friendly way...what he is doing or intends to do. Dad has this strange behavior...everytime others ask him to do something...he feels he is being treated like an employee. If left alone, he wont do the work for several months. Others should not be inconvenienced, isn't it? And there are several other ways to keep oneself occupied. There are several chores within our home that we have not completed so far...and its 8 years! Dad does it for praise, and a position in the society, which unfortunately he loses on because of his attitude. Second thing, I am now on war footing. Enough is enough...hope the message got across to her.

Dear Sis I love Vandy's discussions - they are so very realistic and also, she is one on my list who will understand my viewpoint and not torture me (like a few others) Marriage is a very personal matter and I think it is no one else's business if I was married or not and if married to whom and why! but here, in Indian culture, many still believe that marriage completes a man or even a woman and I am always at a loss in understanding the logic. Some of our great people - were and are bachelors and they are doing good - like - to make a mention - our former Prime Minister - Shree Atal Bihari Vajpayee and even the chief minister of Odisha - Mr. Nabeen Patnaik - and it is not only in Politics, but also in many other fields that one finds Bachelors doing much better.

Honestly, it felt good to give her back in her coin. lol

Trust me I must have turned the other cheek at least 6 times before succumbing to my nasty temper bout. :) As to age, if she cant be respectful to a man who is almost 18 years her senior, then she cant expect respect from for her as she is just 7 years older than me, right?

I agree...and acting that she is married..yuck... well she is married alright, but deserted by husband because of her foul temper. But nobody ever dared to point it out to her. I just lost it when she said it was a shame. lol

Ironically, that was the first sentence I spoke..lol But the woman does not know English...and I dont know my mother tongue that well..lol

No, it shows you're no better than she is. You're giving her opposition and that hasn't stopper her, has it? What you should do is pretend she doesn't bother you. That will make her give up on trying to insult you.

Pls. let us continue this till I am convinced. Ok? She is a bully. She has been overbearing like this with many people before me. They have ignored her. Has it stopped her? If it has not stopped her, then should we not be trying another tactic to reduce this? I mean ...we had a meeting of members the other day...she did not attend. And everybody had something or the other to complain against her, directly or indirectly. Like gate closing. We have software people returning around 2 am. She wants gates closed by 10.30.pm. Honking in the middle of the night does not feel good. We all have elderly folks sleeping at home. Right? There is no bell in the complex. So they wanted duplicate keys, which are also not being given. So tenants are annoyed with her. Then she does not allow people to use her side of the terrace. Terrace is common area. She goes up and lifts the clothes off clothes lines and throws them down. Nobody is allowed to dry anything on her part of the terrace. Nobody should even walk on her terrace. Is it alright? Nobody should tell watchman anything. Only she has the right to give leave to the watchman, without informing others. Things that irritate others. What irritated me the most was I had specifically surrendered the papers asking the society members that the task be given to others. Instead, it was forced upon us. Now, everytime there is a lapse on dad's part, she hammers me...your father does it like this, your father is like that...blah blah. I have cried several times before because this is a hell I tried to avoid with my wisdom, isn't it? But I have been pushed to an edge...like a cornered cat. I have my chores which have to be completed in a given timeline. I cant possibly be listening to such things for hours on...and be polite about it...nth time...that day I had scheduled my departure by 10 am...had filled the bucket with water for bath...kept my clothes for bath..this woman came and told me, I am going to fight with your father...how many times should I tell her dont tell me about it all? Does it not get into her nut? And it is not as if she didnt know papa was not at home. She'd sent the watchman to my place to confirm whether papa was home or not. And when she'd confirmed that dad is not at home, she came to my place...uninvited, without prior intimation. Yes, I was in stress because that was the last day to hand over some documents. It certainly was irritating...so tell me, if ignoring does not help, then shouldnt we try retaliation?

I am unable to understand this ignore and not sink to her level...that is the point. I mean, there have always been bullies like her. I feel we have only two choices there...bully or be bullied. So if she bullies, and if I dont want to be bullied, I should at least retaliate. So far, everybody has ignored and chosen to steer clear, and that has given her more confidence in her art perhaps. If there is an opposition, she would perhaps stop short of doing such things, right?

Yeah...and the other day she beat her driver, and I accidentally opened the door as she was leaving in the lift, I wanted to call my maid who is working in the opposite house. By god, she called me, and told me that it is her business to beat her driver, and that I had no business to look at her the way I did...give me a break, I didnt even notice her. lol He borrowed a hefty sum from her and is virtually a bonded laborer. She is influential, so police may not be the answer, but media would most certainly be. :)

Yes, she can drop in in the mornings and you would end up with a bigger pile of tasks for the next day..lol

Mr. Bansal, I agree with you. I think we get accustomed to certain lifestyle, and become inflexible in some ways. Even if we were to opt for the society ordained lives, we might not have made the grade. Why be dissatisfied with life, when you can be happier? And marriage is one issue, if you are not sure you want to step in, you should not. We each know our personal natures, and we know whether we are the compromising kind or not, and what we can compromise and what we cant. It would be foolish indeed to go against our grain. :) In any event, I love my "no responsibilities" status. :)

Thanks subhojit... Look at it as a favor to my country and society. I dont add to the hungry and starving population. I dont require government to spend on subsidies for my child's education and health and transport. I dont require government to spend on creating jobs for my kids and many such benefits for choosing to be the way I am. Surely that is worth appreciation..lol

of course, we also aren't creating new taxpayers for them to gouge and to take care of us in our old age...

It's great that you aren't owned by some man. All too often I read about women being trapped in marriage because they will be destitute on their own. Good for you for sticking to your convictions.

In fact, I think the world should respect me...after all I have not added another mouth to feed, there is less competition for food, lesser need to provide for old age of my kids, lesser need to provide subsidies for my childrens education, lesser need for housing, lesser number of people with varying opinions, blah blah..lol I am fine with me. :)

Hiya...I did dissociate with her. In fact, she didnt get to step into my house for almost 3 years! Then my dear pa decided to play goodie goodie, and against all my wise counsel he brought her in, and today he is paying the price, and making me pay it too. lol